Weight going back down: And why I never believed in the Ah ha moment that triggers a person to lose weight

Yesterday I ate 1779 calories and today will be a 1300ish calorie day.

Today I am 263.6 pounds. I don’t believe too much in water weight, for example a person who water fasts for 40 days and lose 100 pounds was never 100 pounds worth of water. I do believe based on the many visits to the bathroom I had a good amount of water. Honestly I saw 270 in Florida….yes not joking on the stress binges. Today Im 263.6 and eating the amount of calories I am eating. It has to be some water weight. Like I said I will be 250 something in only 5 days or less. This is day two of back on track. I will be 250 again very soon as well. I came from binging, so my calories are pretty high then it was before my Florida trip…..going to take a small moment to get back to 500 or 300 calories a day to the point I felt in the future I could water fast without fail. When Tuesday hit I won’t be so large I can no longer fit my size 18’s.

Before I left to Florida, a coworker I don’t even work with since were located on different floors. He knows I exist, I had a small crush on him last year until I came to terms it would never happen (when we use to work on the same floors), he gave special attention and Texan Southern admiration for the thin girls…even though I was right behind the giggling skinnies. I got zero attention. Before leaving he said hi to me when I being my invisible self unless needed. I turned around and didn’t see anyone , looked to my left and right…I was so confused that I walked away. He had a customer (a male) and he did say hi Miss…..I was looking for a Miss. At 250 I am obese, my morbidly obese title is gone. At 200 I believe I will be overweight. I remember last year maybe three months into my job. Struggling with my weight as always. I got down to 280 and was told by my co-worker a older black lady not to lose too much.  Go to body gallery and put my height at 5’10 and 280…..yes I was shocked she even said that. I mean I need to lose as much as possible! My race of people had me fooled that I was fine, not fat, or not that bad off or just lose 30 pounds and tone up aka muscle girl look?

My upper arms hangs with gross flesh, my thighs are so huge. Not skinny girl thinking huge, but actual huge! My ex roommate, made me so mad. We were wrestling for fun like we did sometimes. He would start it even if I didn’t want to and I went along with it. Kinda fun…tiring.

Somehow I fell or something where he could see that my thighs touched together. He then asked in his Ethiopian accent that when I get man how will he have sex from behind? Yes we didn’t talk for about a week and some days. People from other countries are known to be more blunt then Americans. Americans tend to think it more so then say it. Some do say it don’t get me wrong, but you have a higher chance from another culture fresh from their lands saying hey come here…..you come all across the street….to be told your fat…yup happened to me.

Before leaving Florida.

A few young co-workers (In their 20’s like me)

Saw me as I passed by , and said hey (Name here)

So your heading to Florida? (said the size 6 appearing co-worker)

I said yes I am!

She then said you going to buy you a bathing suit?

This is the one who didn’t talk to me in almost a year of me being there…..once I started losing weight her and her buddy started making small talk to me, and talking around me of personnel stuff!  There I was 250 pounds facing her, no longer the 300 pounder who limped home after work due to all my weight on my feet. Still large I can manage. I told her that I already have a bathing suit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok I did lie. I knew she knows I lost 50 pounds and she feels I am crazy enough to run out and buy a swim suit in my size or maybe she thought I felt since losing 50  pounds I don’t own a swim suit and now want to buy one?

Whatever she was thinking as I walked off her and her co working crew bust out laughing.

My only thoughts were someday I will be smaller then you.

Leaving my job that last day, I saw my crush that is slowly dying away inside me.

He saw my new hair color a deep brown, Im looking better in his eyes, we had small talk, but I saw it all over him that said you look good.

His lost and I won’t be going back ever. I never forgot way back then many months ago in 2012.

How he thought I was saying someday I will return to Texas to see him still working this low paying job (a popular joke)

I saw his face, I saw his what do you mean look? The fear in his eyes a girl like me willing to travel thousands a miles to see him….once I finished my sentence he laughed and calmed down. From then on he got me, no longer fears my large self wants to run away with him.

 

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WHY I NEVER BELIEVED IN THE AH HA MOMENTS

 

Anytime I read a weight loss story so and so say he lost weight because he wanted to be able to play with his grands. Or she lost weight after not being able to ride the rides with her kids. Everyone has that moment that something says enough is enough!

 

I recall my former ride once again making me hate her, wish she was gone, that I never met her, we didn’t talk and really still don’t.

I remember being in the break room for lunch only eating a bag of broccoli worth 120 calories and that was it the whole day. It was filling, the next day I recall a huge drop in my weight maybe 5-6 pounds? I have to look back…way back in this blog. After she made me angry I binged on mini pieces of chocolate candy the following day.

Did anger and feeling upset and powerless along with a bag of frozen microwave friendly broccoli ….was that my ah ha moment? I didn’t plan on just eating that bag of green that day at all.

Should I write to aol or a magazine about my story of my ah ha moment?

Where Im getting at is every plus size person had a ah ha moment! Sometimes almost everyday!

These success stories act like one thing triggered them to lose the weight forget not finding clothes large enough, joint pain, being out of breath like a smoker on three or so flights of stairs, been made fun of at some point or another, finding your soul mate only to see he/she is not interested in you at your size…the list goes on and on! Tons of ah ha moments to make a person want to drop the weight.

The only time I believe in the ah ha moment is due to fear….you must lose x amount of weight or you will day at such an such year.

Or a death of a loved one or break up can lead to weight loss, sometimes weight gain too.

Being a teen at 16 or 17 and seeing the sign 250 and under is allowed to ride the horse should of been my ah ha moment?

I believe something has to click. A strong emotion has to happen. Emotions start in the mind and so does what triggers a person to binge or undereat. Going to study this a little more. I bet theres a way to to cut off the strong want of food though emotions or something. Hope Im making since here!

 

Goes back to Lesile sansone walk at home dvd….on mile 2.

By Tuesday please let me be 250 again!

I can’t handle people seeing the old me again.

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