Being a black girl….who is losing weight, went semi blonde, and dealing with other races including mines

(Takes deep breath)


I am still annoyed. My life………….is uplifting. Not because I went semi blonde either. It was a mistake. I got hair (extensions, weave, what ever you like to call it).  I grew up thinking ok Im black, my hair choice must be black, jet black more black then my natural hair.  I decided ok I braved a light dark brown reddish hair and it was a hit. Now mind you at my job I always wore black hair, jet black, some said it was nice and many said nothing. (in my opinion jet black hair looks amazing on paler people)


I was with a former co-worker and as always feel I need to hurry since who ever drives me there doesn’t want to wait on me. They end up getting something too! …long story short.  I opened the pack and my mouth dropped…BLONDE! It was dark and black and at the ends was this white blonde…I thought oh noooooo.

I seen blonde on black girls and most of the time it looks tacky due to wrong shade of blonde for their skin tone, or who ever put it in did a awful job! Too late money spent and I was stuck with it.

Once in i thought ok….ok…ok. No going back (On a budget)


I cut some blonde out, but was many was still in there.

I called the former co-worker to see if she could swing by and tell me what she thinks…she is so honest and blunt she has hurt feelings. I needed to know did I give off a ghetto hood girl vibe or do I look tacky? Well she got caught in a meeting and I was stuck.

I texted my friend who is asian (what better person to ask I thought…I admit)

I sent her a picture and she was blown away she thought I looked amazing! My mom and family were shocked I got it and thought it fit me, but I didn’t count family.

I went outside to walmart to test drive and try to practice walking with this hair with blonde at the ends.

I had a little black girl with her mom stop and say your hair is pretty! I told her that her hair is pretty too.  She didn’t understand how much I needed to hear that from her age group….the age group of blunt honesty. I never had a little girl say anything about my hair ever, so thats 100 plus points!



I was nervous.

Day one at work: I was treated a free meal by a lady in front of me in line, I like to joke with people even if I don’t know you….I have this unnatural friendly person about me. On this blog I share my thoughts and what not. In real life I wouldn’t mention anything I say here. Like if you have amazing outfit on…I will tell you, if not…then I will just greet you thinking in my mind I wouldn’t be caught dead in that. The blonde at the tips didn’t get me free lunch.

All the latin men from places I forgot exist besides Mexico and Cuba now nickname Shakria. The blonde singer Latin singer with the amazing body. Yes it had me loling, yes blushing…now if they called me Beyonce I would of halted it real fast! Its funny because everyday the Latino lady tells them no I do not look like  her over and over..and shes serious, but they ignore her and dance and call me Shakira all day.

All day people were stopping me and were impressed and ask who did it, and looks perfect on me. I couldn’t believe it. Even my former crush was shy around me….but all credit doesn’t go to blonde or any hair color. Mind you folks…..Im now a size 16 🙂  …well still kinda tight, but I cram myself well!!!! Just think my size 24 days were only last year.

A bed bound person forced down with weight no matter her race with just a air brush of blonde not going to have people impressed.  Women of any hair color look great when trimming down.


Out to the food court I go, in the back of my mind I think be careful don’t ruin results.

The worker at one counter I seen for a year, he is cute white dude, maybe 15 pounds over weight, but nice to all his customers ….long story short he allowed me a free desert!

I thought about what my friend said and I thought when its time to go dating….men love to take skinny women out to eat. They love the thin girl with a inner fat girl ways. Order like a person who is hungry, but stay thin like you belong on the run way (I agree makes zero sense)


So I been on cloud nine with my hair….

Then two days ago exactly. A latin girl who says she loves my hair ask me on the next day a little too loud with her perky happy voice was it sewn in? She threw me off with that one!

Why when I been wearing fake hair forever when it was jet black or a slight touch of brown/red no one had no questions! There are other black girls working there too, most where their real hair out, some fake hair which tends to be jet black.

I said in a uneasy taken aback voice ah yes?

She then goes oh they did a good job! Um no way for one minute did she believe thats my real hair…..


So same day aka two days ago. Being my nice self as always I tell a lot of people good morning. I tell this guy good morning who I pass daily, he stops me stands his med size beer drinking appearing gut in front of me and says your hair is tilted to the side (aka trying to see if its a wig or not!) I do a fake smile and tell him he is crazy………………..I walk away and when I return this Tuesday to work and IGNORE him and pass him and if he ask me why I till tell him to figure it out! Yes he has joked with me before like call me lazy ….which I am at times so ok I will take that. What he said there was taking things too far….I have some blonde (the hair is mainly black/brown) and it makes some in need to comment.



This one hits the fan and she is a black woman in her late 50’s. Deep down she is everything I never want to be, but do I say that to her? No.

I put up with her talks of me going to church, about the lord (funny many forget about the no judging part), how she is fine being single after 30 so years, and we only need Jesus not a man….I listen as I try to back away and work far…far away. I want a man, yes I been and still can be bitter about how Im treated based on size, but Jesus is not going to Marry me, give me kids, and live together and other things as well. Going to church is not going to give me free college credits nor does it pay your way into heaven. If God is everywhere then why do I need to go to a building?

The black girls who are natural (I go along with the word natural, any woman who wears just her real hair is using a blow dryer, shampoos, and all types of soft chemicals…not just water and air drying their hair)  even say my hair looks great! I don’t judge them, and they didn’t judge me.

