Three things I don’t want to become as my weight goes down.

 

 

1) The former fat person who now hate fat people.

Both men and women do this they lose the weight and then make rude comments such as I got off my lazy ass so why can’t they? Or if they eat less…its like these types of people feel that since they are thin its ok to be rude or be annoyed by larger size frames. Like a so called friend of the past was really huge when I met her, now a size 9/10 (which is average to me) she makes rude fat remarks, or have taken pictures of fat people to cut her desire for food, and she doesn’t understand why can’t they just eat less like she did  and work out? And how she ate junk food because she was always on the go no time to cook , but never used food to ease her worries and such….I was like well you were fat and no matter how you got fat you were once still fat. These same people have been fat for over a year to maybe even 20 or so! Yet once they reach goal expect you to just be able to get to it asap! Being obese and morbidly obese and even very over weight….you never asked to be large and a lot of times food is a legal choice of drugs that you won’t spend 5 years or so in jail for. For example online this guy was asking for advice of his girlfriend of 3 years that he met her when he was obese and so was she. He then goes on about how he decided to get up and do something about it…..I was thinking uh huh…many larger people decide to do something as well and I bet a million he has decided over years of his life, but failed because eating less sounds easy, but its hard for us. He says now that he is in shape and toned and weighs less, his gf is still obese and he has been warning her that if she doesn’t lose weight he will leave! See he got with her because he felt he had no choice due to his size, now he lost the weight she has to get with it or get out! All the guys on the message board were like dude leave the cow, and asking why is he still with that pig, or have her chase her food and he loled on it all!!! I hope to never be a former fat person who feels since I lost the weight so and so should do so asap, or feel fat people are lazy not true. I have met skinny people even size 0 was lazy!! Some just eat less, some workout like crazy and eat whatever when others try to create a balance of eat less workout hard.

 

2) Not over doing it to the point I miss out in the good moments in life.

I mean yes exericse (me going up and down stairs…still outta breath) is good for you, but I don’t want to be one of those former fat people who spend their life in the gym I mean yes you want to stay slim and fit, but never forget to live. I hear of former fat people and never been fat people who spend hours at the gym grinding away for hours and some even return after!

 

3) Not enjoying eating out ever again! (The true horror!)

My long distance friend who Im real proud of, but when she told me of her 10 dollar salad she ordered on her date …I was thinking noooo way! A salad! For me if I was on a date I would order like my old self, bring on the steak and mash potatos and side of veggies and yes with a diet coke to balance it out and oh wheres the dessert menu? Something so special I mean who wants to date anyone on a diet? I still want to enjoy my food and I may end up being real thin, but at night exercising by going up and down the stairs for 10 minutes and jump roping for 30 minutes equals a serious calorie burn! I still want to savor my food like I do now…..I just can’t work out like I would like to due to my joints, so for now Im going up the stairs and eating less (like today was two breakfast burritos and lunch/dinner two bowls of watermelon). On a date no guy would guess I was eating less, that could be my one large meal and take the rest to go….so many ways to still enjoy food without living on salad…boring. And yes I will still be a size 4! I mean I believe If I can master water fasting for  a day, but the next enjoy a 2000 calorie meal then repeat the next water fast day…I mean my whole point is to give up sweets forever and tasty foods forever is no way to live!

 

 

 

 

I woke up 260 pounds this morning….Im inching so close to 250 something its like a tease!

I got a pair of size 18w pants for work tomorrow… 🙂

I just hope I don’t slip up…Im so close.

 

Goals for 2013

Were still not talking and I have embrace that we don’t ever have to talk again over the ten dollars. It was wrong to me to be able to show up and wait outside my job, but then hard to find you or get to you when you got what you needed. I sent her a friendly text that same day and she never responded so yes shes upset. Im a cheap person I wouldn’t have some new clothes if it wasn’t for my mom sending some a few months ago, I only own one pair of flip flops and walmart brand sneakers I was forced to buy since my old sneakers wore out in the rubber and had a hole in the two. My work pants always look new since I have to get a new pair ever 2-3 months since my thighs rub a large hole in between (no joke). The only thing that I may waste my money on is food. Now I have randomly given a homeless man sleeping on the streets 5 dollars, if your begging for food I will buy it, and yes if your house caught on fire and you lost everything I would have to ignore my cheap side and I would give at least 50 dollars! I saw a mom, dad, and two kids all were homeless and it touched me they still had their dad. I was a teen at the time and if I had a house and was older I would give them shelter and have them save up until they can make their way (wrong because they are strangers, but…) Now if you have one orr two jobs and allowing wrong behavior such as adding more humans to a struggling house hold my cheap side over rules (not on purpose). Im not saying that you must be rich or even middle class to have a family, but keep it to one child if you must not….2…3…4…5.. and the worse in the welfare office is 10 :O

I tried my yogurt fast…after going through my packed 5 yogurts I ate regular food since I was out of yogurt! Im feeling desperate. I know what being thin brings not just decent guys, but a body I can do more with in fashion,being able to jump and run super fast, to try new things I was limited to, ect. I maybe making that veggie soup sooner then I think with low cal meals I don’t know!! I know its eat less….really eat less.

