Never allow anyone to tell you weight loss is easy, and I care less if they USE to be fat too. I been though hell…..and some heaven.



I see thin women who smoke, some exercise hours…and hours, some workout early in the morning and then after work too, some eat very little or a lot in low calorie foods…veggies anyone?

Weight loss is not easy! I see men and women in scooters appearing over 400 pounds brave enough to be in the mall and at the food court ordering food…when many are staring and judging. I see them and think wow I would be afraid to go out since people can be rude and some people are crazy enough to think their hurtful words of fat shaming is going to have these people eating less then what they are use to!

I have no right to judge a person bigger then me, or feel hey if I did it so can they! And how do I not know that they lost some weight already for their family and health? Food is beyond good, the flavors, textures, and its legal. You can eat any amount when stressed, nervous, worried, sad, ect.

I rather be a friend to one then be one of those former fat folks who now feel since I was fat its ok for me to tell them how to lose weight and make it known they are heavy (trust me I know, they know we all know, even a blind overweight person know if their fat).

If they ask for my advice thats fine…but won’t bring it back up making them regret ever asking.

If they say they have back pain and what can work for them NOW, that doesn’t open doors for me to bring up weight loss which can take months to a year or so.

When I was 300 pounds I recall (in a old post) that a girl who was 300 something if not nearing 400. I tried to bring up weight loss because I liked her as a person and wanted a weight loss buddy deep down. She shut me off. Likely heard it all and didn’t want to hear it at work either.


Weight loss is not easy….

How Im losing weight…honestly as of now. Raw truth.


I had a stress work related binge three days ago… baked potato and a half, with lots of lettuce, and vinegar dressing, and my beloved cheese and sour cream. My stomach was so tight I couldn’t eat the other half…..the less you eat over some days the fuller you get a little sooner…plus I was sipping diet Arizona green tea in between large mouthfuls.

I laid down on my stomach and felt my body wanting to release. I could of ignored it and I don’t purge daily it seems more of once or twice a month. The scale crossed my mind and how amazing I feel to have my pants feel looser, to feel a little lighter on my feet compared to 300 pound me. To the kitchen I went with garbage disposal!  Then after some time off to the shower and no longer did I feel greatly full, but more of as if I had a normal size meal.

Yes the stairs…..I do more stair climbing going to up trains, at work anyway…no choice of three flights to work, but when I do have a choice I try to walk up the stairs. Doesn’t matter how slow I go, or I have to catch my breath by the second flight. It gets better since now I lose my breath at the 3rd flight. Do I enjoy stairs….no. I feel ok its toning up my legs, and giving me a random slight calorie burning boost. Its not fun, its not something I look forward to. And yes their are times I skip, but mostly I walk up. I remember last year how I go up the stairs to catch the train. Catching my breath after half way up….hearing my train come and leave 😦  as I stood their huffing and puffing. People more small in size went right pass me and rush aboard the train. When I got up their all I could do was sit there and make a phone call to pass the time.

Yes walking and please don’t think this is the main answer to our weight loss prayers! I still don’t have a car years later. Walking as made sure I never had high blood pressure like some my weight at the time or thinner. I have people who known me for walking, total strangers would tell me girl you don’t play you get around by foot! I would walk a easy 3 hours a day to get things done…..but was still 300 pounds! Any weight loss magazine that had lose weight by walking I never bought. Problem was I would eat several servings of rocky road ice cream, and guess what? Eat a whole cherry pie with it and thats not counting the other things I ate through out the day such as tacos, burgers, two bowls of cereal and candy. I had someone say they didn’t understand how could I be 300 pounds and walk everywhere? Its like asking a super skinny person how could they be so thin and don’t exercise. One eats way beyond what my body could burn, the other eats way below to assure their current weight to maintain. I walk a hour a day 30 to work, 30 going home to 40. I remember last year limping after work, having to sit somewhere under a tree from the sun to catch my breath after work. On days off it can be walking of 2-3 hours and no I don’t do speed walking. I try to going to work, but thats it! I walk slow to med. And yes the elderly who took up walking as a form of health can still out do me lol.