Her hair is jet black…meaning she is using dye to hide the greys real well (Im all for that too)

I tell her hi! How are you? (my usual self of greeting) she says Im fine, but I see you changed your hair.   (again I wear fake hair daily at work and will make sure in my will to bury me in one as well)

Everyone knows I am nice…so I guess feel open and safe I won’t go all off on them. Or as they say put her/him in their place.

She then tells me I need to go natural!!!! My other self went (no she didn’t!) the real me (speechless….)

I told her that I went natural before and its pricey! She then goes no its not. As we went back in forth over my HEAD, whites and Latin women in true freedom of their culture walking by with hair dye, extensions, also brazilian blows, ect.  strutting pass us in sizes 6 and under and age ranging from 40’s-60 ‘s I kid you not.

Here I was with I love the lord, single, pro natural with her Edith Bunker hair style (but in jet black) telling me to be like her!

She then reaches out to touch my hair!!!! My first thought she is black and know better!

Now I had blacks and Latino women get curious about my hair I guess I tend to get the best work done they need to explore? Last place is whites. People say white women try and touch their hair, I had it happen maybe twice, but they ASKED FIRST. This pro natural lady didn’t even ask. Once I backed off like she had a gun she put her long arm down. She then goes she was trying to fix it and needs to be brushed. She was right as I felt it…BUT I had just came out the break room laying back in a soft plush chair, so duh. She then goes see….but once again I tell her my hair is just as worse and this hair (the fake part) is easier to care for as my real hair is safe braided under (which has it growing nicely! 🙂

In my 50’s no way Im going down like that! I want the girly , glam look, marry me tomorrow look/I make your friends wives jealous look…depending if single or not.

Not the Im another independent black woman look.

I was shocked a little blonde caused this debate, and I wouldn’t be surprized she is jealous and wants me sporting the Mrs. Bunker in black too.

She gave me a hug after seeing I wasn’t going for it. I didn’t return the hug, then she followed me out to invite me to some meeting her and two coworkers, and her church are having (the two coworkers she invited are natural minus the hair dye, but hair texture is not like mines)

I made up things to say in a nutshell no. She said Im making excuses not to go natural or go to some meeting. The meeting is about women and how we can care for ourselves. No way im I going so a bunch of women can go on about hair and look at me? NOPE.

I asked a sales lady is the back of my hair matted down? She said no. Meaning miss pro natural was just trying to make me look as plain as her in the future. Good for her, but I can embrace myself with make up, and fake hair any day….and worse like other black women have tried to get me to do was shave off all my REAL hair off no joke! I refuse to have a boyfriend in the future rub my head like a shining bowling ball….not my thing, but fine if other women want to go that way. She said her friend took her advice and looks great.

Even if I had cancer I would buy a wig.

I go on black women aimed blogs thats open to all races of course and they look up to other black women with these muscles that look great on men, the tennis players (the sisters) is not what I want, and other unnamed black women who have bodies of fighting knights not the princess and now this me go bald! What is the aim here?

Now I have seen in public or at work of non black women who are bald…BUT so far they are lesbians or have cancer, but so far even they don’t have the desire for serious muscles. Women do have muscles, but I think at some point it can go too far.Many body building women are single as well.

Just my opinion that women should be women. Its ok to have long or short hair, but bald…..zips mouth.


I have thought about going so called natural once my hair returns to a length I like temp. Having black texture hair the curls make our hair appear shorter. If we straighten it then you can see the true length.

And this hair color was a mistake and guess what? Was suppose to be my last time….well I got a lot of thumbs up even my managers! Thanks to Mrs. Edith Bunker I will have a new style in a month or two and guess what? Blonde is coming back at the tips!

And on Tuesday she as well will be ignored and will learn when to speak of such and such.

I find it interesting we can shut up about cross dressers in wigs and high heels, but me with a little blonde and Im black…


Being black….

1) In 2013 suppose to sport my hair only.

2) To uplift a race of men who never uplift us.

3) To never admit in public  if I see a very good looking non black (includes latin,white, Arab,asian) In my future blog with pics……I don’t care.

4) I am to only be Christian and must go to church every sunday or be looked down on.

5) To only believe racists are whites (when thats far from the truth, anyone can)

6) I am to desire to have the largest butt ever.

7) To be thick never aim to be globally beautiful aka slim.

I refuse to be the average black girl and thats what she doesn’t get. Thats not who I am.

The way I sound, the things I dream of, my desire to help victims of abuse thats who I am.

I have one life and will not live by the I am black rules.

I am silly, I have my dumb moments, Im nice, I make odd mistakes, yet been told thats white girl traits and Im different. So being myself is white girl traits?

I don’t carry the I am black passport daily nor do I feel since Im black I must follow the black unwritten laws.

I am American, woman, and black. What ever order I put it in at the end I am me. And no longer going to change a thing.

Once thin all of them and every stranger in the future once this blog is removed for life…with my new blog full of pics of me living my life how I want I know I will get a lot of hate, or people who want the same with questions. Not changing for anyone…..mmmm just my size for a guy lol.


After all that my only comfort yes was a chocolate cake, but thinking of seeing the toilet seat up knowing its from my guy!!! Waking up to cook and ask if he wants me to pack his lunch, to hear his worries and fears and good times, the list goes on and this is what helps me get back on track when failing.








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