So he’s interested….but I won’t be second choice.

To be honest many women are second choice, 10th choice or what ever random number you can think of, BUT its not right in their face most of the time.

At work I been feeling it. I get the I’m some ideal girlfriend and it hurts to care of a resident around my age, cute as hell, and the type I would of gotten with ONLY admits to like me because they happen to be very disabled. Before they became so disabled I know I would not even be considered. Telling me you love me, think of me every night….means nothing to me. It amazes me when at their lowest I then become worthy since their ideal is likely somewhere having a good time with a guy I deserve.  And in my life time some years apart of each other had a total of three brain damaged guys interested in me.

-Forget I long for a relationship to the point I think maybe it’s not real anyway.

-That if a guy treats me right I promise I would never let him down.

-To experience life together both good and bad.

I could go on and on……….but it means nothing because I’m fat. And fat comes last in everything.

Even fat guys look at tight ,flat tummy thin girls before they see a fat girl.

One some years ago was a Native American/white, Jet black hair, blue eyes, and suffered some damage due to a motorcycle accident which ruined his speech, had to let go of driving anything and said he suffered some brain damage. He wanted me really badly. He shared his life and how after his life was ruined his girlfriend left him for some other guy who abuses her. He worked with stock numbers in New York, he shared his past career and how he made sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much money and had all these things. All I could think of was where was he when life was full of fun, wealth, and romance? Was he looking for a fat girl then? Now he works for a small chain taco place as a cashier, making 7 something a hour, and gets a disability check. If I known him back then I would of stuck by his side….but not interested in someone who would never see me in a sea of thin, high heeled women around them (or more likely when they go searching for one).

I been at this job for four months now. One co-worker is a Nigerian guy and I admit he is cute, funny, and trying to improve his life through education. There is another co-worker who I like as well is a short, flirty, black girl. She is over weight, but not obese….like me.

There was something between them….but she’s a flirt meaning her interest in him didn’t last, but she said they were friends. Like me shes a bus rider. As I waited 30 minutes at 10pm for the next bus (since I missed it thanks to the residents) and on weekends taking a long limping 40 minute walk to a locale train station he would give her rides right on past me to drop her off at the same station, even waiting for her to finish before going. I would catch them talking, meeting each other ect.

She made it clear she has no interest. She has kids and later I learned so does he. Me zero.

Since she’s not interested and now he tried to make small moves with me. I brush off as a joke. Sucks for him, but after seeing the flirts, passion, rides,…..I want my own guy. Not going to be second choice.

He even agreed with me about saying a woman can stay home and he works, and how he wants love aka sex, and company and all these other things. I thought wow….

I then asked him about recently him going on a exotic trip and taking a lady office worker with him on this sunny romantic trip HE IS PAYING FOR. This lady looks like a size 8 or 10. He offered her randomly sometime last week.

Over weight girl got: Rides, sweet sayings.

Office worker of average size who doesn’t know he finds her a possible partner: Paid trip vacation and yes she was happy. He makes the same wage as me so this is coming out his savings.

Obese girl aka me: Gets speech about what he wants in a woman and seems I’m last choice as in he could be desperate and more so for his kids to have a mother figure as well.

No rides or random vacation offer.

As he leaves for the future vacation in hopes of love and comes back with a broken dream.

I won’t be there as plan C.

………………………………

Attractive young woman ( Acting ) as someone in pain or sad. - stock photo

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2 Responses to “So he’s interested….but I won’t be second choice.”

  1. jessica Says:

    you are such a good writer and make I can relate to you so much. i just wanted to let you know I enjoy reading what you have to say very much

  2. ebonnie Says:

    Thank you 🙂

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