Shes In denial….(Post goes with the last one) Extreme reading….

She always have a habit of turning things around to me. Blaming me. Deep down I’m so angry that if they end up arresting her I no longer care. It’s almost tempting to find the court house where shes going to go against her, but it’s for the best I stay my distance…forever. Why shes going to court?

 

She met her kind. Tall, dark skin dude. Like some men they wait to tell you some extra news after you get attached to them. Together though they found out he got some woman pregnant….she stayed. He was staying over at his ex place because he had no place…she stayed. Then he told her one day after seeing that he has her…oh by the way I’m a pimp. I never met him thankfully (never wanted to meet any of the guys she dated) I thought she was joking. I didn’t know pimps still existed in this era. In the 70s you hear of pimps, but now…no. She ended up staying…when I thought she left him. I find out later they were on and off. She had a nice job as a manager of a retail store, degreed, life was simple for her besides the pimp. She was one of those rare managers who were close to all her employees. One of her employees was a white girl who never told the truth about anything. She even made up her mom died…forgets ….next min her mom is dead again months later to skip out of work.

I guess she got too comfortable with her employees….even loaned money to one and I known her for years and couldn’t get a dime when I needed money. Two of her other employees also white and I guess she told all her stuff about her man because they were looking for a sugar daddy, so they can get breasts jobs and other stuff. Skipping some details…..they met with her and were put off by his offer to sleep with the product before helping….and likely told the girl who loves to lie what happened.

Promotion time and the girl who lies assumed she got the position since she saw them as co-buddies. She picked the person who had the skills for the job. I knew her and she never help me get a job in there saying I lacked fashion and blah blah  to even work as their stock person. Some friend. Mean while other managers hired their friends with no skills what so ever,

The girl who lies went to management…and lied and claim that she tried to force her to be a hooker! Ever since then for about 3 years not only was she arrested, but still fighting this. In a way it is her fault for even bringing up her on and off boyfriend to the two aspiring sugar babies…who then shared their experience to a co-worker who used it against their manager…her.

I had promised that I would speak for her in court. I felt, so bad for her. I mean why date a man like that. Soon as you heard what he do try to ease out the relationship and safely. Her family can’t make it to court due to family actives. I would of been the only one there to speak for her. Ignoring all the insults she said to me. I blame myself for giving her a 3rd chance. Thinking time would make a person change, but it didn’t.

Today’s a new day…it’s 3:38am right now.  Three  days ago I went outside for my ubereats delivery…yes a deep chocolate brownie with marshmallows. Something I didn’t need. I rushed out with my sweater covering my hair…takes forever to fix natural hair just right, black sweat pants and a large red shirt. I forgot to bring my phone, so I can buzz myself back in.

My mind was on sweets. I thought I deserve it. Every bite of it. The man was in a white old car, large and heavy like me with glasses. He handed me my treat from his window. When I turned around the sliding doors shut…and I was locked out.

 

All of a sudden a stranger approached me….said my name in a soft , but careful matter….

I was like was this a former co-worker who happens to live here!?

I was happy because they likely had the card to allow us back in our apartments.

Walked out of the shadows was a plus size, very round faced…….it was her at 10:09pm. I was shocked and full of anger. I told her to get away from me! She said can we talk?? I said no!  She said ok…and drove off. She no longer the skinny black girl…I mean I didn’t know it was her at first.  We been through this so many times……….I’m sorry…..next min BITCH….I’m really sorry…..well you say things too!!! ….I’m sorry…gets old and I blame myself for giving her another chance!!! I blocked her number days ago.

 

I finally checked my e-mail and she had wrote this:

Since you aren’t answering my texts I guess I can just talk to myself maybe you’ll read it…. I had a horrible day yesterday and today too accidentally gave away $40 my ankles were severely swollen my skin flared very bad also had some not so good news about court case. Anyways I know you are mad but you said you’d speak for me at trial I was just wondering if you’d still do that if so I have an affidavit from my lawyer if you can fill it out if not I understand. I didn’t mean to upset you and I guess that’s s bad trait of mine not thinking before I speak being depressed is horrible but I’m going to doctor tomorrow hopefully I get meds to help. I hope you know that i really think of you as a best friend you’re a good person to talk to at times I think I just say the wrong things if I hurt you I hope you know I’m very sorry.

