Same day a Saturday: I failed carrot juice fast.

I failed sometime between 4pm and 5pm. I woke up oddly early at 8am, fell back to sleep. I did this over and over until I felt fully rested around 3pm. I took a sip of the carrot drink………..it tasted like a carrot. 😦  I sip and sat back down wasting my day away. Sat. is never the day to apply for jobs nor will tomorrow. Jobless and need a job to prevent being homeless. The sadness seems to never end and on top of it I have to drag my massive body in hopes that managers and HR staff members over look my size and see me and my experience.

 

I felt kinda hungry..sip more carrot juice….few minutes later felt like a real meal. Took a another sip. I watched some tv showing a normal family. Two parents, two kids at the dinner table with mash potatoes, side of roast beef, veggies….thats not what the show was about, but my focus noticed every detail. Even the shiny buttered rolls, the random salad bowl most tv families seem to own. Like most tv families no one seems to want seconds….next min I was eating the last beef steak with heavy sweet bbq, and mash potatoes feeling like the biggest failure ever. 

 

Then I began scooping crunchy peanut butter in my both savoring every darn bite. 

 

Then DING my three or four serving oatmeal was ready from the microwave….yes I bought a microwave my first own microwave about three months ago and lived without one for almost four years.

In my oatmeal I added butter…a country person said they do this and I thought the idea was odd…but omg it makes oatmeal worth while. I added the raisins I been eying when I was sipping on carrots, and spoons of peanut butter.

 

Im not working , so I stay inside and sleep long. My body isn’t getting any true exercise.  And in my area I hate going out, hate passing people who sometimes expect a hi from me or some guy who has zero to offer whats my time.

 

I have to try harder due to my size just for a low paying job. I will fax resumes, e-mail them, do call backs,only to get a interview and never get a call back…repeat.

Degrees are highly important when large. Like if theres a shortage and the job requires a degree you won’t have to compete with several thousands of uneducated workers who at the end its passed on size if you share the same experience or even more then them.

 

Expression: 😦

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