 

2013

1) Visit a womans shelter of abused women and help out there sometimes

2) Get my license and I will!!!

3) Learn to drive

4) (takes deep breath) Go back to college part time for something…I want to go back to Florida 2014 sometime, but refuse to struggle or depend on family like that unless I really….really had to.

5) Baby sit for a few hours for free (I been reading the news and I felt so sad and hurt hearing kids abused (Im anti spanking too) or raped by so called baby sitters its sad that evil, nasty people exist like that! I just want to baby sit for a few hours just once to give a parent or parents a break OR help a elderly person free for a few hours and be company.

6) Try new foods and more so food of India! I will go alone. Everytime i have brought up going someone tells me rude things how they are nasty people or they would never try their food well I will go alone because spices and something new is exciting and kinda cultured.

7) Live in a safe area before heading back to the sunshine state

8) Mastering my fear of math

9) Start going out more when invited no more always saying no.

10) Be a size 4!!!!! Yes I will

 

My long distance friend getting more male attention, Im back on track 269 pounds,former ride, and new favorite apps to lose inches

Im back and feeling 100 percent better! Tired yes, but looking at the glass half full most of the time.

My friend who recently turned 30 and now losing weight so well that she is noticing more positive male attention.

Not the men who have zero goals, super old with zero goals, just plain ultra ugly, or slang talking men you know would not make a great father figure for any kids you may wish to have!  Even though she is a size 14 now and yes for years struggled like me with her weight and after all these years from a size 20 I believe to now a 14 she is noticing guys checking her out even in check out lines! She even has learned to flirt back with her eyes ( a skill no obese woman should ever do in fear of being laughed at or have the other party feeling greatly insulted), she says wearing color helps and how she always wore black…..I was like here we go.

Its like whats better black clothes or color? The little black dress many women get thumbs up if they happen to be little in it.

I seen gothic girls in all black get great guys and they wear mainly black with a dash of purple. *Again thin gothic girls*

Its kinda like saying blondes are hotter then brunettes and now were hearing that brunettes are hotter. The secret in my opinion and from I notice when a woman loses weight she tends to go blonde( not all women)! So yes thin blondes are hotter then being a obese brunette. Jet black haired women are considered hotter when thin.  Whats annoying kinda is as she loses weight she feels maybe it was this or that. Kinda like the Christian woman who lost over a 100 pounds and now says God is sending her men because she has been so faithful to him (yes true story). Like my long distance friend feels that by going blonde men will pay more attention to her. I feel this way….go blonde as a size 20 or 30 and see if hair color alone will improve the men you get!

As a 14 they notice her and she is no longer invisible. No date offers just they now see her. As a size 10 she may get a date offer. As a 8…she surely will, a 6…SOLD.

She now has the door opened for her, before she could struggle with a lot of things in her arms and try to get the door open and people still kept going! I don’t want to be left behind……..

 

 

Before I got sick I was up to 279 in pounds at some point, but felt pretty fast! I got sick drop 8 pounds because I couldn’t eat, plus the throw up and such pretty much caused the rapid weight lose. Since on prozac I can think better because Im no longer eating out of stress and feeling terrible due to where I live. Im able to cope with it and know that someday soon I will be out of here as long as I stick to my budget I will be ok just don’t get comfortable. Today Im 269 in weight. Sadly Im happy to see 260 something again! My golden weight would be to weigh 250 something since I haven’t seen that weight since I was a teen! It would suck to be the obese one still many years later as she shares her dating adventures with me. We both agreed that when thin yes there will be few guys who won’t be interested in us, but the majority will and thats all that matters is we will have better choices. Last we will get better treatment and such compared to now. I mean there are women who admit that yes because I lost x amount of weight I got this favor or that raise last month ect.  At my job we have tons of managers and some who started only two months ago now have higher pay and promotion….when a larger, sweet, manager has been in the same position for years wants to be promoted as well. And men are not the ones who are judging alone its the women too. Like my friend we just want to be respected as humans and treated just like any other person it shouldn’t be based on your size.

