Going to drink only carrot juice for rapid weight loss- 316.8 the biggest I ever weighed in history.

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Today is Saturday. April 5th 2014.

Again today is Saturday. Saturday a popular day for thin women to be called to hang out with their  best guy friends who deep down hope so -so breaks up so they can be with her. Saturday a perfect day to put on their best clothes and go either window shopping or actual shopping as men glace and run home to log on Craig list miss connections in hopes their fantasy thin woman sees their ad saying they saw her at (enter mall name here) and they thought she looks hot/sexy(enter popular term here)/attractive and hope she sees this ad too. Even better its a Saturday maybe some guy offered her a date to small, but popular restaurant. Or her and a group of skinny friends with average to fat size women head out as a group at night for drinks (she never has to pay for hers). Saturday has always been a magical day for thin women. Mean while thousands of miles away is me. Another Saturday single, no calls and when I would give out my number it was all about sex. Sex to the point the word sex almost makes me want to vomit. Sex for thin women could mean shes sleeping with her future husband, for me it would be another notch in his book that she slept with a another huge woman for sexual relief.

 

Yesterday I ate:

1) Five chocolate chip cookies from subway

2) Foot long tuna sub from subway

3) Two refills of strawberry fanta…from subway…they would never call me as their spokes person.

4) six raw cookie dough

5) Two and a half fried beef steaks and unknown amounts of mash potatoes

6) One sausage, egg,and cheese mc griddle with hash brown from mc donalds

When full I still want more. I couldn’t cram another bite of mash potatoes. I feel a little room now…but today is carrot juice hell.

 

My mom wants to see me, but I can’t afford to buy two seats on a plane. Let alone one seat right now. I want to date and move on to wedding bells someday. I want my own family….not just my cats. I want to dress like the thin girls and claim oh I just threw these things on knowing full well…

 

The above pics is the 100 percent carrot juice I have now including the calorie amount. I do own yourself fitness and will aim to do at least 15 min a day. 30 min and up is not ideal because I have to be sure I can keep this promise to myself. How long? Maybe a day, maybe two…just hope to do a day at least. Water and boring herbal teas such as white tea,black tea, green tea, and some other herbal bitter tasting teas I bought over time thinking I would do a herbal cleanse.

Its 2:49am now and I want to eat so badly its unreal.

 

If curious why I picked the carrot juice? I bought the mango one as well….and I love mangos and yup drank the whole thing within ten minutes…so yes add that to the list of things I had yesterday. Carrot juice I can’t see myself drinking it down in several gulps then looking around stupid like whats next to eat/drink.

 

 

 

Confession about two weeks ago I called 911 because i’m fat: Heres what happened.

 

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It was 2am-3am in the morning and I was cleaning my small studio apartment. Vacuuming, wiping down the walls of fur from my wonderful shedding cats. Sitting down to take mini breaks. As I was cleaning I started feeling down. Thinking about how I been laid off, had to quit the next job due to work abuse. I thought of the high and very low..and many low times in my life and how I’m getting bigger and bigger. Then my right fore arm felt….then I felt some light chest pains. I panicked that this was it. I could be dying and don’t even know it! I debated and thought don’t call, but what if I die and could of prevented this? My mind was all over the place, but wasn’t ready to die.

I called 911. In fear of I maybe having a heart attack or something with the heart. I wore my natural hair, brushed out, some moisturize. I didn’t worry about make up, I put on my fat girl’s church skirt : Goes down almost to the ankles, burgundy in color, elastic in the waist,no form. I put on some random grey shirt with some logo or team logo I never been a part of. I put on some flip flaps.

I waited outside not wanting them to come in my apt with some huge stretcher and I didn’t want everyone waking up to see the fat girl get assisted out her apt.

I expected middle age men with guts and thick comb-able mustaches and Texan accents to boot. So I didn’t care how I looked all I cared about was getting my heart check and preventing death.

I waited outside the air very cold. And a large flashing bright fire truck pulled up. I was thinking ok then…maybe this is something new since fires don’t happen every day maybe they are using the fire department to help out too. What came before me was a kind, middle age, almost comb-able mustache man with grey hair and his co-worker with a slight gut. I felt comfortable around them. All of a sudden a ambulance pulled up. I thought to myself….wow talk about fast services and plenty of staff.

What walked up was a GQ model …I thought great. My memory went back when I was in my apt looking in the mirror thinking oh well. I saw my reflection and what Mr. GQ is seeing as he walked up near the firemen.

Jet black hair, alert looking no red tired eyes, in uniform,swimmer build in his 20’s, pale skin with ice blue eyes and this perfect concern look on his face for me. I felt like a fat Shrek, a monster with hidden lust. Then came his buddy in the same uniform swimmer build yet slightly average build, but not fat nowhere, black guy also in his 20’s and equally too good to be true. He look like the guy next door…again I thought omg I didn’t expect two looking men , my age range of all things, and really good looking none were butter faces either.

They told me to go in their ambulance…were it was nice and bright inside to see all of me in its glory. The firemen gone, me, laying inside with unmade toe nails, and my corn appeared to shine, the acne on my face likely vibrate under the lights.

I felt like a retired mule amongst two pure bred prize stallions. Words can’t explain how awful I felt.

This took me back about the size six girl with vomit all around her and wearing only her nightly clothes. when the young firemen came for her he saw a beautiful woman and asked for her number and still keeps in touch. P.s shes already taken.

Me a fresh smelling, holy girl looking blob got none of that at the end…

Anyway back on topic.

I was honest about my weight and fears, I told them I was about 60 pounds smaller until I got laid off. I was honest.

The black guy said he needs to put my ekg on (chest area)  deep down I wanted to tell him its ok he touches me all day long and his friend. I live a nun lifestyle and this was the most excitement I got in a long time. The other times is enjoying male eye candy from a distance (They fear fat girls who take a interest).

Long story short.

I was in tears looking out the tiny window seeing the dark of the night. The black guy admit he was glad to know where we were headed with this…about me needing to lose weight. The white or Latin (whatever he was) I could tell he was looking at me (thanks to side vision), but was too shy to look at any of them. The black guy continued his health speech with his co-worker sometimes nodding in agreement. It was like a soap opera, only we lacked the soft playing of the piano.  I then said I would do better and the next time they see me I will look better….

The black guy said its NOT about looks(play the drama tune here)…..(I then thought sure….) and his co-buddy agreed , mainly listening. He said its about health…lets forget all the thin women who die of things people think only fat people get.

After they took my information and asked did I want to go to the hospital still? I said no since on the ekg my heart was in great shape.

The info was obvious to bill me, not for my number or to hang out with them. If I was slimmer and called due to some other organ failure that made me howl like a wolf and flap my arms I would of been a possible dream date for them.

I left from the truck into the very cold night. My pointless large stretch size long skirt blew  little in the wind. I pushed my code in and waddled into the sliding doors. Took out my keys and entered.  My cats looking at me waiting for me to lay down so they can take their positions to sleep. Before telling them lets go to sleep (they know it means bed time).

Before cutting out the lights I took one last look in the mirror and it was torture. I cut the lights out and went into a deep sleep wanting to forget the whole ordeal. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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