Ending a so called friendship again…., having a dad, going back to my old self, mental and weight loss.

Shocking Conversation


I mentioned this friend in older posts….same friend calling me white for liking other music (even though I like some black artists as well). She became controlling over me, wanted to know where I was almost every hour, and get upset if I want to text. I love to text and low on the phone calls. I had to end the friendship for the 2nd time.  She would be normal until a waitress/waiter was there to take our order, or if the cashier was talking to me about what I owe…she would randomly say…shut up, shut, shut up…fast over and over of shut up being very rude to me. She wanted me to go with her to her state to visit her family…see she felt comfortable letting me visit her family, but I never felt the same with her. Nor did I ever go with her to her family….the idea of having to demand on her to ride back to this state from another …no. The long ride and back of her dirty mouth was too much to consider.

When I let her go I did cry. It was hard. I mean we use to joke, and even though she treated me  kind of badly in public I did miss her.  It was bittersweet. I loved not having her call me or text me asking what I’m doing every hour even 11pm at night…like sheesh, but I didn’t mind sharing.

Her: Wyd?

Me: Watching tv

Her: What are your watching?

Me: My 600 pound life

Her: Can you call?

Me: Well I want to watch this….

Her: Fine!

When she called and I didn’t answer she would get upset.

I let her go………..I got tired of crying sometimes over the things she said racially. Like my dna says I am black. No music can change that. I  got tired of her getting angry and telling me to suck a dick instantly if she got mad….just got tired of the semi mental abuse she was doing and then BLAME me for any negative behavior she showed. Then after it was always a heart felt sorry she would do that was actually…touching.


I then ended it. Each month passed I was proud of myself for ignoring her calls, I knew she was calling from other numbers on the rare. I was the greatest friend she ever had. Even though she knew others longer I was her favorite (her words). Six months passed and something in me wanted to give her a another chance. I felt a rare lonely. I know others, but …people I know..I understand my limit with everyone or I at least learn it.

I called…….the first ring she answered. She sounded shock and happy at the same time. Told me how I hurt her by ignoring her for so long. And how all her friends have a man in their lives and too busy for her…in the back of my mind I thought maybe you ran them away also…I mean they can’t give a day where you guys just hang out…hmm???

We caught up, we laughed, she said sorry again, I told her why I had to move on.,..she said wow I was that mean?

I remember lying to her just to hang up so I can eat. She patrolled my food like a hawk. If I want a bad food item…the urge is too strong to hear someone tell me know who just had pizza and a coke.

After 2 weeks the honey moon was over…………2 weeks ……..over.  She was back to her old self. Besides no longer being skinny and dealing with legal problems thanks to her ex…her fault too  in some ways. She is now chubby. How the mighty fall. She use to be one of those black girls who want to gain weight to be thick….and when they do gain…lol they end up trying to lose it!!! Weight gain doesn’t mean it will go to your butt and chest. There was a Hispanic man who has been after her. I told her she should give him a chance (He’s Mexican ….) and she took it as a insult. He works, clean record, and sounds like a gentleman. I told her sadly that would be the best man you ever had (sadly not in her race too). I told her yes he’s Mexican, but just go out for fun. She then got mad and told me to go out with him…I said I would if he met me first and took a interest why not? I  mean in this state black men care less if she’s Mexican he’ll be chasing these women (Only the very light brown to pale skinned ones). I telling her to give the Mexican guy a go was too much of a insult and she told me to suck a dick and called me a ho. I was left nearly speechless and told her to kiss my ass!!! Which resulted in a text match of insults to the point it was I who stopped and ignored her for that day.

She then would miss read my texts and assumed I tried to insult her….only to re-read and say Oh sorry I miss read it. She wanted me on the phone all the time for hours. I told her this is not me….I don’t like being on the phone long…makes me feel trapped where I can’t do other things. I have to focus on what your saying. I also like to enjoy my surroundings and don’t want to be suck on the phone on the way to work nor after. I then found myself taking pictures of my whereabouts. Picture of me with my mouth wide open in the dentist chair, picture of me in the bathroom washing my hands…it was like she didn’t believe what I said I was doing, so I should be on the phone with her :/

I missed my freedom and people do change …but everyday we have these high and lows. Everyday I was now being told to suck a dick….next minute I’m sorry. I’m a ho…next min …I’m sorry…..we been only in touch for two months and the final straw…was when she made a joke about my father……….



