Archive for the ‘learning’ Category

The average life/day of a nurse assistant who wants a very different lifestyle. *May offend some, but not intended…warning.

January 10, 2016


Like most nurse assistants we call nursing homes the slave plantation. Residents by habit call us nurses. We correct them, but it never sticks. Which makes it appear like a bunch of nurses are doing all this work for you.

The average nursing home is made up of:

1st shift- Four nurses, eight aides 6am-2pm
2nd shift- Four nurses, eight aides 2pm- 10pm
3rd shift- Two nurses, four aides 10pm-6am

The Head nurse is called the D.O.N
Then usually two A.D.O.N (Assistant to D.O.N)

Nurses are made up of LVNs aka the slave masters aka more so the over seers. The nursing station itself is created to watch us from a distance where they don’t have to leave their soft seats.

Nurses tend to be racial wise: Nigerian mainly, Ethiopian, and a few white, and few Black/African American.

Nurse assistants are usually black mainly from other countries, few black/African Americans. And at rare one white girl….who usually quits within months and they too usually view nursing homes as plantations as well.

The average nurse assistant/aide deserves a min. of 15 dollars a hour, but due to people coming from other countries taking the nurse assistant jobs…the pay stays low. The pay can increase, but if your desperate for a job such as me or from the poor part of your country 9 a hour is great! As a new Cna short for nurse assistant. A African lady was happy such as I to land their first cna job. She was making 7.50 at a day care. She was offered 9 a hour and she was very over joyed. Well….3 months later she wanted to return to the day care and said they over work us for this small pay. Sadly her job was filled…and she was stuck slaving away with the rest of us.

Things that you go through as a nurse assistant:
*This is from ALL the nursing homes Iv’e been at.

1) Called blacky or black bitch (If your dark skinned, this happened to some.
2) You may have to work through your 30 min lunch break. No one gets a 15 min break.
3) Residents laughing that you just changed their diaper, but they just wet and poo again
4) Residents slapping you, punching you, spitting at you, or like me kick dropped to the floor by sweet innocent grandpa. None of this gets in the news. Only if they are the victims. Nor will the aide who was punched semi blind by sweet dear ol grandpa she tried to get clean.
5) Nurses pointing to call lights on…they refuse to answer it. LVN nurses are highly lazy and could be why hospitals rather Rns. Sometimes when you answer it you find out they want medicine, then you have to walk alllllllllllllllll the way to nurse to tell him/her so and so wants meds when if they answered the light…
6) Residents are lonely. They push the call light a lot for mino things, to talk, problem is 20 plus residents need actual care.
7) When nurses dont like you they may give residents pills to give them the runs ON PURPOSE. To punish the aide when she/he …mainly the shes. Residents sometimes need help to poo, but sometimes its given out of evil.
8) Lazy aides who hide which leaves all the work to you.
9) Poo due to meds, and other meds, and gross nursing home foods…the poo is so strong and so smelly that my nose and eyes run and had to get out, which made the whole entire halls smell bad.
10) Family wants their mom or dad ect #1 or else……remember you can never get a 15 min break, under paid, on your feet lot, get abuse from residents…who know how to act when family comes….they want their love one number 1 and to pretty much get one on one care…….well its us vs 20 plus residents who have love ones who want their love ones number one.
11) No matter how young or old you are, you will feel pain. You have to lift heavy large and tall people, or tall and solid weight people who refuse hoyer lifts. Your on your feet a lot.
12) Family members don’t want to touch your hand because they saw you clean their love ones back side caked with poo….the places your hands go. Soaking hands in bleach after work doesn’t take the feeling away.
13) Again very lazy lvn/lpn nurses who people view as heros of the medical word (eye roll) nurses rather look for a already busy aide for 10 min then to change so and so. ALL nurses are trained in nurse assistant skills before becoming Nurses, but they are too good to do it.


1) The D.O.N and A.D.O.N wears scrubs DAILY like its nurses and aides. Anyway who is a nurse who wears regular clothes is a sign of laziness. They plan on looking good, but not working hands on if needed.

2) Living assistant homes are the greatest. The labor is normal, aides barely quit because the work load…is human. Not where they have to decide on a lunch break or being behind.

3) Ask if the nurses change diapers too. If they say we have aides..RUN. Iv’e seen nurses on allllllllllllll shifts manage to find time to sit, talk on their phones you know no hands needed, talk to each other, and get more sit time when they chart (cnas tend to have to stand and chart…hmmm)
And sometimes nurses do stay late anyway…won’t hurt if they helped their aides. Nurse aides are to assistant not slave and do all.

