Obesity struggles and now I have a job.

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I always said people should give over weight to very over weight people a chance at a job. Don’t see the fat and experience and not want to hire us.  If most of the workers are of average to slim weight it increases those who are bigger to try a little harder or at least not give up at the weight loss game. I was 300 pounds when I started working at the high retailer chain store and became 249 because the job required a lot of me physically. When new it took me nearly a hour to walk to work. Once I got to work and going up three flights of stairs very early in the morning, I had to sit down and catch my breath. I learned to do this in secret since the other workers coming in would think its funny sometimes. I mean I was breather harder then the average size smokers that worked there too. Once I got over my shock of being hired…I mean go to any high dollar store most the workers are thin or average size, very few are plus size. I came from a job as a sitter where it was normal for me to eat 5-7 candy bars a day and three cans of fruit punch and get excited about lunch time. Most the co-workers were very fat as well, and the thin ones were not dolled up. Before that I worked at walmart and most the customers tend to look tacky (very few decent looking folks) and the workers…well lets just say I didn’t have to envy much at all on my shift.

I remember having fear going up ladders…you know breaking them, I slowly go up and slowly came down feeling my heart race from having to walk up and down. My manager at the time told me to pick up the pace, he also always said I believe in you, you can do it, and don’t let me down. I tried harder for him. I never had a manager say that to me. It was either your good or your not the end. Every day at work I would work hard, break sweat unpacking and lifting boxes, I was ripping plastic, I was given two departments and would be going back and forth. After my shift I would limp slowly back home in hot weather, in terrible rain, and decent weather. I had my crushes,but learned like always for years to ignore them. At 300 pounds fear would come across the men’s faces if I said good morning to them…it was like I had asked them out.

The more weight I loss, and the more encouragement I got from my manager. I went beyond two departments and was now doing four on my own decision! I would get so much thank yous from managers who needed help. The guys at work saw me. I wasn’t as invisible. It seemed the more weight I loss the more freebies from the food court I got as well.

And it all started with a assistant manager who gave me a go and a manager’s faith in me.  Plus my environment was pro fashion and everyone cared about their looks. Most the employee’s look like runway models or catalog models.

By showing a obese person to the door and throwing away their resume……you cost tax payers. Look at me no job that requires movement to no job at all and now I am HUGE. I can become bed bound and then collect a check to live my days indoors. It would require me losing my apt, my cats, everything and living on my families sofa in another state for a year or two until I win my case that I can’t work…..but who wants to live that way?

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It went well. I just have to get a new copy of my ssn. Orientation always goes well. Requires very little walking, sitting, and long outdated videos. Its at a nursing home, 2pm to 10pm. Its not a huge place, but holds many. The location is decent and easy to get to Mon-Sun. At one point we had to get up and take a mini tour of the place. We all stood up leaving the comforts of our seat. Everyone walked out first (didn’t want them to see me ease up slowly…I can’t jump up or quickly depart from any chair)

All of a sudden as I was walking with my group I stayed behind everyone. I felt a sharp shooting pain on my left ankle on the left side of it. I was stuck. I was in total shock. I thought they can’t see this! I will lose the job before starting my first day! I can’t afford that…really I can’t I was stuck as my group started to leave me behind without noticing that I wasn’t moving. I forced a step (lucky me the nurse near me was too busy laughing with another co-worker). I forced another step and stopped. Each step hurt so badly.

I thought to myself ok….like a race horse having its last race before retirement I have to give it my all. Pain and all.

I took another step….another…..another…each step was …..words can’t explain the pain, then all of a sudden the pain was gone!

After that I left. Glad that it was all over. I walked a 15min walk…breathing hard, to walmart (I blend right in) and bought maybe 17 bananas, great value aka walmart brand greek plain yogurt, almond milk (30 cal) , lemons, and decided tomorrow I’m creating me a greek/almond milk/banana smoothie to sip on through out the day, and lemon water in between. Just for a few days. I also got some cheap Vitamin D pills to help with bones. 

I have to get skinny in order o last at a job. And this type of work has humans. I can’t really sneak sit somewhere to rest my feet for a few minutes, or log on a computer for 20 minutes pretending to be doing something work related when I’m wasting time reading the companies sales, and goals (they blocked all other sites from us).

Just think if say Mrs. Jones needs assistance to the bathroom. I help her up and transfer her to her chair…….I wheel her only a few seconds to the bathroom. Long story short she uses the bathroom and is now back in her wheel chair and wants to join the others outside her room in a game of bingo….problem is I can’t push her because I’m stuck due to great pain. How will I explain to her?

Will I have to ease down to the floor and crawl to the call light for the both of us? Then lose my job and creep Mr’s Jones out that I was just walking not long ago?

To be honest I feel deep down I shouldn’t work right now….but I don’t want to lose everything because of my weight.

And If I don’t work…..then I’m home eating my life away= getting bigger.

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The Random thoughts I had today:

1) By being fat I prevented myself from having the family I always wanted…meaning in some twisted fate I will never meet the kid/kids I would of had if I was never big. I will be with someone else who I would of never been with since I know I would of been married by now in my early 20’s.

2) Muffins look so good…

3) Smacks sound good right about now.

4) I wonder if that physical therapist liked me during orientation he was looking at me the most, but maybe because I was the biggest one in the class.

5) I want a scooter.

6) This sun is so hot today!

7) Wish I had her body.

7) Oooooh a brums right near my work place!

8) Muffins with ice cream

9) I can’t be fat forever

10) If I had a baby I would buy this little toy

11) Mental images of me cooking, cleaning and married and happy.

12) Hope I do well at this new job it seems good.

 

 

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