Archive for the ‘black women’ Category

It’s like you want to be white, but yet your pro black….you confuse me. (Friendship finally over 3 months and counting…and one more to go.

July 19, 2016

I’m a very forgiving person. A understanding person who over looks flaws of others….because I am flawed. It’s rare, but sometimes I wake up happy to be in a world that is full of different races. Sometimes I wake up loving that I was born a black girl. These feelings could come from last nights sugar  high or simply just a rare feeling of amazement that I exist in a diverse world.

These days I try to explain to …extreme christian title holders (aka those who are not christian, but say so out of habit and tradition) that yes blacks are getting killed….but this been happening. Technology is only a reminder. Just like innocent children who are raped and killed….this is not new it’s just technology is helping us solve murders and media exposing it world wide. We are not in the end times…nothing is new under the sun. I try to ignore those who go into the whole these are the end of times….yawn….stop trying to have people live in fear.

This girl I mentioned in the past on my blog. She is only a year older then me. She was a black girl like me. I was staying with a friend of mines who is white (long story) anyway I met this girl due to her doing my hair. I recall this was watching…I knew it was more out of how we do our hair type of curiosity. Any way the first red flag was when she was doing my hair. She said when I’m done your going to have white girl pretty girl hair… mind said WTF, the friend laughed on the side. I can still hear the laugh now..and this was nearly six years ago. So we stayed in touch and I even told her later on I didn’t like her comment. She said nothing Plus the hair wouldn’t be exactly white girl pretty since it didn’t feel like a white girls hair…trust me I know. When I wear my hair in the past and a white woman wanted to touch my hair I have reached over to touch their hair too, so were equal…which usually has ended in fear of looking like two lesbians about to be in the heat of passion.

As time went on one day she said….I’m shock you don’t have a lot of white friends….she said it like hi, how are you? I was speechless…but let it go. To be honest my friends in my home state were usually black foreign girls and Cuban and there was one black American girl who I cherished. I had two Haitian girlfriends, two Cubans girlfriends,one Jamaican, and one black American (All really American, but to explain it better). They all had one thing in common….they were sane……they accepted me for who I was….I could share my secrets to them, they didn’t raise their voice just because, and none tried to get me inside a church. I was open to anyone as long as they were decent people.

Then one day she called me bougie. I remember going online for the meaning, but I knew I was to be insulted. I called my grandmother and she told me she was called that too. I called her to question what does she really mean??? She then says well it’s like your a white girl…I said HOW?! My dna no matter what says black. I look black too.

I lost it trying to explain to her that blacks are diverse. Just because I didn’t want to take her advice and have sex with black men I never met or know of…plus I have standards. A guy sexing me would be so low of me. I told her she makes me feel like I’m a animal. Like my issue is finding sex. Thats easy if you want nothing like a relationship and gross!!!!! She would over the years say you need sex maybe then youll be normal…drink heavy like her and has a actual pimp for a boyfriend I guess is normal.

Then tried twice to set me on a blind date with drug dealers …. man.

I tolerated her outbursts. She would yell and get loud…why? I said why do you get so angry so fast?! I feel since black women have to man up…..were out there striking…when we shouldn’t, taking on male roles by force I tried to explain to her I think thats why some like her get angry so fast. Her response…..just silence.

I then avoided seeing her for a year and she kept saying I’m avoiding her. And she don’t know why. I told her fine, but every time I’m with you…your rude, you know I walk slow and you out walk me, get a attitude that I can’t keep up, had total strangers laughing at us. She then says I promise I won’t be like that. She was sounding all…gentle and kind.

I felt without meeting her other friends she treated them differently compared to me.  I told her this. She said she see’s me more of a sister. I mean me and her fell out and she would come back and I would force myself to take her back. Thinking of the few decent moments we had and I would try to forget things. I told her I’m bigger then last time so…she said it’s ok, plus her other two friends are with their boyfriends and don’t have time to be with her on her bday.