 

Notice the above e-mail. “So I have AN affidavit from my lawyer” MEANING LIKE BEFORE IT’S JUST ME WHO WOULD BE SPEAKING. Not anyone else or her so called friends who likely say they are her friends,but won’t even show up for court…which makes me feel she views them as friends, but deep down they are not feeling the same and won’t say it. Also notice she admits she was wrong….does this a lot.

 

 

So I go ahead and send her a final e-mail. I met well, but she took it very wrong:

 

 

Before any of this happened you still were this way. I kept ignoring and ignoring…would say not to say those things, but you did so anyway. I don’t understand you and really don’t want to. I mean if your calling me names…ok…,but to bring some ones parent in it was crossing the line. When you get mad which takes only a few seconds…there is zero build up just instantly mad. I have textes where you get mad then say sorry I misread what you said…just instantly. And when you do get mad you use the most extreme words like I tried to kill someone in your family. I hate this had to happen and I just can’t anymore. I really valued our friendship, but maybe your just better off with the other people you know. Maybe you hold things in with them and let everything loose with me. I don’t know, but were just not a good match. I was fair and wanted a strangers opinion. I don’t delete text messages ….just a chore to do so. I had a stranger see how things build up. You do go too far. Everyone is different, but I can’t take that anymore. I’m happy I now have a dad and like before I care less how he looks …… To randomly call me a ho, and to get the fuck off your line. All three of my old phones have very old textes of you telling me off. I never talked about how your mom looks….I careless. Never thought to judge her…odd of me. I never told you to suck a dick and never called you a ho. Anything I have said was in defense….and I’m not that type of person. I like to walk away from things rather then be aggressive and go back and forth. I met bad people in Florida, but my friends never told me to suck a dick out of instant rage. The only people I feel comfortable with who can meet my family reminds me of me! Sadly I lost all my Floridian friends being in this state, but all three I know would know what to talk about with my family and what NOT to talk about, I wouldn’t have to worry about being degraded about in front of my family by a so called best friend.Â
Also you could of faked being on your best behavior…you know after I got back in touch with you the first two weeks were great…then you got comfortable…least fake it for this whole court stuff. THEN call me a ho, and tell me to suck a dick, and how my daddy got a big fat ass belly after.
I don’t want you to change who you are at the end. It’s kinda like a bad relationship. A guy can treat women like crap for years, but it’s that one woman he meets he decides to change for.
I may be like those women and your better off with someone else.
Fatty watty….so I called you chubby.
Go suck a dick…so I said kiss my ass.
None of this is normal. Real friends just don’t make their best friend uncomfortable.Â
I just wanted you to be happy. Predo would be just for fun. I thought if I could influence you just to go out with a guy (You have experience with dating and being in relationships….meaning if single you will long what you had….normal).
I never dated anyone! Well one guy kinda and I stopped the whole date. I felt he may rob my purse. I don’t long what I never had. Not just you many women out here in the lone state are single and told me they wish they had a relationship. They long what they had. The women who are in relationships a good relationship…are happier, more positive and love coming home to a man everyday. I wasn’t being mean and I seen some good looking Mexican guys (just don’t like how they as a group practice the whole bilingual only hiring) Just wanted you to be happy and you took it as a insult and a way to bash me through text. Without love, life is empty and a very lonely place. Even just for fun …thought it be healthy for you to go out then with just women only.
I already feel ugly enough and my existence alone is still shocking. I don’t need anymore help in putting me down. Ho and I never got to sleep with ONE person, but ok…
I understand you come from the typical Christian background, but AGAIN not as a insult. Maybe seek real help…real help. Nothing wrong with getting help. What makes you get so angry within seconds? What makes you say the most extreme things over petty to nothing? I learned a lot about myself in this state and I embrace I have adhd and sometimes I do have depression. I admit that. That’s why I’m seeking help this month and the next for it.
