What weight loss has taught me: woke up today at 5am with 254.0, time now is 11:02pm and Im 254.4 pounds

 

1) People love to joke about this even madtv did a skit with a woman in a fat suit who seemed clueless on weight loss. Most would say eat less move more…..true that works and I am eating less and my moving is the same a hour and a half total of walking that includes walking to work and walking home. Not even counting the walking I do 6 and a half hours of the shift or the stair climbing. Weight loss is just not moving more and eating less its a mental battle. Today I felt weak in the mind to just eat as I please! If weight loss was easy and humans didn’t have a way of coping with things such as drugs, drinking, FOOD, we would all be thin to average weight. The mind controls your will, and everything else! What weight loss taught me is its never easy and its not simple in saying move more and eat less……I mean today I am 254…why not 253 or 252 yet? Things like this can make a person throw in the towel!

2) I can say this as a fact all overweight to obese people have tried a diet before many of times. Doesn’t matter if they become pro self loving plus size men and women or still trying like myself, ALL have been on a diet. Yet people see me who don’t know me and just see a fat person. Not a person who lost nearly 50 pounds from being 300, not a person who now don’t even eat free samples, not a person who now on her days off forces herself outside to go up and down stairs at a train station, nor do they hear my own thoughts of encouragement from myself saying you can do it, keep walking ….ect. all they see is a fat person a fat stranger, not the stress and the sad past that got me to this size years later.

 

3) You have to develop new habits! After work I would stay up tired and dragging in only to eat, pizza’s, other foods in large portions. I knew long ago it was because I was just tired. I have to catch myself at work too and fight the urge for sugar snacks. Now when I get home I get out of my uniform and lay in bed. I may stay up for a hour or two looking at free apps on my phone or the latest news, but then I nod off out of nowhere! Doing this has stopped me from snacking. When I wake up the desires are gone.  I still eat sugar of course, but going over a large calorie amount of sugar alone is a no no for me. It was only two years ago I would eat a whole cherry pie with chocolate ice cream…brings a smile on my face because it is really…..really good! A slice I couldn’t handle, the whole pie had to do. So sleep is my new habit. I would stay up and go to bed with no nap with only 5  hours of sleep left before work.

 

4) Another thing I learned is the mirror can fool a person. Even at 300 pounds I thought well I’m not that bad off. Now that Im 254 pounds I have to catch myself and remind myself that if I can’t fit in at least a size 8 I am far from thin! With clothes on I feel slim, don’t look bad until I get home and change and its all right there. Flabby, large amounts of fat. My thighs are the worse!

 

5) I hate the idea, but weight lifting will be a must for me to stop extreme sagging of the skin. I believe if I start lifting say sometime in March my body will tone up and then I can reduce the lifting….my aim is model not body builder or anything related to it.  They say its a myth women can beef up…A HUGE LIE. I worked with women who weight lift, and take no harmful pills and got arms like pop eyes :O

6) By not lying to myself it kinda helps. Yes I want to be able to run or jog longer then say 10 seconds, yes I love the idea that my heart doesn’t have to work so hard, and don’t get me started on the relief my feet will get at the end since Im flat footed and ankles go inward! And I know my joints are thrilled that after all these years they will get a break, all that is wonderful, but when I said those things my weight stayed the same or increased. Being honest by saying I want to look hot, I want guys that I like …like me back, I want to wear clothes that speak of me, ect.

 

7) Me and my friend still joke that if all it took was confidence the average black woman would be on all magazines, would be in studies left and right about how great we appear, ect. confidence didn’t even get plus size Roise O Donald on cover girl like it did Ellen. Yes we have a plus size black cover girl…but thats another story of how blacks accepted that we should be the fat ones as the beauty ideal when everyone else is looking hot as hell and here we come…anyway back on topic. confidence helps, but it doesn’t promise you anything. I had confidence for a job interview that I didn’t get due to my size. In the real world outside of Barney’s play ground with or without confidence people see the outer you first then learn about you later…if interested.

 

8) Slip ups will happen. I slipped up for years and just now getting it. Will I slip up badly sure, will I gain…yes, will I give up..I shouldn’t. As humans were not perfect and mistakes sometimes make out to be great outcomes. I won’t always be strict and plus when I get to goal a weight gain of 3 pounds is fine since it will be gone within a week or two. *Smaller you are the harder it is I heard*

 

9) Weight loss does make your features look better at least for me. My nose looks cute, still loving the large eyes, and soon you see that being obese or morbidly obese or super obese sometimes can make you appear so different then what you were met to look like.

 

10) After the excitement is gone….then what? Yes work on staying that size, but really what do I have after this weight loss?  I remember last year early sometime weighing 270 something pounds and being thrilled! If I go back to 270 and then return to 255….there is no excitement for me. My life has been so focused on weight loss, how I have been let down and treated based on my weight that when I reach goal other then guys and school what will really take up the space of all that weight thinking, weight studying ect.?

 

11) I will have to eat like I use to, but not to the extreme. Its a known fact that if you eat way less and have some form of exercise (walking) your body slows down in the weight loss department. If you eat badly for one day your body should drop the weight the following day or two taking you out of a sluggish weight loss that may not be moving at all! I know this…but afraid once I give myself a pass I may not get back on track.  I read research that said I should eat a higher amount of calories even chips and cake lol. Just afraid my mind will get a little too excited. I will, but not like I use to. Maybe go to red lobster for their coconut shrimp dish which is beyond good! I promise!!

 

Tomorrow I hope to be 253 pounds. Back then I could eat all this fiber and go rushing to the bathroom like a mad man! Now I only peed today (sorry to be gross), but its not fair!!!! I know if I ate a large pizza and tons of fiber I can go, or just eat 2000 calories worth of fiber I can go, but I can’t when the calories are controlled .

 

I just want to wake up thin….thats all I want.

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