She complained how they want to be with their man..I said thats normal :/ I mean it’s not their fault there not dating a pimp slash what not. I warned her again about my size. She said ok….soon as she picked me up she looked me up and down. At the restaurant she looked under the table and said my thighs look bigger and she had this wide smile on her face. When I wanted to order another slice of cheese cake  in front of the waitress told me no. We went back and forth …like I was a child.

Then too many times she waited until we got in public like in line at the store…I’m saying hi to the cashier…she then says over and over SHUT UP, SHUT UP…she enjoyed getting me mad I noticed. And embarrassed me for her enjoyment.

The final straw…………..the final fucking straw!

We were talking about the deaths at the hands of cops….I also told her we need cops. I said it’s sad that a few bad cops now makes the face of all cops when it’s not true.

We then talked about famous people and the dreaded over rated Kim k, then men and careers and fashion, and then I told her……………..I told her ………….I like this fairy music on youtube. How listening to it relaxes my mind and takes me to another place within my mind. One even brought me to tears it was so beautiful…the tunes. It’s only tunes.

This is one of my favorites:


I don’t know why I like it, but my mind loves it. They have other music from around the world I haven’t gotten to yet. I didn’t know as I said this she was online looking it up. Next min she said wow this really exists…you don’t hide your thoughts and who you are…I said thank you?

I mean I shared other youtube things I like in the past and we were free talking.

Then she said it…she said it. She said it’s like you want to be a white girl, but then you’re pro black. I said what did you say?!  She then says NOTHING. I mean she forgot I like R&B and oldies….likely remember me listening to Britney spears only, forget that I listen to Nicki Minji…ignoring all the dirty things she say such as nappy headed hoes in her older music, she even put me down in the past for liking old school music from Mary J, Aaliyah, TLC ect.  Yet this music was crossing white girl land. Deep down if I could not like this music to please the hidden black requirements I would.  I like rock like Linkin Park oldies, Korn oldies………I just like all music just not country.

I then tried to let it go as she got loud saying I didn’t say that!!!

The next day she denied it. Like it was in my head I heard her say that. I was done….a month pass she called…I ignored returning any of her calls…which is easy since I like to  text to be honest. She then text, so your still ignoring me? I text back yes and were not friends anymore. She says your going to throw away 6 years??? I said I should of thrown it away years ago. Your not a friend. I need a friend who will let me be….me….just me.

I told her my dna won’t change and I will be black till the day I die. I told her its a shame that if I enjoyed popeyes daily, had six kids with no father in sight …she would never judge me. Or if I had a drug dealer for a boyfriend that would be me being real back. I told her it’s like everything neg is black in your eyes…she then gets angry and textes me your accusing me of being racist to  my own race?! I said YES. She then texts get the hell off my line!!! I said ok…

Another month pass…she texts…hi. I text hi were not friends.

It was hard….I hate leaving people, but I had to.

I felt such freedom after.

This one is in her early 50’s. She has some good and then….as time goes on it seems she gets angry faster. Like rapid. She got mad at me and loud on the phone because I asked her why does she want to call a college and demand to speak to the Dean to let her skip testing?? She went off to the point I went ahead and hung up on her. My first thought was why don’t she tell a COLLEGE dean to let her skip testing because it’s hard. I am powerless and only a student myself :/ so before I hung up I recall her last words were don’t call me again! I thought thats easy….again I like to text so….this is a treat for me.

When she gives me advice such as quit my job….do this and that and when I say thats not a good idea she gets loud on the phone. I’m like wow and usually just sit the phone down and watch tv. Shes the type of black woman who would be rich helping the media say were all this way when we all know thats not true.

Black women should be allowed to cry, laugh, be angry (when it makes sense), be tired, or bored. I mean today she said my memory is real bad (she use to deep down assume I’m slow….yup I’m not the one a single parent who now works several low paying jobs…I’m the slow one. Just because I told her I wasn’t angry 4 years ago :/ . I went to apply for a job and they weren’t hiring. I recall being disappointed ….I don’t get angry fast. Usually I’m sad or just disappointed. She then gets loud as if I will say yes your right….and I see why she pretty much no longer have friends. She then gets mad and says forget it were done talking about it…I then say…she cuts me off WERE DONE.

