omg two cute guys flirted with me! Woke up at 5am at 253.8 pounds, and racial stuff, fair warning!

Right now the scale reads 254.4 pounds, so by tomorrow I will be 253.something again.

Such slow weight loss!

I am doing the right things yet the scale….

I had a rare burst of energy at work even though my thoughts were on …guess? Food. Hungry no, it was like when a guy has a fantasy of a girl running towards her with long flowing hair, for me it was eating brownie after brownie savoring each taste….

My pants feel real loose and I love the feeling of walking in them with such space. These same pants use to be tight on me a long time ago (the size 22), I fit well into a size 18…..I can’t help to smile that maybe just maybe I will slip on a size 16!

I am so thrilled right now I just came from a pedicure and I have the worst feet in history…my feet doesn’t require the cute sand brush…the other tool that saws off the dead skin. I won’t go into any other details, but its best I don’t ever get with a guy with a foot fetish.

Anyway the guy who was doing my feet was a silly, lively, cute asian guy in his late 20’s or early 30’s , but looked great even though he had tattoos on his arm…not a fan of them, but he looked cute…sad right?

Anyway him and his buddy after small talk and I notice he kinda looked at me. He said do I have boyfriend? I said no not yet I am working on it!

Even though he laughed I wasn’t joking. I mean I got these panties saved for my wedding night that says I do on them….Im real serious.

Any way they said asian men know how to treat women. I said really?

Again I am not politically  correct and based on percentages they are right. Nor do I hear asian men creating terrible songs against their own women. Or having babies leaving them in large numbers.

I had to volunteer at a HIV/AIDS center and they had factual studies that were common sense to me.

All races no matter what do awful things, all!

But yes were all humans and all that wonderful Mr. Roger talk, but each racial of human type or whatever tend to have a stronger lean to it.

Like black Americans are known for corn bread and collard greens for example compared to Latinos who have more Latin cultured foods.

Like we see more black guys in foot ball then white guys…is that a lie? No.

We see more white guys in golf then black guys…is that a lie? No.

But based on my time at the center it said the highest hiv/aids rate are in the black race, they also said black men were more likely to cheat on their women. A connection yes. Reason why black women have more of this horrible disease then other races.

The lowest rating was Asians, (the lower the better), then whites, then Latinos and top rank were blacks.

My mom years ago (I was under age aka teen) reconnected with a old friend. The chair I remember sitting in  next to my mom and in front of us was him in his jail suit. They talked and my mom seemed to show interest, but that vanished quickly once she learned of his HIV and he was honest. He even mentioned sleeping with a white woman who claims he is the father before he got locked up and how he is not taking care of a biracial child. As he went on I thought about how this woman is trying to get this man to be a father figure who has zero interest what so ever. Plus did she ever find out about the HIV? Anyway he was out of our lives fast the rest is a hazy memory.

Like the study saying how blacks have a lower IQ has a flaw in it, but came close.

When going through 4th and 5th grade mainly white school, the slower students or ones falling behind parents funded them after school tutoring, when at my home my mom was being abused as I failed to the point teachers gave me the answers along with the biracial girl.

Not all whites have this advantage, but they are more likely coming from two parent homes compared to us…it makes a huge difference and more so when the two parent homes are positive. Not having maybe for example 6 brothers and sisters with one parent trying to make ends meet. In that type of environment the chances of doing well in school are not high, but its possible.

Blacks tend to come from single parent homes, some blacks with two parent homes get mad at those who speak the truth.

Anyway one told me to see him Monday…even tomorrow, but I said no no Monday. I hope I don’t chicken out.

Decent guys are my issue, non decent guys are not since I ignore them with ease by just continuing to walk away.

So yes I was thrilled that these guys coming from a more decent back round already saying they treat women well is a good sign.

I will be honest. I want kids badly someday, but if somehow that Jesus came and said marry that black dude over there I will change religions 100 percent not even going 40 percent Christian. All the women in my family didn’t have great male role models and no they all didn’t get with thugs many were business type guys, dreamers, average, its a myth that all black women are going for thugs so thats why 70 percent of black babies are born out of wedlock not true. Some or maybe many I don’t know, but based on my family not true…maybe one though.My great grandma had a wonderful black husband and because of it she is still living in the home he built many years ago that is in great shape. My great great grandmother had a wonderful black husband  as well. Notice the mention of GREATS not now greats. Some black men out there are good, just not a balanced amount. Its a risk for those who must have them one *shrugs*

If I really did get with my own race I wouldn’t have kids. I was thinking this yesterday to myself. Not interested in being yet another black woman single with a child. Too common.

I do hurt sometimes because at 25 I do long for that father who never wanted me. I refuse to have kids to suffer the same fate.

I mean if I had a divorce I would love to have a guy who still wants to take his kids out, and be with them, ect.

Not divorce and the end.

Weight loss attracts decent guys. being plus size you can too….but the percentage is not as high when thin.

I need to stay focus and not slack just because I got a little attention. I feel that was luck.

Today is proof that someday I will be married, but need to focus and work on getting over being shy of guys so I can say yea lets go out at 7pm tonight (like offered) or yea tomorrow, and sure monday and really show up!

Today the random burst of energy from work and the two guys made me as of now a little stronger from that ice cream sitting in the fridge.



All I want is to be thin, to wear cute clothes and see single digit 4, have kids then yes work the fat off me!, and have this wonderful marriage with both ups and downs, fun and stress, but never alone. I want my kids to have the life I wish I had seeing a real father figure who is there and never harming me or them, who shows my daughter this is what you seek in a man, and my son who he should be when he grows up. I will have it….just have to continue losing weight.




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