When you had the bag of chips just hanging out your purse and snapped at me, soooo badly. I remember walking way to cry. I remember wiping my tears fast so you wouldn’t see it. I was hungry and didn’t eat that whole day. I was like let me go next door for a bite to eat…you as usual too controlling NO….saw the chips and it was NO. Next minute months later your telling me how your brother ate at your place with his girlfriend FIRST then ya’ll went out…so cool for your brother to eat first and out. I asked you about that and somehow you changed the subject.
I distanced myself over something …have to look at old phone number 3 for why.
Then one night on the phone (you claim not to remember, but I do). You randomly say I confuse you. One minute I’m pro black and next I want to be a white girl. I had to distance then because after I hung up I cried myself to sleep because black kids bullied me for not acting in a negative way like them to prove my blackness.
What ever is going on mentally (again not as a insult, but as a real concern) I hope you get better someday. And if you do have kids just remember don’t be so quick to anger. Try to think it through first. Tell the person I don’t like that and say why. Learn to cherish the friends you do have and it’s ok to joke, tease whatever, but remember to have a limit. If you don’t people will make excuses why they can’t meet up with you. A past classmate has a son, a husband and came out of nowhere asking when I’m coming back so we can talk and hang out. Be that person people feel comfortable around, that you can joke with. Angry…take a deep breath and reflect.
 —————————————————————————-
After I sent that I thought was I wrong? Should I have not written anything back? And like my usual self…………..I’ll be honest…..did I over react? Was I right to be upset with her? She makes me feel like it was me who is wrong. Was I? When I ask people they say wow she sounds crazy stay far away…………are they saying that because they feel they have to agree with me? The most honest person I know said I need to stay away her mouth sounds real dirty. I’m just so….lost….
—————————————————————————–
After I sent that e-mail. 12am something she sent this e-mail……….
(My name) you need to stop putting words in my mouth.  I wasn’t referring to your dad as being fat! It was a rhyme about you and it was just that a rhyme to match yours. I don’t know if you dad is fat or skinny so how could I say that. And as far as you being a Ho I know you haven’t slept with anyone once again it was a rhyme! So you say you’re done why are you emailing me? I get it you don’t want to be friends have I called you today? No last night was my last time trying. I say things to you in confidence and you use against me! Like I told you I didn’t like the bum looking Pedro but yet you still tell me to go out with him I asked you to stop! And you tell me I have mental issues that’s not a compliment!! You do that to me all the time constantly telling me what I am. Why do you think you can say whatever to people and it be ok??
(Shes lying…………she got a pic I had sent her of my father. If I never sent it she wouldn’t have anything to say….when she first got it she said wow he’s so black………..noticed the above email…she don’t know how he looks now, and who use ho as a everyday word….I feel something has always been mentally off…or something else? I got the texts of her saying wow he’s so black)  And she makes it as if I say whatever………….notice her first e-mail…like other texts she says sorry and how she don’t know why shes like this…now it’s my fault.

Then she sends another e-mail:

 

You said we’re not friends anymore ok great so this it. I’m really wish you the best but no more ok do not contact me I’m going through so much I don’t not need added stress please! My real true friends got my back please just go away.

 

 

I’m thinking….um…what or where true friends? I was the first person in her life on Earth to give her a bday gift. None of these so called friends ever did. I stopped when she got mad at me and said I gave her a cheap ass gift….I mean I was brokish.

If she goes to jail there will be no one to call her family, if not she will likely get probation and community service and a record. She claims if she gets a record it can be removed I forgot how.

I will not ever go back never ever neeeever.

I was suppose to type of something else, but feeling kinda better now. Just a toxic friendship that should of never started to began with.

 

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