I allowed her several times like the other girl to get mad at me…claim there leaving only to return. Very soon she’ll be out too.

I have a friend who moved. She doesn’t judge me, don’t care what I do,when we talk our voices stay the same…no raising high. Her emotions are normal like anyone else. When we have disagreements we may talk/text fast, but our voices/cap lock not on is the pretty much the same. I can call her now and say I wish this is longer vs only 2 minutes:


She will only say that sounds pretty good and it should be. I can say well I don’t remember feeling that way she won’t get loud and say my memory is bad.


Anyway when someone asked me…is that really your friend? I was …..weak and said a hard yes. I know this isn’t my friend. And this is someone I don’t plan to stay in touch with either.

We got into a heated argument last week over this guy…

He was killed by a cop recently which made many angry. I told her well…the way he died was bad, but he wasn’t a great guy either. She said well he didn’t deserve to die like that!!!!

He got a 14 year old girl pregnant when he was 20 years old, for years he sold CDS outside, I wondered how his family said he was a great guy………..yet he was living in a shelter…not with his woman and kids.

Alton Sterling Arrest Record, Criminal History & Rap Sheet [DOCUMENTS]

No one should die like that yes, but I was saying he wasn’t a great guy and she got mad.

The guy who was shot live on facebook was a great guy, then the cops recently were decent too. They were great people taken too soon.

Can’t wait to move on….



Asian girls, being ignored in class/college due to my size…it’s so blunt,my black friend

April 6, 2016

Picture it….April 5th 2016 11:11am. Iv’e seen plus size Asian girls, and the expected skinny Asian girls. Currently I’m in college. Yes my bad grammar and all. I go to school down town. Lots of traffic, so many people. I’m waiting for the sign to give the ok to cross the street. I’m already 11 minutes late so far. I notice this 20 something very skinny, clear skinned Asian girl lost in her own mind as we all wait. I was thinking just think if I was that skinny…the fashion that I could wear, the person I could be. life wouldn’t be perfect, but at least I wouldn’t be so alone with the worse men wanting my number for banging sessions. Anyway the light finally gave us the go to cross the street. I noticed a cute guy on the other side of the street…..and I thought….no…no not another skinny girl winning moment!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And away she went right into his arms. Both smiling at each other and both kinda glanced at me and I glanced away. I let them continue their movie like romance. Then last week a Korean couple both in their 20’s. Enjoying each others company on the train. Laughter, happiness, and him being goofy to make her smile. Meanwhile I’m behind them wishing my ride would just end already.

Asian women are free to be cute without judgement or sexy. As a black girl I have to be serious at all times or something is wrong with me. On my campus Asian girls/women are having so many skinny moments it’s insane. I think to myself why can’t they join the fat and curvy moment like these ads Iv’e seen recently??? I found a small clip of large sized Asian women embracing themselves, but their culture won’t really push them to the front like that.

I use to know a really sweet Asian girl…her hair dyed blonde, super skinny, and dark eyes. She didn’t have her race preaching to her about self hate, or tell her thick is in, she was free and today married with child.

Someday I’ll have my day too….



I’m sick of it. I AM SICK OF IT.

I wanted to wave hey I’m alive!! Lets talk. I’m real notice me. I felt my inner child wanting to beg for attention. I’m so glad class is almost over. I can’t wait to never have to see no one faces ever again. I swear yes I SWEAR once I get back on track and I’m thin I WILL IGNORE them as well. I will talk to someone else and have them standing there like the idiot they made me feel like.

I went up to the professor. A educated African man. A proud family man. Not the usual African men who I encounter who openly say they just want sex with me. It’s not just black men from America, but foreign black men too. And usually I never get any educated men or men that would spark your interest. I had a question. I went up to him you know my professor who is here for ALL his students.