 

Its amazing with my former ride we went from ride buddies and talking and me putting up with her off ways to not even seeing each other maybe 2-5 percent of the day at most mainly to pass by each other…..and its best that it stay this way. Last week I heard her talking to a coworker at work. He was angry that our assistant manager made him do tons of work alone and feel we all should be over here to help. Our assis. manager likes to split us up so when one finishes they can join another person to help. Back then before I got hired and before the old managers departed they would all do one area together then move on together. Anyway he started ranting to my former ride as she was passing by, she then goes on to tell him to go to HR about it thats your best bet (she never gets that sometimes people just want a listening ear) he was like yea, but (he continued to complain about how they are changing everything and she kept saying report on our assist. manager to HR. Me I was working and listening as they went back and forth. Well guess what? Our assist. manager was standing near by listening!!!!!! Me, my former ride and the guy all looked shocked I was shocked from a distance none of us saw her!!! Just think of being caught by your assist. boss that you are trying to report her! The next day we had a meeting by the main boss of what she is doing is right!

So yesterday our assist. manager was to come in later that day, but we still came in at 6am. Make a long story short my former ride came and took my departments buggy ,hid it behind some large stuff, I needed it, a co-worker showed it to me and began to help me get, my former ride was on the computer wasting time told me that when she is done with it she will return it! I told her its almost time for us to go home and I need my buggy now to be able to do my work, she said no!! I stood my ground …the co-worker who was helping me left because she saw how things were getting heated. I then began to move the stuff alone. My former ride got up and said I will do! I said ok. I was going to help her and go upstairs with the buggy she says I will bring it to you in a nasty tone I said Im here and I can take it! I then said you know what Im reporting you to our manager! She said fine report it to him. I stop and thought of last week and other times she upset the assist. manager anjd thought ok I will. SInce she said it like that …..true the guy will talk to us…the end. The female manager she won’t. Today at work my former ride looks at me and says see you got your buggy back with this large smile I wanted to just go away! I said uh huh…in a weak smile. She thought I went to the male manager….

Well our shift was over and she was no longer smiling at me and hurried off. I don’t mind sharing the buggy, but I really had to use it right then. And get this theres a cart near her area, but she won’t touch it because that other co-worker won’t let us near it!! And her tone of voice was uncalled for. It has been since day one working for this company that its her way or no way. She made a guy quit because he thought she was the manager. If I quit she has to go first Im not leaving because of her. I am proud for the first time I stood up to her and didn’t cry later on because I felt power less instead I felt ticked off greatly at her behavior.

Long post right!?

Ok I decided that every little thing counts.

I walk to work and back, I go up and down ladders and stairs sometimes thought out the day. The only thing I noticed is a smaller butt (its still huge) I hope my butt gets way more smaller with time. Having a large butt tends to attract the same attention as if you were obese. Not many men with class and education are racing for large bottom girls maybe rappers, and guys who wanna hit that as they say. A nice shape is ideal for any woman……I just don’t get the ones who get these fake butts to get guys who only see the rear. I get the boob jobs though since some end up married to wealthy men, or just really cute guy who played football in high school and now the locale cop. A natural so called large rear is decent though, to the smaller sporty types.

Anyway I saw no change. My body is now use to walking 30-40 minutes to work (yes found a short cut) and back. Its use to the stairs even though I can hardly breath after three flights. So I turned to these apps and feel and see a difference in my stomach area!!!

 

1) Burn your fat with me!!!     This app is really for men its a Japanese girl with large eyes and super cute voice tells you (the guy) that you use to be so cool and had energy because well you were trim. So you do sit ups to make her happy. Each sit up I do I press the button and the screen moves closer to her as if the guy in the game did a sit up.She is holding the legs and counts down for you and encourages you to keep going! I love it, but wish they made one for girls. She is well dressed and covered, but lumps in her top reveals she is not flat chested for sure. And when she is ready to do sit ups with you out of no where she is wearing a white t-shirt and it appears to have on panties? After the sit ups she dresses as a youthful nun again. I love this app though and to hear encouraging words makes you push yourself though the pain.

2) Steel Abs A6W

This one is HARD!!! I struggle with it! No joke this could be the one to give me rapid results. I choose this app and the one before because I can do it laying in bed=no excuses.

3) Squats

I just started this one today I need my thighs to be smaller its gross. Each squat I did I could kinda see pretty much why a decent normal guy wouldn’t be after me. Between my legs big large lumps of fat it was a horror. I kept going in hopes of no loose skin….

I have other apps such as a piggy bank, spanish learning and memory helper.

I better prepare for bed now. Tomorrow I hope to be another pound smaller and closer to my goal.

Feb. is around the corner and if I can just lose 20-30 …50? I can at least snag a V-day flirt right?

My favorite site is:http://www.mybodygallery.com/

You can enter your weight and height and get girls of that size and height and see yourself though them.

I love to put my height of 5’10 in and go lower and lower and see how with each lower weight the girls just look way more ideal.