Work,The Binge, My weight, and why I never wanted to be the fat girl friend……

Today my weight is 254 and yes I am gratful….could of been much worse. My body is now comfortable in the 250’s. Before it would go right into the 60’s and ever so close to the 70’s.

This is why it appears thin people stay slim. Their bodies have a weight memory. They eat not much for so long compared to someone of larger size to even normal healthy sizes, that when they binge and go over board on the rare their body fights back to stay the same weight range its been for a good time or even a month or two. My sister always the size 9 for years and loves to eat to the point others thought its her genes even though we have some fat family members counting me! Today she is a size 11…..her body memory is not preparing for the new size and will stay a 11 for sometime. Also she would eat, eat,eat and have periods where she eats normal amounts as well.

 

Months ago my manager got fired, so after that his assistant had all the work thrown on her alone for a few months…she couldn’t handle it and recently quit. The new manager we had for three weeks lost his title and will be handed down to another. I binged because everything was going right at work even with all what was going on, but sadly the new manager came removed me to go here and there, allowed a former assistant manager who lost her title due to complaints such as favoring her own latino kind, singling others…..well she is nothing more then one of us. New manager let her be in charge so he could have a day off. She was awful and to me she was cool until she got her hands back on her power trip! I binged…binged…binged.  I went to old favorites at all four locations and guess what? I thought to myself I have been wasting my life on this gross salty food????? The chocolate cake lost its fun….I mean even pizza hut I had left over pizza!!! I even threw away some of my food when before I ate 100 percent.

After being on such a anti fast food plan, counting my calories and packing my lunch….I lost my taste for favorites. I was like ewwww. What made this all taste good before? My binge got me to 258. Next day and a half I am now at 254 pounds.

This is proof my body is ready for me to be in my 240s now. Its not being 260 and more. My taste buds are craving fruit right now as well. I already had veggie burgers, two raw dough cookies, and 40 cal bread (three slices only), ketup and mustard….yea I count it all.

So far that was 540 calories.

Watermelon from whole foods should make me at 600 and something.

The look on all my former food love locations, the looks on the workers face like yea shes back! On slow days they could always count on me to make a sale.

I still get wow you look like you lost weight from co-workers who been on paid time off and just seeing me after a week or so.

 

 

Todays the day….my plane trip. When I went last time I was 270ish or late 260ish. The ride going was kinda tight. The seats perfect for a woman in the 1960’s. I was so afraid they would put me off like others in the news. The shame you feel after paying to go on vacation only to be left behind. After eating piesssssssssssssssssssss, eating out, eating every 10 or so minutes…it was horrible. One family member gets up to eat everyone joins. It was like follow the leader. Only a week…yes I gained all the way up to 280ish. No joke. No one could believe it. The plane ride back was even tighter and the belt wouldn’t go on me. I didn’t want to ask a staff member for a larger belt in fear they would see my cramped wide hips and thighs and put me off stuck in Florida. I was lucky going….aka mom put her two slim kids to share a seat in between me and her. The trip back I was cramped in with a another large girl and she got up once she saw open free seats giving us both space to spread out.

I am lucky today since now 12 seats are open meaning this is not a popular flight. I know I will make it to Florida for sure.

I have my dvd’s packed, scale packed, may have to buy some weights in Florida to go with the dvd’s.

Got new shoes so I can jog at the park, my mp3 charger packed and fully charged.

My moms food and cakes are waiting for me, calories unknown. My goal is to eat once a day, and work out like I lost my mind! At most a plate and a half a day.

I will be back March 1, and I will…again I will be 240 something within 12 days or better 230!!!! *chants to self size 16*

Even got my 5k app too. Not playing games. I have a man who will want me, a wedding to dress for, kids to be had, and clothes to be shopped.

 

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WHY I NEVER WANTED TO BE THE FAT GIRL FRIEND

 

I want a boyfriend so bad sometimes I catch myself willing to settle for whatever. Having a relationship is unknown to me. Im pretty much like a teen who never got a boyfriend yet. She sees the hand holding, the butterfly feelings, everything, but the bad.  Some women can make it as the fat or plus size girl friend….but I know me and really I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I want a stable home, the fence, the dog or cat, the kids, the successful life of doing well in America the nirvana of dreams.

Let me give you example.

This guy I talked to online two years ago, sounded normal, decent, and understanding.He said he is faithful and never cheated.

He looked cute, but his large nose I mean not normal large, but large across the face type of large….so Im sorry I was already like um…no.

I then said well the inside matters more and being that I am judged based on size I should not judge him based on the size of his nose.

He saw pics of me, he was open to my size I was so impressed that a guy in my age group seemed normal and like me for my size no matter if I was large or small…I was sold!

I looked at him in his pics like a man looks at a butter face thin woman from the neck down.

I then discovered why he was open to my size:

1) At the age of 22 told me he will never leave his moms apartment ever and who ever he meets have to either move in with them or get a apartment on the same grounds. His mom was in good health, but he can’t see beyond her.

2) Not afraid to drive, but will never do so.

3) Doesn’t like going out that includes dining, movies, ect.

4) He got a job working at the apartment he lives at with mom cleaning the grounds. He got the job he said because the people noticed he would never leave to go any where.

5) Any form of license or education will not be happening.

The above is the type of guys that run to fat women because thin women are less likely to take that type of guy.A lonely woman such as myself is perfect! He then told me the only reason he found out his ex cheated on him (yea I was shocked he had a ex) was because she told him….if she didn’t he would never of found out!

I mean she could go to the near by gas station and cheat and he wouldn’t know.

Some plus size women do get lucky…but very few in the men department.  Any plus size woman who cheats on her man is a death sentence of single for many more years.

 

Lets say I was crazy enough to get with him? We get married, I live with him, get to know my mother in law real well…daily.

He goes outside to clean, I am doing my medical stuff.

Then I lose weight. I mean I get to a burning hot size 4!

Guys are really flocking to me. Guys who want to go outside, drive, and have a life outside their moms, and a decent career.

Whats going to happen? I am going to leave!!!!

DiVoRcE!

He settled for me because he lacked outside skills and having any form of fun, it was all on me to do the shopping, take any child I have to the doctor ect because he won’t drive. I settled for him because the average decent guy didn’t want me for dating or marriage nothing, but now they do. I would feel bitter, but still would leave.

Not all former fat people leave relationships, they mainly do if they know they can do better. Some do leave being selfish and had a decent person. Some don’t leave at all.

For me I am so outta there. I know when I was thinner the type of guys that took interest. I know what I can get.

I want a relationship, but its best I wait. I am open to dating, but really….I should wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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