As soon as I opened my doubled chinned mouth, with large upper arms at my side. Soon as I opened my mouth with a question about our upcoming quiz. A size 2 looking black girl with black and brown extensions down the mid of her very tiny waist, approached and the professor turned to her and I was STANDING right in front of them both. I was invisible. I stood there large and shocked.  She laughed and he laughed and I really don’t recall what was said. I just remember she was one of those skinny black girls, the girls I avoided going out with. I knew I would increase their looks even further.  I just stood there and felt my face get hot. If pale in tone my whole face would be red. I tried to speak….I just simply walked away.

Then I saw this black guy and white guy talking together. I remember they told me they plan on doing a study group together. I was even kinda invited last week, but was too tired to show up. So I walked over to them,both equally good looking and both have goals. I cleared my throat and said…excuse me……excuse me???

White guy: Oh yea???

Black guy (looks over at me)

Me: In my head (Oh shit they notice me)

Me: When is the next study group???

White guy: Today at _____pm.

Me: Ok maybe I’ll be down there. And did you go last time (looking over at black guy)

Black guy: No. I was too tired. Had to work.

Me: I understand and…

White guy: (looks over at black guy) so….blah blah blah

Black guy: (looks at white guy) ….blah blah blah

Me: (thinking) omg not again!

I just stood there. Time seemed to freeze over. I looked around…it was just be standing there.

This reminds me when a co-worker invited me to her beach party. She was Spaniard and so were the other guests. Everyone was from Spain in a nutshell. I was 20-21 of age. I sat alone in party and my only comfort was well I’m black and maybe the rest of the guests weren’t fond of blacks. Next min I noticed a dark skin, slim girl having this sexy ass guy from Spain hitting on her as she blushed and gently pretended she didn’t want his advances next minute I just walked out and left!

I had already had 5 cups of punch that night and was the only one alone near the snacks.

Part of me wanted to cry as I exited the class room. I just felt numb. I waited for the elevator


I got in trying to forget. Trying to move on. I was in the elevator with a petite brown skinned Asian/India girl. I made small talk and ask…are you in my class too? She smiled and said yes! I don’t know most of the students in my class, but some have noticed me. I said so…how are you doing in class? She said I’m doing fine. I said …good …good. The elevator stopped and open bringing in this brown skinned Asian/India very fit cute guy in. I saw her blush and looked away from him pretending not to look. He noticed her. Next minute a black girl girl with her diverse race of friends walked in….all of a sudden were all on the topic of fricken  yogurt and how they feel fat…none were fat all were slim. I was in a crowded elevator with skinny girls talking about yogurt, and a guy lusting after a slim short India girl. My fat self was pushed to the back watching it all unfold.

Next minute a slim white girl got aboard…..I couldn’t take it. I pressed the next upcoming floor and told everyone I need to get out! I found myself waiting for another elevator. Luckily I got to ride the rest of the way down alone.


I give people many chances. I try to forgive and move on. I was called slow by this black girl. Why? Because she felt how I reacted to things were not normal. I rather talk things out and even debate, but I hate cursing I rather not to be honest. I always tell others I don’t care if you do.  She has her positives, but how she reacts is every reality tv’s wet dreams.

She can go from zero to 100 in seconds and had the nerve to say I forgot that your sensitive. I said no your too aggressive. I even said you know how the world stereotypes black girls why do you have to live up to it? Then she said see your talking about me…at this time we were texting because I refuse to answer her calls and I told her I like to text anyway. Calls kinda makes me feel trapped sometimes.

I told her through text that honestly she makes me nervous sometimes. It’s like saying the wrong thing or opinion will set things off. I told her I try to ignore her, but today was her worse.

I notice she dates certain type of men. Men who are all about that…life? She starts sounding like the men too, how they talk, when angry she goes into hood accent mode and I point it out and she can’t tell. She said something to me rude…and I told her he has called you that and now your calling me that…now part of your vocab.

She was shocked and said yes he has. I said then if I’m your friend why would you call me that? Over the years I got her to stop calling me her bitch. I don’t care what people call each other on tv. I’m no nigga nor is your man or yourself, and I’m not a bitch as a word of friendship :/

I find it strange women are calling each other bitch as common as the word…hi.

