I always heard that after they lost weight a large amount of it they still thought they were fat. I was like how can you look in the mirror and be a size 8 and still think your a size 18 for example? I was like there is no way!!! Today my boss told me not to forget to dress real nice….realy nice ok? I said ok real nice and he said yes real nice! He must know me somehow without knowing how I dress in street clothes. I don’t really have clothes that I can currently fit that would be considered real nice…maybe for a picnic or the zoo or in the dark watching a unpopular movie. Something real nice for a date or sales job NOPE. I like working stock I slip on my pants, black shirt , sneakers and the end. No dressing up daily trying to find clothes to hide my fat somewhat.
I was like ok in a cheerful voice and as I walked off I was like here we go…..
In two days from now I must dress up as I help make boxes and other x-mas like items for customers! Its not even December and here I was thinking ok sometime in Dec. he wants us to dress up….nope in two days! So out goes the goal of somehow losing 20 pounds before dress up.
I was brain storming after that should I fake sick? At the end I knew I had to go besides my need of money it would look odd to pretend to be sick all of a sudden on that day. After work I walked my 30 min. walk all the way home to charge up my phone a few minutes and to feed the kittens their one can a day cat food. As always from the bush they watch me lay the can down and as I walk off they come out and eat as fast as they can!
I then got my phone took a 30-40 minute walk to Target to find some spanx….yes spanx I heard all the raves of this product, but never bought it since at the end of the day Im still fat. The idea of looking 10-15 pounds slimmer just by shoving myself in spanx had me make the walk right after work only to find out Target doesn’t sell Spanx, but they have shape wear that when I touched it didn’t feel like anything tight, but may define my side rolls some more…so yes I left!
I sat outside Target to rest my feet and called wal-mart before walking there to see if they had the brand spanx. The lady was like what is that? I said something that holds all of you in! She said one moment and came back and said no. I then called Jc Penny and I got a yes we have it! Took me 15 min. from Target to get to Jc Penny and my feet were killing me!!!
I asked for help by another morbidly obese woman who was sitting doing her work (don’t blame her).
I asked her have she ever wore spanx before? She said proudly no and if no one can take her as she is then oh well!
I laughed and asked ok do you know how spanx sizing works? As if I was joining the pro fat movement with her…NEVER.
Long story short I tried the spanx on and yes it held my rolls in, but was like I can find a outfit that can hide me better then wasting 20 dollars to blend rolls from being so seen.
I found a nice red causal top and a cute pair of pants that are dressy. I loved it!!
It was a 2x top and a size 24 buttom pair of pants.
I thought of my long distance friend who is losing weight with her now flat stomach and loose fitting size 14 from forever 21 store. She now wears color something more plus size women should do and even I said no black!! Yes trimming and slimming, but dull and everyone knows why your in black…they even know why you get excited winter is coming too. I recall her saying how she is wearing clothes that are not loose,but tighter and gives her a shape.
I thought it was a waste of time, but thought why not? I said to myself this will be a struggle, but worth a try to see.
I took off the pair of 24 and in the same color slipped on a pair of 22 and to my shock it fit!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought to myself no way…no way!!!
I been wearing a 24 for years when I was 300 pounds and a 24 fits and even my pants for work are a 24 and here I am wearing in womans size (not mens like my work pants) a size 22!! I put my reg. clothes back on and walked all the way half through the store and got a size 20 in the same color and pattern. I tried on the size 20 and it fit!!! It was perfect!! I was like omg! I got bold and even tried on a 1x in the top and it was a match made in heaven!!! I said I can’t believe this! I never understood why some people ask me why do I wear baggy clothes? To me they were not baggy, but my size 
I looked in the mirror and couldn’t believe it…now I understand when I tell people Im a size 24 they can’t believe it. I was a 24 for sure, but coming from 300 helped. I still see a size 24 girl not a 20. I know my outfit will shock my managers and co workers. I even went to walmart after all for fake ear rings aka 3 dollars. I got a few more 43 cent cans of cat food and milk and cereal.
I feel so good!!
If I can be 240 something I should be a size 18 Im so close if I stop eating too much and try harder.
Now new problem…..my feet. My feet are huge to the point I buy mens size 10 for work shoes even a coworker asked where I get it from….me thinking wow for once someone likes my shoes!! She said no its just that they are huge…huge yes, but offer me support my flat ,large feet need I thought. I need to find some good flats for my outfit and will put my shoe inserts in those. Pay less tomorrow…here I come!
Im still shocked how a size 20 just slip right on me so well. and a 1 x shirt in my dreams! Hard to believe, but I saw it with my own eyes.
Earlier today my boss’s assistant needed to come through, but where I was standing in the small spot I was blocking her. She said Ebony can you move your taking up the whole space (in a friendly tone) you need to stand over there. Of course the two girls in my age range were looking at each other bent over laughing. The assistant didn’t understand why and asked whats so funny? Without her meaning no harm or knowing she did in their eyes she just called me fat and Im taking up too much space. I just said ok and hurried off and thought that someday:
1) I will be smaller then those giggling size 4 and 6
2) I will be so small you will want me to eat when really you wish you were me
3) Some day…someday I will have the thin body of a runway model!
I was so embarrassed by all that I didn’t go near that area in fear I would be standing in the wrong spot and one of the three male crushes I have will hear it and … 😦
Tomorrow another diet day to eat less another day to try.
Just hope I can find some shoes for my feet for women.
I Have To Be Skinny 