Today after work I was told by strangers: Shake that ASS ….. :( 255.6 pounds..something to smile about

Today I woke up at 5am at 255.6 pounds, right now its 10:51pm and Im 255 pounds exactly.

Today is Feb. the 6th and my florida trip is on the 17th. 11 more days.

 

Today I had 520 calories….well really less then that! Had my frozen healthy dinner at work for 280 calories, and from snack machine got a thing of oreos. Saw a co-worker and gave her two of them, so my real intake is 4oo and something?

I remember during the holidays at work I ate maybe around 1200-1500 a day, BUT I was way more active at work. Things have slowed down and the same calorie amount would have me at the same weight or maybe two pounds a week? Nothing wrong with slow weight loss, but I am so on a mission!

When in Florida I have to work out day and at night.

Now that I think of it, need to buy more of those frozen dinners, so good for the amount of calories.

I worked too hard eating real less to gain it all back from a trip to see family.

 

Later in the day at work as I was headed to the food court for diet lemonade passing old favorites, recalling the freedom I gave myself to eat at three different locations…a lareg slice of cake here, a cookie or brownie over there, fries….it never ended to the point one location said if I’m short on cash they will just allow me to pay next visit! Thats how much trust they had in me returning because five days a week I was there.

I was thinking about all this and a small voice was like its ok go ahead you done so well. One treat won’t hurt you. I then thought one treat means a day passes that I could of weighed LESS.

I quickly drank down my med. size lemonade and asked for a refill within a minute. Me and the cashier had a laugh because I really met it that it won’t take me long to drink this.

I just needed to have some flavor in my mouth, something to fill my stomach. Sadly I felt like…I missed food. I mean food where I would eat 2000-3000 something easy a day. I know its all in the mind and more so just mental.

It was hard, but I made it out the food court of many choices.

I saw my crush with his perfect smile, the one I dreamed of, the one I know is not a fan of fat girls, but may consider, the one I will never have and the one I won’t allow myself to have. Also I have had other crushes too….but they have dead off crushing wise. Really theres a another guy I wouldn’t mind having lol. He saw me and we both ignored each other even though we were like a few inches apart. I don’t want to put fear in another guy that a fat girl finds them really …really good looking…it causes them to wonder whats wrong with them to have me even consider?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am sadly a pear shape, I rather be a hour glass really its more balanced.

Pear shaped women are the Beyonces and Kim K’s and J Lo’s or the Niki’s of the rap world.

I don’t want that. Its a curse for me! I want the victoria secret body, the run way body not a video vixen girl body 😦

Pear shape is more heavy at the bottom, apples are more heavy at the top, bananas are over all heavy.

Thats why as I’m losing weight I can wear a large now compared to someone of the same weight and height, but a apple shape may have to wear a x-large, but wearing a smaller size then me in jeans.

I seen super skinny girls as pear shapes too, but looks way better for them. Gives me hope that I too can have a slim figure from head to toe.

After work leaving the parking lot area thinking of the bed that awaits me at home.

A shiny truck with some guys in it, I heard one guy in the middle of the highway at the stop light as I was on the phone with my ex co-worker he yelled SHAKE THAT ASS! I promise you everyone in other cars heard that! It was a latino guy who then again shouted out real loud.

I was walking, not shaking or doing anything. Part of it was I am black and most love to talk about their bums and the men love the bums so perfect that I was passing by on the side walk. I almost stuck up my middle fingar, but stop myself just in case co-workers from work were leaving. I don’t need anyone to say what happened to me AND what I did.

I walked straight ahead and saw that as they turned he took a look back.

How sad and how awful I felt.

It made me a little more stronger to stick to my plan.

I don’t plan on eating under 1000 forever.

My body……as a obese person its best to work out hard when you lose more.

I rather kick boxing or something extreme not your cute, pink dumb bell workout.

Something that will kill calories (so that I can eat a little more) yet won’t give me that manly body look I fear.

 

My stomach feels empty.

I’m not hungry…just feel empty.

Another day at work awaits me tomorrow.

So odd how I was missing a old friend thats not even alive. Food.

 

 

Its like a hot body or cake?

The guy I want or all you can eat?

A marriage or pizza hut?

The choices are simple, but many days and months food has always won.

 

After what happend to me today with those guys I won’t regain the weight to hide myself again.

If I was 300 pounds I know for a fact they wouldn’t talk about shaking my ass maybe something even worse.

I can do this…

In the past male attention both good or bad had me in binge mode.

 

 

 

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