Anyway. It all started with me on the phone with her asking for a favor.

I ask her could she sign a paper for me so I can renew my cna license. She said…

Her: And what else is on that paper???

Me: I said nothing. I just need you to sign so I can renew my license.

Her: What the hell do I need to sign???

Me: (thinking..ok wow)… I need you to sign so I can renew it. And in the comment section just say I helped you out.


Me: (click) I hung up the phone. Even cutting it off for a few minutes. I felt myself wanting to cry. I curled up in a ball already having to deal with school earlier watching skinny women enjoy attention and get noticed. Then this hot mess.

When I cut my phone back on I saw she had text I’m sorry. I told her she is wrong for all that and how she has no balance on how she reacts to things. Yelling at me and cursing me out was not the right reaction. She then texts you want me to lie though….I text back when have you been about being honest. She called twice and I was still shaken up. I told her I’m too uncomfortable to talk to her and that I’m human. You texting sorry five different times won’t take the moment back. I told her honestly you hurt me. She then gets mad and texts fine don’t talk to me!

I then text someone I haven’t called in months if she could…she said no problem.

I had another moment with a black pal of mines two days ago. And we said some words which ended me in saying I won’t talk every again. I’ll just let you talk and I’ll listen I just won’t say a word…she lost three other friends within two months and don’t see it’s her is the problem.

I have two good black friends one would be perfect like super perfect if she stop slipping up calling me a bitch…work in progress.

One great white friend…I love her she has helped me a lot in so many ways I could never repay her for.

And recently met a lady (biracial) who I think would be a good friend. She is so caring ect. I made sure to hint I have nothing against her white side. And now we talk openly about race and politics and the economy.  And we have been texting on and off.

Of course I know some wonderful people long distance wise too.

The people that are not good for me tend to try and keep in touch with me. I even plan on letting them go, but they come back. I then just don’t have the heart to break them off because I think of the good times too.


I’m going to go to bed. Life is tough and I feel my size these rude women feel they can take over me or something.



Not into black men really and why, think like a white girl?

March 21, 2016

I grew up as a little girl hearing from adult black women….

I want me a dark skinned man.

Nothing, but a black man for me.

Nothing can compare to a black man.

And of course the size myth (when all men vary).

All this ego boosting got to many of their heads…along with making other races of women even more curious.

I went on craig list rant section. A white woman wanted to know is it true about black men’s size??? Other white women who have dared and ventured into the unknown to experience the side show of the great black dick all responded to…it’s only a myth.

I did have a white girl show me a pic on her cell phone of her black mans great big thingy.

She didn’t know it, but I played stupid.

No no your man looks native American!

No girl he is black.

No Native American.

No black like you.

She then zoomed in to make sure I saw his manhood. I faked it and said oh wow so..big like you said.

To be honest the size wouldn’t matter to me.

(Back in time)

Even though I witnessed a lot of abuse. My mom seemed to be close to deaths door with the awesome black man. State visit and once I was close to being taken away. In a church we went to. They had some type of event where some dressed in African patterns. And in many black churches the majority are black women. Many single with or without kids, few married…very few. Without black women the majority of black churches would be shut down.  Even with all the abuse going on, in public other black women saw them as this black couple…and saw hope for themselves.

Still I grew up liking boys. All races of boys in 5th grade. I liked any boy who didn’t want me. Not giving the boy who was biracial (white and Cuban) a chance. I felt bad….later on as a fat single girl. He was moving and tried to go after me to have contact with me, but I was too all that and kept walking. Then the Haitian boy who kept trying to get me alone for early sex activities. I had a crush on the Italian boy, the Cuban boy, the Jamaican boy….all in rotation.



Cuban: …laughed

Jamaican…um…I like another girl (he really did even into 6th grade)

(jumping into some years)

My life was kinda sheltered. I was comfortable with it being protected.