Thats right pills! Now I have been drinking my Arizona diet green tea two-four cups a day….because it taste good and its guilt free. I don’t drink diet cokes too much these days and more of full calorie mountain dew….yes really. I took zantrex 3 on and off last year and the year before that…does it work? Yes! Do I still take it? NO. It works, but now I feel diet pills are junkie meds. Its like getting a genetic of something you have to go to the doctor for. Zantrex 3 gave me a pound weight loss a day. It made me feel like the idea of food….not a good idea. Its high and caffine is the secret too. Black cups of coffee again….cups of coffee should give you the same results, but cheaper. Caffine is good and safe for weight loss…in low amounts. Now I go to a doctor for um…what hollywood folks like to try? It has cut my desire for food….for like four hours lol top. I won’t share what it is, but my doctor told me today its only a short term effect. I plan on staying on it anyway since it has help my energy levels I use to tire easy. Pills are my best friend, but I don’t take them on days off,and have skip out on them for a week or so. Its not a everyday thing. The right med can help anyone, but its effects are not long term. Long term means taking higher amounts and for myself Im against that. Reason why I won’t allow my body to get use to anything, so the same dose will or my guess always work.

Yes the mind is where we make all choices. People who decide to give, kill, change religions, day dream of cake, dare to say I love you, ….everything starts in the mind. Anything you do even if it required a few minutes or seconds of thought starts in the mind. I STILL have to do self talk. Like Ebony you can do go up the stairs it won’t be bad once its over, or no if you eat that …you know how salty it is and its not really your favorite save your calories for that candy bar you really want instead. Or look at that skinny lady who is in her 40’s she looks amazing don’t you want to be like that? Its best to self talk where only you can hear YOUR voice. Its more powerful then saying in your head its like the mind don’t take it as serious. Its like whatever were going to eat ten of those today! The mind is where desire, dislike, love and hate begins.


Based on the above I would never act as if weight loss is more of buying pricey black grapes (yup 8 dollars a bag…I put them babies back yesterday!) then having a slice of cheese cake. Its better for you and me to have that cheese cake…..when I place myself on a strict diet of say diet foods only…thats when I fail. Why not have 1000 calories worth of mountain dew, donuts, veggie burgers (I love those over beef!) then to say have veggies, and mmm thats it? Its ok that I eat just veggies if I want a five pound weight loss asap, but I know its all about calories at the end.

Many say calories are not the same and you will lose weight maybe eating 1200 of veggies and lean meat then my way of fiber one bars, ice cream, and cake, and soda. I don’t know if thats true or not, but I am losing just fine my way. Some days I may go the health nut way , but most days there is a brownie in front of me with ice cream and chocolate syrup worth 500 something in calories with my name on it. I then have two veggie burgers both worth 300 each…thank goodness for 45 calorie bread lol.

Weight loss is a serious struggle, its not easy.

If they got books for skinny people on how to lose that last five pounds, no one can expect me or you to find it simple to lose that last hundred!

Never allow a former fat person who has forgotten TRULY how much they had to put into it to lose weight. I mean they claim they recall….but uh uh not 100 percent.





Tips that worked for me yesterday to ignore odd stomach sounds and desire for food.

1) Sit ups….yes it took me 80 sit ups to kill it. Strange, but it happen by mistake. I just said ok let me do some sit ups with my app. The more I did the more my stomach stop :/ this was around 10pm

2) Self talk early that morning lol.


Also how …is it that I am eating these foods?

Forgot to mention I eat my food between 10am-11am. Then I no longer eat…it allows my body a head start and pretty much like fasting in a way.

Sometimes I eat twice, but never late say pass 5pm.

Also a known fact if you eat for example 700 calories a day…then out of nowhere eat 2000 calories…you will be smaller the next day!