Like mentioned before in older posts. I use to day dream as a young teen having a dad, a happy mother in  a loving relationship. All the things we would of done together. How I may be different if I was a two parent home that was full of love. Only last month I found out four years ago my father (Who I called by his first name). Has been looking for me…likely guilt finally set in. Since I don’t have a facebook like that he could never find me. Same with my mom since she removed her account some years ago. Part me wants this, but another part don’t. I don’t want someone now ready to give me rules and what not…who has never been there and um…I’m a adult? Part of me wants to just not try this because I’m too nervous….too nervous about this meeting in July. They (mom, him , and his friend) would visit me this month, but I’m too fat and a recent family visit confirmed that and I’m too ashamed. His friend sent me a picture of him. He is dark skin (follow?), also he has a small gut, but slim all over. If he lost maybe ten pounds he would be perfect, but I don’t care ……hell if a grass hopper said he was my daddy I would care less how he looked like.


I was happy deep down to have a photo. I shared it with the girl who told me to suck a dick when pissed. The first thing out her mouth was wow he’s very black…mind you shes med. tone and likes dark men which will result in her having dark kids maybe in the future….so I was taken aback, but ignored that. Others saw his photo and said I must take after my mom.  Anyway by now things were calm between us. I made the mistake of telling her my very minor sister likes to call me fat through text pretty much almost daily Sometimes funny other times annoying. As of two days ago she stopped…..but…

So since she this so called friend know (after I told her) my minor sister (not even a teen yet) called me fatty watty……..every day more then my little sister she started texting me fatty watty, but the final straw was these exact texts……….


Her: Fatty watty

(I’m at bus station look down at texts)

Me: Chucky frumpy, church lovin plump flunkie.

Her: lol

Her:  Fatty watty don’t know her daddy got a big ass belly that shakes like jelly!

Me: mmm (thinking…why did you bring any one related to me in this like that?), weird …ok. You need to give pedro a go… (His real name)

Her: You need to give any man a go! Ho

Me: Cancel the 16th …rather ride the 3 buses to dentist.

Her: ummm don’t think I’m going to beg to drive you lol!

Me: Ok no hard feelings. Just not into stress….I’ll take the 6 buses total that day then have a ride who tried to upset me. Thanks anyway.

Her: ok cool

Her: You can say stuff about me, but when it’s on you…..you can’t handle it.

Her: Telling me to give pedro a go well you can give someone a go too.

Her: I’m really tired of walking on pins with you do this time I’m serious…I’m blocking you for good.

Me:  You text me randomly fatty watty……my sister is a minor….but ok whatever. I text something back due to that. THEN YOU BRING UP MY FATHER IM LIKE DANG….never talk about how your folks look. So I say maybe you should give Pedro a go….not as a insult, but honestly your kinda nicer when you have a relationship. Then you call me a ho….girl bye.

Her: Get the fuck off my line seriously leave me alone


Then I went ahead and blocked her….this all happened yesterday and my phone only tells when if she called, but blocks it. She called 5 times so far.

And I used girl bye….for the first time in my life. I had to get to her reality tv loving level.

Fatty watty is done with chucky flunky and her nasty wasty trap of a mouth. This 3rd time was fool on me. We bare done. I told my now long distance friend to pleaseeee remind me not to go back. Ever.

We been in touch only 2 months and everyday she begged for us to go out….glad I refused. I remember how she loved to upset me in public. Claimed she changed, but nothing changed …only time did.


Last night. It was a full moon out…I know this because I took the trash out late. I took a shower and laid down. Waiting to ease off to sleep. I felt like crying, but didn’t want to. I laid there thinking of food and how bad I wanted to eat it real bad. It’s like a sick war a very sick twisted war where you want to be thin………but…the urge to eat is a powerful. I been studying more on legal drugs and over the counter meds…I believe theres a way to shut things off at least temp where the desire to eat can vanish….more on that next time…4 hours to sleep for a 16 hour work shirt tomorrow. Tues or wed. I should be back.







2 Responses to “Ending a so called friendship again…., having a dad, going back to my old self, mental and weight loss.”

  1. aki xx Says:

    I only recently came across your blog, but it’s amazing how much I can relate to it, as you have me by 10 years or so older. 🙂 seems you were gone for a while but I’m glad you still write. You’re feelings are great to read through and it’s almost like “wow she gets it”. 💕 Much love, and keep your standards up there! You deserve a lot 😌

  2. ebonnie Says:

    Thank you so much 🙂

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