4)See if you can find a honest aide. Some nurses take lazy to a new level. They have the aides give the meds and try to get us to work with the ostomy bag and oxygen tanks when were not suppose to. Aides would be honest, but many fear you will say so and so….we have bills.

5)They want your money. They want it badly. Ask the pay of nurse assistants. If they give a range (which is usually a lie) ask to speak to three random aides and ask of their pay. The lowest a aide should make is 12 a hour…if she/he says 12 ask how long they’ve worked here. If over 2 years leave! Usually cnas sadly get 10 or 10 sometimes and at rare 11. A low paying aide means they have two or three cna jobs on the side….do you want a aide who cares for your love one tired and worn out? I seen med aides and nurse aides come to work with red eyes from their other job….


After being kicked dropped, slapped, a resident tried to touch me after putting her hands in her mouth. I just want out. I applied at in and out burger on Friday aka 1/8/16. They said if I pass interview part one with him I will get a call between then or today sunday……… call yet 😦
And at this hour of 7:40pm I doubt I passed.
I wish I could make fries and burgers for a decent wage and continue my education.
Cleaning poo and pee, being yelled at by upper staff…is very fat friendly. All the in and out employees were diverse. BUT everyone was skinny and the men fit or very close to fit. The women were super skinny to the fattest employee looked like a size 12, but all the others a size 4-6.  At least I went I thought….maybe fat people deserve a check until they can become skinny to get hired at decent places. In and out burger don’t mind fat customers at least…


I live alone, my rent increase…..Im finally a sophomore in college after I pass ONE class.  But since I been thinking of going PRN at the nursing home aka work when they have the hours and if I agree to work it vs be on their full time schedule and dealing with mess …full time. Its a risk because my bills are full time not part time. About four-five times almost risk losing my place. I need to look for a different job, but can’t handle where Im at and all the write ups I get and abuse from residents I get. I told D.O.N. not to yell at me over the phone and just talk to me like I am talking to her…next min she finds something to write me up about. If PRN I won’t be a regular and on her radar anymore. I been wanting out, but problem is like many other cnas with our experience its rare any one wants to give us a chance. Hospitals like aides with hospital experience. It never ends.


Right now I struggle financially, I work at a job with no value and no decent pay.  My mind wants a skinny body with dates, outings, shopping for clothes, and being active and looking great even in the worse clothing choices. I want surgery for skin lift, and a lift in the chest area. I want to feel my bones not soft fat everywhere.

Gets ready for another shift full of poo and pee…and hits….

Never wear make up because what my face will be expose to….

2016 has to be my year it has to….

Why did I see this on my dash…Fucking spoilers




Next post I make: So I told my friend instead of think like a man act like a lady. Why not think like a thin white girl and act like a lady instead?

Didn’t go well, but hear me out on why! On next post.

Trust me I watch my surroundings reason why this blog will someday will be taken down…

Bye Bye…

Off to work…does deep breath…


Lacking compassion with self….and learning to have more understanding, compassion,and patience with self.

February 16, 2015

Working as a cna/aide is one of the worst jobs to be trapped in. Residents wanting you to drop everything for them (when your clearly busy helping another), I tried to clean someone whose poop was so bad (due to his meds) it was so strong I threw up clear nothing (since I thankfully haven’t eaten yet). You have very few nice ones, but many makes you not want to care for another soul again. Five days ago a resident in his 40’s, with his mind right, just disabled….(slightly changes subject) I try to be nice to all, I even buy (on the very rare) candy to the residents, I try to listen about their lives growing up as they lay in their beds with snacks, but there is never no time to listen let alone a proper break. Well five days go this resident cursed me out, dumb ass this, fucker, fuck you, and followed me…when it was time for me to go home. Like I mentioned before I cried all day into the next day. The don ect. expect me to work with that monster. He did say sorry and can we be friends? I was shocked and thought he lost his mind. So you want this mother fucker, dumb ass,ect to be friends with you :/

Being talked down like that crushed me badly. I felt awful for days. I went outside and out of no where I was blinded by my own tears. I could see, but my eyes were full of water. I felt the urge to cry randomly for days. I requested time off from work. I knew they would grant it to me after how I was treated and no nurse stopped it. Nine days off from a job I been trying to escape from. I was going to see my family. My mom was the one who told me to take time off to visit.

Thats when things got worse.