Random thought: With my weight loss, at work some guys no longer feel ashamed to flirt with me (even married) openly now. 300 pound me got no love. It was more of a embarrassment then anything to even joke flirt with me. No matter how the guy may look himself. Its unreal. Im still fat, but not as big as before, but still fat.

My thighs still rub, I still wear plus size clothes, and I still got back rolls…trust me still fat. With clothes on I look better.

In a old blog post from last year. I recall my dream on a guy I use to have a crush on. Its still kinda there, but if he had a serious interest and asked me out…..I sadly have to say no. The 300 pound me would of scream murder if it knew I would do that! I never forgot my dream where we were sitting, but not facing each other. I think we were at a park or somewhere it was clean, beautiful, and a whitish aura strange yes.

In my dream I said to him you had a chance with me, but you know in the future its too late. I recall him saying I know as he looked down kinda.

This the same guy who when I was still kinda new was like whooo whoo when he thought I was talking about coming back to Texas for him. After I finished ignoring his whoo whoo’s he then laughed and got what I met. I won’t travel to another state for any guy! A guy recently wanted me to move to Canada for him…um no.  I heard of men moving for thin girls…proof Im not thin yet!

Now my former crush tells me he saw me such and such place and wanted to go up to me, but rethought it.

300 pound me….nowhere cared where I was.

Co-worker even joked saying oh you stalking her!

Guys flirt, before it was just jokes of how I was lazy  (lol what ever), but now their flirts, jokes, and what ever else.

I got a wedding book (free) and just know I have to stay focused.


This may sound crazy to most, but besides my not so grand life, stress, feeling hopeless about life in general and where I am going as I get older. Being black I felt it didn’t matter if I was thin or fat. Just didn’t matter. I killed those thoughts and know it does matter if I want to get ahead in life, wear the best things, and land the guy of my dreams…it matters a lot.

I think back to my 300 pound teen self. How I see women who looked like a stray cat in the face, but from the neck down had model bodies get the cute guys. It hurt, sucked, and everything else in between.


Weight loss is hard, you have to have a passion of yourself to do whatever it takes, you have to be mentally ready. And former fat folks need to quit saying (yes this one is  true) that oh my mom on her death bed last words were she wanted to lose weight, but it took a group of teens mooing at me to make me drop the weight….this mess is what makes people think fat shaming is the answer when its not! You have been fat shamed since you were big!!!!! If fat shaming was the answer no fat people would exist.

You have to have a good reason to want to lose weight to fuel your desire. I would lie and say for my health when deep down if I had high blood pressure and was skinny I be happy! I had to be honest with myself saying yes its for guys to appear more appealing in this era which is thin. To be able to buy cute clothes, to go see the clearance rack and leave with 20 clothing items worth ten dollars because they have so much small clothes left and no large or xx large. To go anywhere in a upscale or middle class area and get attention, to feel special as the obese trends go higher knowing that I won’t be a part of it (no offense to anyone).

Now if your honest and its about your health then you will reach your goals someday even with many set backs, but be honest to yourself. ……its ok to lie sometimes. More so if you don’t want to hear the it should be for your health speech.


Im still me, goofy, wishful, someone save me type. Would of been the same as a 500 pound bed bound woman.

Nothings changed, but my size alone.

I have always been me. I always had desires for short shorts, and tops that showed off my shoulders. Now as I lose weight people will think wow shes changed…when all along no thats me. Just wasn’t going to be large in a outfit I feel would look hot on me if smaller.

At 300 I let it be known that is who I am, people laugh.

Nothings changed, but my size.

And I see clothes that show who I really am. Silly, child like, and can be sexy too at times. I already saw what I want to wear on the honey moon night, but my family loves to laugh and joke that I need a man first…true, but nothing wrong with ahead planning!

Never had a boyfriend, but the smaller I get the higher chance I have of having one that I have interest in!





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