Posts Tagged ‘normal’

Is it because I’m black and fat that……

May 12, 2015

I never forgot about four years ago having my first roommate a African guy.. a guy (big mistake, but you learn. He admitted to me that he thought I would be one of those very religious black girls who could also sing. Made me think recently of a old show where you stand in a room as strangers judge you based on your race,size, clothes,height,gender,ect. I’m curious how people really see me sometimes, but some don’t want to hurt feelings and become PC. Which is fine and expected, but if given permission I want the truth! Fat or thin I understand I can’t escape stereotypes that don’t apply to me.

If I had the body like the above would you think I was greatly deep in church and took over a solo and sing it up like ms. Franklin? To big mama, Norbit, and Madea,Nutty professor of black men cross dressing acting loud,ugly,praise the lord Jesus,asexual, of the ideal black woman many seem to enjoy seeing….those of us who are fat and black get these things tagged on us before anyone gets to know us/me. Even family guy show cases black women as fat and dumb in short mini clips.

Only recently are we seeing shows such as scandal with Kerry. A beautiful, successful black woman who is having a sinful affair with the president. I never saw one show, but Kerry is not fat and is in the media. Then how to get away with murder..saw a few shows and stopped. No offense 1 gay sex scene was ok, then 2….then 3, and Im thinking when will a black woman the main star of this show get to have some fun? So I stopped. She is a middle aged, average size black woman with a lot going on. She is not obese and thats all that matters. Then that Empire show. Never saw it due to hearing about the colorism in it. Cookie is not fat based on the ads. Its a start and a breath of fresh air away from the pine sol or bigger type ladies who make everyone around them appear better in looks.

I also feel when smaller you get a better choice of friends. All sizes get their fair share of bad friends, but I feel I attract the total opposite. Some things we all share such as a better life. I ignored one for a week hoping nicely she simply go away. I got text messages and I responded (I felt kinda bad) and back to knowing someone who says as a good word and is a woman too. Everyone knows I’m against such words. I was called a N…ga in the heat of her happiness as she saw me working with the computer saying in the nutshell that I’m smart….I’m thinking do we have to use the N word :/

I can’t wait to return to my state next year…and leave some behind making them fade away in a past memory. Sadly yes they want to move with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meaning pack up everything and join me in another state even though we won’t live together. I pictured my self all thin, in a two piece swim suit, playing and being all sexy like in the sand, my cute and very faithful yet hot husband comes near with our kids and this fantasy is ruined by girlfriends coming out of nowhere saying look at my n…ga!

Im slow….because I don’t like to react fast. When someone upsets me I don’t like to tell people off asap…I know what going on. My nice trait kicks in first and if it continues…days later and then it all builds up then I get angry which either have me calling 911 or reporting you to the manager. I don’ believe in fighting really and I was thought of as slow by the same two making plans to move to my state with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup lets follow the slow one to a whole new state, the one who didn’t have any kids out of wedlock without a ring or at least not with someone very broke…yup Im the slow one.

I also still attract white girls who want to be my friend…who are fat to super fat, very rare skinny. They call their men ni…gas (yes black men), who struggle and tell me all their woes of their men problems. From his drinking, to he don’t want to work, and how he does this and that, but hey he has a big D (even without warning still get shown the D from their phones or hinted about).

I’m like if I was a skinny black girl would I attract this? I mean like would I at least have a choice like thin girls get in the dating market? You know normal friends with cute flaws or oh no so and so over spent again, but at the end of the day things are cool?

My fantasy friends are any race, no N words, its ok if shes fat or thin,but just a decent person. No one is perfect and even I have flaws. It was so nice when I was doing great in the weight loss world….omg.

I started attracting girls who were normal. White girls who exercised and were concerned of their image to the plus size white girl who wanted to lose weight as she claims for her health yet randomly mentioned wanting a boyfriend. To the thin black girl who invited me to her outing with other co-workers, she had the cutest, edgy afro, dressed always edgy rock clothes and was pretty popular, to slowly getting more invites to places I never thought of. Then there was another black girl who was like a size 2 talked to me. My weight loss was opening doors people.

Now fat me just gets invited to fast foods, cheap restaurants on the rare, school tours as a support to who ever I’m going with…………zzzzzzz.

As of now weight loss is a every day battle. I’ve been doing good lately and sadly by now if I stayed on track I would of reached goal by now. Slowly its coming off, but I have to hurry time is ticking!