You don’t need a man….I think/say, yes I do :/ , How come you don’t have a man you need a man….I don’t just want anyone who may make my life worse,.

Not sure why African women are obsessed about me having ANY man. I wish I lied and said I had a boyfriend who rides the bus (would explain why he never comes to pick me up) or works a grave yard shift. I feel very annoyed because I know how I want to be treated and what I want. The Nigerian nurse is coaching the Nigerian aide on what to say to me to get with me….aka lies. People think ok he is black from another country, so he is innocent…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I learned this real quick from my ex roommate a Ethiopian in broken English telling me were both adults and I’m I a lesbian because I wasn’t interested in a guy who never thought of asking me out instead would begged me to have sex with him and still has been begging three years later. Also who I had to kick out when I was going through my lonely wish a guy was around spells.  Or the look on African women’s faces when I tell them of the countless African men driving cabs asking me on my way home at night how much I charge?? Or in my former state Haitian cab drivers asking me how much I charge. If wearing scrubs, a tired face, a little limp walk, is super sexy….shrugs.

The few black Americans tell me wait on God, or that I don’t need to rush with any guy and how its not worth it (as a single parent with kids). I rather hear this. I get teased by a couple of Nigerian women about how there going to their men tonight, and how good it feels, and how if she needs something her man will buy it……….yet your working 6 days a week and trying to get more over time for the past 4 months and now….hmmm.

The Nigerian guy who claims to love me. I asked him why…I mean I been ignoring him for months. I made it clear I want a family man. He comes off as lil Wayne look alike (red flag). He said he knew another girl and needs me to make a threesome happen….a month later after making it clear I don’t do that. Last week said he loves me…hours later did I think of that threesome yet? Him mentioning dinner dates, holding hands and marriage was due to being coached on what to say to me. I was impressed by lil wayne look alike until I caught the coaching in action. Lil wayne and being a decent guy doesn’t happen.

Then I share my feelings about how I wish I had a good guy in my life. I get from a so called friend that she laughs at the idea………..when her adult children pay rent which helps her in a long run. Yet has shared we all get lonely. Having woman company is sometimes too much when you desire a man’s company (who is not out to use you of course) Here where we are the men try to use you for sex and $$$ and not going to happen.

She said whats holding you back?

I say…I’m fat. The good guys wanting decent girls are not looking at at me. My serious rolls, and large flabby arms just don’t seem to attract them like the guys who want to make me their official hooker.

They see a fat girl aka me.

1) I must be easy

2) I must want a guy who has nothing to offer me except sex (not a relationship we could cherish)

3) I won’t be picky since I shouldn’t be due to my size. So its perfectly normal to tell me you love me and want a threesome.

4) Just because I’m fat you offering me a mc donald date won’t cut it.

Other fat girls laugh me and call me crazy…yet they are single with kids. Or have a guy who you only hear of their sex fest but,nothing….just normal. Thin low self esteem girls who don’t know their thin worth can get the same guys as fat girls. A high self esteem fat girl still gets losers. A thin co-worker is looking for another job, her man drove her car and wrecked it, and now she’s single again.

I refuse to settle. I just can’t. Reason why I never had a boyfriend before. Last week I just started lying about yea I had a boyfriend before. If I say I never had one it causes a bunch of unhappy women enjoying talking, gossiping about me for days like they do now about me finding a boyfriend. Even saying I should give so and so a chance who wants a threesome.

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BREAK

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