I hated when my mom would drop me off into other people’s home. Many of us would get our hair done cheaper if it’s someones home then a salon. She was a dark skinned woman, in her 40’s at the time. I remember sitting on the floor facing the tv with her feet on each side of me. I saw my first and promised my last music video. When getting my hair done whatever the person doing your hair was watching you were forced into watching.

On the tv their were women with slim bodies, long hair both real and fake hair, and wearing bathing suits to sexy clothes. They all stared into the camera, dancing near the man. Skin flawless, everything perfect,….but the women were of mixed race and non black. In the middle was a dark skinned man with tattoos and dark shades as if he was at a pool party next min indoors. This was black man heaven. I remember my young mind wondering and trying to find the black girls. Black girls who everyone knew was black not…is she black or mixed…or is that a latino or a tanned white girl..???

My love of music was diverse…though I had to listen to in secret. At the time my mother was super strict and any music outside of christian was considered satan’s music by the church. I listened to chop suey, Korn, Lincoln park, papa roach. On the rare when I did get a glance at music videos. I noticed white men promoting their women both the tanned to pale skinned. Even latinos were promoting their women. Yet black men were helping other races of men promote their women. Yet black women were promoting their men. You can still see this in Nicki Minji videos where the men are dark …you never guess is he black or white or..huh :/

Britney spears was a break. Her music wasn’t full of I need me a light skin girl. Her music was fun, easy to sing to, pop, perfect. Team Aqua in grade school with Barbie girl….something I have saved on my favorites and still listen to shhhh. And spice girls were a big thing in school and along with my beloved (RIP ) Aaliyah and TLC.

Still I was sheltered. I drew, day dreamed and thought of better times once I’m a adult. I still liked all races of boys. Staying indoors and going out only to get the mail and forced on sundays to church and of course school. I got naturally lighter to the point I appeared pale at times. I needed brown and a almost white makeup on certain parts. People remarked how lighter I got and I’m looking pale.

As I got older still a teen. Hanging out with my friend a dark skinned Haitian girl. Very sweet, loyal, and the greatest friend someone like me could ever have. Yet black guys would ignore her ….right in front of her for me. Once black guys heard me tell the truth that I was black like them…they would lose total interest.

Honestly I feared the sun….I was afraid that I wouldn’t be beautiful to them. Then I discovered her…:

Next minute I tried to lay in the sun on the beach. I wanted to look just like her. I tried to get darker……..only thing that happened was I ended up in the hospital 4 different times. A girl told she don’t understand. How can I be sun sensitive? My skin would peel, I would get sick, my stomach would blister and I felt dizzy….so out the sun I was again. I try to be careful these days still…or another ER visit. I just can be in the sun for hours.

As I got a little older. In middle school. A biracial girl (white mother and black father) tried to get me to join a club for mix race girls with white mothers. I told her I was black…next min she tried to fight me…including the black girl who was the color of Vanessa Williams. We both were lighter then her. I learned about favoritism black boys had for white girls and in second place mix race girls.

It was ok for the white girl to be her self, be silly, dress non name brand, it was also ok she could be loud, have sex at 16 (like one of my bullies), drink or not drink, curse or not…she could be anything she dreamed of being.

When our boys/men told us were too loose…even those of us who are virgins are still bitches and hoes, we were too loud, we were too dark, we wear fake hair or that our hair too nappy, latino girls are spicy we just had too much attitude,  all black girls are fat….then they get fat non black women. When really all these excuses were …we are black. Notice they never talk of traveling to other countries that the majority are black..oh no.

On top of me not having a father, and meeting lots of others with out black fathers both mixed or not, to seeing twice black men high fiving one another just for having a white girl on their arms….not the ideal ones, but….anyway. It was a badge of honor.

Yet…black women (not as greatly in the past, but many still are) are uplifting black men. The creation of youtube is full of black men declaring to the world that their women are inferior (a reflection of themselves) and all other races are perfect each and every way.

Even foreign black men are not the greatest.

It was dark out as I waited for the bus. The bus almost passed me by….I got on and he started with the joke if I wasn’t so dark skinned…. (he was dark skinned) and when he saw me…stop the joke since I don’t fit his racist joke towards his own race.

