I promise you its not the hair……its the weight loss.

Happy Easter by the way!

Right now I am sitting on the floor with my lap top on the carpet.

On my wall now hangs my new 7 dollar dry erase board with 820 calories today the time as of now is 1:55pm.

820 calories. My goal is 230 pounds real soon….230 I will feel like a model….for a moment until it hits me that hey Im still large.

I am craving a chocolate bar so bad right now! Guess the benefits of not having a car? It would take me a 20-30 minute walk to the corner store just for that candy! In the past I would walk at 11pm to seven 11 a 20-30 min walk as well just to buy glaze donuts, soda, and other random things just in case….its sad to think in this mini ghetto where people sell drugs at night, and some hooked on drug person taking a risk to buy drugs late at night…my drug was food and just like them my safety was put last. I am still addicted to food….trust me! A manager gave me a piece of her farewell cookie cake….a small piece (she was never my favorite and glad she is leaving).

Yes I did beg for it. All those thin women rushing in for a tiny piece as well. They took a bite or two, gave her a hug and was like omg were going to miss you! When they left a whole large cookie cake was still there!!! It looked like only one human came in for a slice and left. Not five thin women who came, sampled and left!

Once I took that bite….I got weak. I didn’t understand how they could handle all that sugar in one bite and not have a desire for more? I struggled, I thought in my mind ignore large and alone cookie…..by then I was alone. Alone with this drug of mines. I got weak and rushed on in the back…she had taken it.

I was proud of myself since she did use her HANDS to break me a piece. I ate only the part where her hands didn’t touch. The old me at the job I was fired from. In the cafeteria a obese food server, with large mole on face (not the beauty mark one), dark haired Mexican lady had no gloves on, used her bare hands to pick up my fries and placed it on my plate. I felt grossed out by that….but yet ate it then felt even worse after that I was served like a animal and ate at the speed of one too. So for me to not just eat the whole sample met a lot to me. It shows that I won’t take anything. Next step never taking food out of others hands unless its real I mean real close friend.

That cookie brought on a mini binge once home….but since I don’t have pies and ice creams to binge on Im ok.


My friend got caught up like me. Our hair. Being the former morbidly obese girl and her the former obese girl. (Yes a difference) The next highest step for me would be super morbidly obese.

My friend is now considered overweight. Yes fat to others, but a huge congrats to her 🙂

Anyway she was like maybe its my hair?

Instantly my mind went back a couple of years ago and then even more way back how we would be upset, and think others were stupid like a former obese christian lady said God sent her a ideal man….um why didn’t he send this ideal man when you were obese why now with a bay watch body?

Or women thinking its how cool they are even though they curse like a man. I have countless stories and the best ones are when the super thin get fat and are shocked their guy wants to leave them ….not her oh so perfect traits of laughter, how she ignores him, or outgoing ways ect. is not going to keep him.

And now almost 6 years later of knowing each other, hours spent at the gym, ignoring her favorites at times or having her favorites, but not a second amount or no special sauce topping. Tells me maybe its her hair?

I was blown away! If it was the hair we would of had some one a long time ago!!!

We always had our hair done, at times we went so called natural on the rare. She always dressed nicely. Just because I am now wearing hair with a slight brown to it, I won’t blame it on the increase of attention! I mean I have done this style before!!!!

I never wear fake nails, but its like I become a size 4 and guys are asking me out left and right. Will I sit there and blame it on the nails I decided to get once a size 4? Its like a woman going blonde and is obese, but loses weight and goes red hair and can she blame the red hair on better treatment? When the blonde lady who is a size 6 been having attention all along?

The little things women do is for us. It makes us feel pretty. I mean like I said before I thought I saw a gay male couple until they got closer it was just a skinny woman wearing mens clothes with cap, no nails, make up ect. with a cute guy. If she was fat and dressed like that ….???

My hair and makeup was all I really had. I had the plus size looking good days too, but with clothes being added…..its like all of me is coming together. Once 200 pounds I desire a 150 dollar shopping spree. Sounds small, but enough for maybe two outfits and a necklace.


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