I have a payday loan out. I needed 30 dollars. With payday loans min you can take out is 100…so I had to. Food/bus transportation. I don’t make a lot of money. I need money. I can’t afford a car, and it seems I owe the world. And taking time off I will miss five days worth of pay. The round trip is 168 dollars. My mom said I need to pay 60 of it. Problem is my cell phone bill, pay day loan,I’m paid semi monthly, and taking time off is already me paying over 60 as it is. Another thing is I don’t live with family (im in another state) , my adult sister lives with my mom and doesn’t work, eats there free, cable, has her own room, mom treats her out to movies and fast food and restaurants. All that adds up…so to me why can’t she pay the whole ticket? When I said I’m about to lose my place my family sent no funds, no help, zero.  My sister gets way more then me always.

I told her everything about how I need help,  and by visiting I’m taking a risk financially as it is. She then said well you got cats (its cheap to feed cats) and they cost money. And if you managed your money right…and she went on and on. Putting me down when I do that pretty well on my own….so there goes my family visit trip.

1) Rude resident who cursed me out.

2) My mom putting me down and as always my sister gets it all. Not long ago they had steak with potatoes. I would love to afford some steak at a decent restaurant or even store bought.

So I decide to call my aunt. BIG mistake. She blamed me. Said thats why no one likes to talk to me, and no one wants to be bothered with me, I told her shes wrong and since she is a therapist with a PHD (who helps students at a university) how could she talk to me like this? I wanted to know how does she talk to her clients??? She said see thats your problem your trying to be cute. I said no I want to know. She said your not my client and never will be my client , I’m your aunt!

She went on and on and as soon as I try to get a word in she says see thats your problem you don’t listen!

She then says SHUT UP,SHUT UP,SHUT UP,SHUT UP. I was shocked. I told her as she kept saying this. I never told another human to shut up, and that I have more class then that to do so. She then says over and over…IM HANGING UP,IM HANGING UP,IM HANGING UP. I beat her to it and CLICKED. I did so before she did.

My aunt the therapist with a PHD in psychology made me feel even worse. When I shared my life to someone she said shes amazed I haven’t killed myself yet. I told her the thought to do so was strong in the past, but I always think if I do so……..then I no longer have a voice. Those who made me feel my worst, made me feel like shit will speak for me. Likely saying how I had so many problems aka never putting the blame on themselves.

I come from a family who some are educated, some are not.

They see no flaws in themselves…such as leaving teenage me stranded outside 12am in the morning as men passed by slowly trying to get me in their cars…but drove in darkness to find my sister who was hanging out with the wrong crowd. They say I can’t get over things (I won’t forget), and how the men my family get with ruined not only my childhood, but some other things too.

1)Resident cursing me out

2)Not visiting family and mom putting me down to prove a point

3)Aunt letting me know that no one wants to even talk to me

All happened within 4 days. It was too much. I was angry, crying, and just very hurt. I hate them I said to myself. Why do I have to have this family!??!? Its backwards. My younger sister is given a car, but not me. Nothing makes any sense. Favorites are a huge thing in this family.

I have already gone through enough past and present. My life seems to be going nowhere. I need to return to school, but too costly to do so.

I was online just to be online. I read a article about how we talk to ourselves and we need to have compassion. Just like you would talk to a friend, why not talk to yourself the same way. You wouldn’t point out all your friends flaws and make them feel terrible.

I broke down so hard in tears. Typing this now in tears. I never got compassion from my family, and I never gave myself compassion either. Just like my family I only saw everything wrong with me. My education sucked growing up too. Teachers let me pass without me trying, my mom didn’t want to help me because I wasn’t  fast learner like my other sister. I was only good at reading. Grammar,and math I rank lowly (proof in my blog I know). I need math to get any education….so to be honest I can only go so far. I only know the worse of me. And nothing else. I did get a A in a college course…………only because the professor kept telling me I can do it, and kept saying positive things until I believed him. Once the class was over…not all professors are as encouraging.

I can’t get compassion from my family, nor will they ever see their mistakes and how their words hurt me. Even if I pretend to forget I will never let it go. I want to remember everything so when I get married without them knowing someday they can know why.

As of today I will try my best to have more compassion with self…

Yes I’m 27 with no degree, never had a boyfriend, in awful low paying job, with disorders over food, but its ok(Im trying to say its ok…)

My first goal (outside of continuing my weight loss)

Is to teach myself math.

Sadly to bring my skills from 5th grade to college…seems like something I shouldn’t even try, but I will have compassion and understanding that yes my past made me who I am today, but it doesn’t have to be my future.