I think to myself…how could I be with someone ….I don’t feel loved or beautiful with?

At my size and weight that will someday decreased…and someday I’ll get bold and brave and give a guy a chance…..I will be with someone who makes me feel like a cherished woman….not him doing me a favor by being with me.

So instead of this fantasy black love. I’m just seeking love in the future.

All the things I seen and witnessed. Pretty much killed any possible chance I could see myself with a black man. I told a friend of mines that was shocked, but I was being honest. If I got with a black guy and I became a single black mother with kids…it’s best to lock me up in a mental ward because I know I will snap and be gone.  I would pretty much start from when I was molested and be a empty shell. Someone without a voice and trapped within myself. And maybe once again it would take a couple of decades to appear normal on the outside leaving my kids without both parents.

And like people usually do… the same ones pushing for black love…will blame the black woman for not keeping her legs closed, and think she picked a thug, and it’s all her fault and tons of great black men out there…somewhere.

Right now its summer. I would also need a man who wouldn’t mind that my skin may naturally get a little darker sometimes.

72 Percent Of Black Kids Raised By Single Parent, 25% Overall In U.S.

Breaking Point? What’s Up with All These Stories of Black Women Killing Their Children?!

I had been watching videos of pro male vids. Black men say white women are better…then white men come on saying no no white women can be entitled!  And Asian women are better…next min you’ll find a video saying don’t date Asians or other foreign women they are only pretending…then black men come back saying no no, but black women are the worse! Then I saw a comment from a white guy telling a black guy that his comments are racist towards black women and all races of men can stand together stronger against women, but we can’t if all your videos are racist towards just black women…

I’m noticing black women are finding love elsewhere. Focusing on the person then if he is black too. As this is slooooooooooooooooooooooooowly happening.  All of a sudden sloooooooowly some black men are posting how they love black women now on youtube. I couldn’t thumb a video fast enough of a black man who said he thinks black women are beautiful , but he likes asian women. And of course the black women desperate for their own race of men to love them kept saying thank you thank yooooou! Um….he said he wants a Asian women even before he began the rest of his video :/

Thats like a white man saying I think white women are beautiful because my mom is white , BUT before I continue I like Asian girls….but anyway white women are beautiful because_________

No thank you.

I use to be that black girl who smiled all the time. Now I don’t…and I’m part of the black girls don’t smile much. Well when your made to feel ugly by your own men, been through hell, and the only time black men approach me is for sex or/and money…why should I smile? Once I’m thin and no longer in my area then I believe the old me will return fully.


Think like a man, act like a woman??? No…

I was on the phone with a friend maybe two months ago.

I told her some of us already think like a man….well how a man should be. Other races too, but it’s worse in the black community . Many of the women are mommy and daddy. It’s not normal to play both genders.

*Disclaimer this about the normal white girls. The ones I had hung out with. Not the ones at night in my area with a black dude and both strung on drugs, or ones who date black men (their behavior is…) , yes to white women with their own race or other non black races, and the ones who are thin or want to lose weight (not part of the I want to be fat movement)*

As we were talking we were talking about how lucky white women are. Yet they don’t even know it. We like some others….don’t really understand the fight they have against their men. They want equal pay…but make more then all other races of women, they fought to be able to wear jeans….skirts are cute, they wanted to work just like their men…no one wanted to join us out in the women been working before it was legal for them to work along side their men like we got to. The whole feminism movement  ……I get the right to vote I guess. Yet we both agreed we rather have white girl problems.

Black feminism feels more like treat us like women, and can we get the same treatment as women as other races? And that were beautiful too.  A man telling me to have babies and to cook/clean sounds like a fantasy (I speak for myself)

As we were talking we recalled a latino teacher we had. Who looked black…and latino at the same time. Forgot where she said shes from. She went on saying how the teacher said in her culture no matter how fat they are they always dress well always! As I sat there letting them know I won’t bother to dress up my fat…its pointless and only increases  attention I get now.

So were on the phone talking and I’m listening  well dressed latino women are. Don’t matter how big.

We were on this subject only because we want to try to be more feminine. All the things we been through, as black women were not in  a culture where our men placed us above everyone else. Even Asian women got to practice being cute and lady like. When we got the motto strong (a manly trait) black woman. Strong this and that.

Then I said you know what……..instead of think like a man which is terrible. Why not think like a white girl?

All of a sudden everything halted.

I don’t know about thinking like them!?

I told her there from a different culture yes, but….

Their culture is not perfect just like everyone else once based as individuals.

White women grow up in a world where they see themselves most of the time, besides their men not degrading them in lyrics about things they were born with racially it tends to be uplifting using the best they can find. The worse they can get is fat shaming. The guy has a thing for red heads…easy dye hair.

Black girls grew up with the likes of Good times and pine sol lady in earlier times. Whites got the Brady Bunch girls and that girl ….whats her name…she played in Grease super thin, with the perfect ending outfit in leather.

Only recently were getting attractive black girls on screen. The girls you wouldn’t mind being compared to. Since we don’t have the society hook up my idea was to act like we do.

We can’t expect to go to a concert and see ourselves as the majority. Justin B. all the way from Canada and in a black R.B style of dance and music  even did a shout out for German girls in his earlier music, and his backup dancers…you guessed it!

I don’t listen to lil Wayne or any other of the likes who promote only other women. Black women need to only listen to others and ignore those who degrade you. And just because your not dark skin doesn’t mean you should support it, also if your dark skin and want to start with the preference speech………it’s not normal for the majority of a race of men to only seek other races based on skin tone and use made up excuses and get everything he don’t want in you in another race.

Nutshell listen to music that either promotes you or is in between. Example Madonna, Britney spears, rock ect….at least their music makes sense they are promoting themselves. Yet you won’t hear Britney Spears for example sang…oh baby oh baby how was I suppose to know…, that your not the right shade yay! Um no.

A ex coworker she was white, and even she admitted that they hate her dyed red hair. She said because she’s white they won’t say anything, but if it was me they would. At least she was honest! And she was right! It will take time for some, but to me as long as it’s done right. I feel its ok we wear any shade of lipstick and any color hair if we want to. Just think if white, Latino, Asian women had to live by our forced on rules?  It’s no fun. When I read some young teens say online I hate being black…I don’t think they mean the race, but the rules we allow and force on each other. Also from outsiders too. It’s much more fun to be white in their eyes because they can change up their color of hair, wear contacts freely with no judgement of self hate (Paris Hilton eyes are brown), they can act like themselves without given the oreo label. Care free blacks so far are blacks with millions who don’t have closed minded people around them. You have to enjoy this life. Not live by others standards.


Black girls can’t win here. It’s best to live how you want. I read black men say were loose and having rabbit type of sex. Next min I’m reading were not sexually free like the white girls and white girls do it all. It’s best to leave damaged men alone…

I struggle with this. Due to my religious background, fear of diseases, and not willing to be used for sex because I’m fat….I’ve never done it.  Another part of me was I’m a black girl I’ll prove them wrong!!! I only proved I allowed stereotypes to greatly control me. I think black women can be sexy and hold a degree if they want to. And even not sexy and no degree as well.

Were the only race told to be natural…..and were proud of being natural. No botox as a majority, no going under the knife for us ect. and will lie when a wealthy black person gets something done and looks great…we may lie and say their before was better. If they can afford it white girls will get some work done without the are you self hating, ect. Even Brazilian women enjoying themselves under the knife. A friend of  friend she is white and got a sugar daddy (Yes she is thin) to fund her a boob job. Deep down I wish that was me having someone fund my surgery. Again our men will chase down Kim K who had lots and lots of work done…yet it’s we wear weave. In a nutshell live your life and be free…it’s so hard to do, but slowly it’s possible. Also its ok to be natural and its ok to be unatural. The law s of black women hood truly sucks. I’m shocked were not told to be fully nude yet…it’s coming…


Maybe my ideas are bad, or good. I just think its way better then women thinking like a man.