I thought former fat girls were lying…..



I always heard that after they lost weight a large amount of it they still thought they were fat. I was like how can you look in the mirror and be a size 8 and still think your a size 18 for example? I was like there is no way!!!  Today my boss told me not to forget to dress real nice….realy nice ok? I said ok real nice and he said yes real nice! He must know me somehow without knowing how I dress in street clothes. I don’t really have clothes that I can currently fit that would be considered real nice…maybe for a picnic or the zoo or in the dark watching a unpopular movie. Something real nice for a date or sales job NOPE. I like working stock I slip on my pants, black shirt , sneakers and the end. No dressing up daily trying to find clothes to hide my fat somewhat.

I was like ok in a cheerful voice and as I walked off I was like here we go…..

In two days from now I must dress up as I help make boxes and other x-mas like items for customers! Its not even December and here I was thinking ok sometime in Dec. he wants us to dress up….nope in two days! So out goes the goal of somehow losing 20 pounds before dress up.

I was brain storming after that should I fake sick? At the end I knew I had to go besides my need of money it would look odd to pretend to be sick all of a sudden on that day. After work I walked my 30 min. walk all the way home to charge up my phone a few minutes and to feed the kittens their one can a day cat food. As always from the bush they watch me lay the can down and as I walk off they come out and eat as fast as they can!

I then got my phone took a 30-40 minute walk to Target to find some spanx….yes spanx I heard all the raves of this product, but never bought it since at the end of the day Im still fat. The idea of looking 10-15 pounds slimmer just by shoving myself in spanx had me make the walk right after work only to find out Target doesn’t sell Spanx, but they have shape wear that when I touched it didn’t feel like anything tight, but may define my side rolls some more…so yes I left!

I sat outside Target to rest my feet and called wal-mart before walking there to see if they had the brand spanx. The lady was like what is that? I said something that holds all of you in! She said one moment and came back and said no. I then called Jc Penny and I got a yes we have it! Took me 15 min. from Target to get to Jc Penny and my feet were killing me!!!

I asked for help by another morbidly obese woman who was sitting doing her work (don’t blame her).

I asked her have she ever wore spanx before? She said proudly no and if no one can take her as she is then oh well!

I laughed and asked ok do you know how spanx sizing works? As if I was joining the pro fat movement with her…NEVER.

Long story short I tried the spanx on and yes it held my rolls in, but was like I can find a outfit that can hide me better then wasting 20 dollars to blend rolls from being so seen.

I found a nice red causal top and a cute pair of pants that are dressy. I loved it!!

It was a 2x top and a size 24 buttom pair of pants.

I thought of my long distance friend who is losing weight with her now flat stomach and loose fitting size 14 from forever 21 store. She now wears color something more plus size women should do and even I said no black!! Yes trimming and slimming, but dull and everyone knows why your in black…they even know why you get excited winter is coming too.  I recall her saying how she is wearing clothes that are not loose,but tighter and gives her a shape.

I thought it was a waste of time, but thought why not?  I said to myself this will be a struggle, but worth a try to see.

I took off the pair of 24 and in the same color slipped on a pair of 22 and to my shock it fit!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought to myself no way…no way!!!

I been wearing a 24 for years when I was 300 pounds and a 24 fits and even my pants for work are a 24 and here I am wearing in womans size (not mens like my work pants) a size 22!! I put my reg. clothes back on and walked all the way half through the store and got a size 20 in the same color and pattern. I tried on the size 20 and it fit!!! It was perfect!! I was like omg! I got bold and even tried on a 1x in the top and it was a match made in heaven!!! I said I can’t believe this! I never understood why some people ask me why do I wear baggy clothes? To me they were not baggy, but my size :/

I looked in the mirror and couldn’t believe it…now I understand when I tell people Im a size 24 they can’t believe it.  I was a 24 for sure, but coming from 300 helped. I still see a size 24 girl not a 20. I know my outfit will shock my managers and co workers. I even went to walmart after all for fake ear rings aka 3 dollars. I got a few more 43 cent cans of cat food and milk and cereal.

I feel so good!!

If I can be 240 something I should be a size 18 Im so close if I stop eating too much and try harder.

Now new problem…..my feet. My feet are huge to the point I buy mens size 10 for work shoes even a coworker asked where I get it from….me thinking wow for once someone likes my shoes!! She said no its just that they are huge…huge yes, but offer me support my flat ,large feet need I thought. I need to find some good flats for my outfit and will put my shoe inserts in those. Pay less tomorrow…here I come!

Im still shocked how a size 20 just slip right on me so well. and a 1 x shirt in my dreams! Hard to believe, but I saw it with my own eyes.

Earlier today my boss’s assistant needed to come through, but where I was standing in the small spot I was blocking her. She said Ebony can you move your taking up the whole space (in a friendly tone) you need to stand over there. Of course the two girls in my age range were looking at each other bent over laughing. The assistant didn’t understand why and asked whats so funny? Without her meaning no harm or knowing she did in their eyes she just called me fat and Im taking up too much space. I just said ok and hurried off and thought that someday:

1) I will be smaller then those giggling size 4 and 6

2) I will be so small you will want me to eat when really you wish you were me

3) Some day…someday I will have the thin body of a runway model!

I was so embarrassed by all that I didn’t go near that area in fear I would be standing in the wrong spot and one of the three male crushes I have will hear it and … 😦

Tomorrow another diet day to eat less another day to try.

Just hope I can find some shoes for my feet for women.


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3 Responses to “I thought former fat girls were lying…..”

  1. dietriotgirl Says:

    In high school i was a size 18in jeans and 2x in shirts. I lost a ton of weight but being not rich I didnt buy alot of new clothes. My cousins ( who are better off) would wear a piece of clothing once or not like the fit and so I would take their “reject” but perfectly normal and fine clothing. I knowingly would wear a size 14 and even sometimes a 11/12 depending on the material. But one day I was out accompanying my cousin and she tossed me a pair of jeans to try on and i looked at the size and it was a 7. I was like psfff fat chance in hell that is fitting and my cousin just looked at me like and I was wearing one of her pants and she said ” the pants you are wearing is a size 7″. I was like WHAT. She always cut the label tag for whatever reason so i just always assumed i was still wear a size 11/12 or 13/14. BUt i was really was wearing sizes smaller. ANd my shirt size i wore an xl and RARELY i would fit into a large. But i would look in the mirror and still feel big. I would look at a aisle and say there is not enough space for me to fit.

    But now? i Look back and look at picture and i was so thin! I can’t believe i thought i was this big person who couldnt wear this or do that or fit there. I wasn’t all sad and ashamed of myself. I felt pretty and all that. But i honestly and truly didn’t know I was smaller than I thought I was. I was aware i lost weight. But i didn’t truly see the affect. It’s such a surreal experience.

    Over the summer when i lost a little bit of weight, i had to force myself to notice. I actually took pictures and I would compare the picture. I regret so much being thin in hs and not knowing and appreciate it. So this time around? I want to be aware and thankful from the beginning

    Spanx, i have a bootleg version of spanx and i only wear it when i have to wear a skirt cause I’m not comfortable not wearing something underneath. So it’s a like wearing shorts and i can be comfortable and not have to worry about my goodies being all out. I do notice there is less jiggle but not much. I don’t think its worth it. I use my spanx for skirts and when i exercise at home I just feel there is no hiding what you got ya know? I have a friend who wears two spanx at a time and she says she doesn’t jiggle and it takes off 5-10 pounds. I was like all of that discomfort for 5-10 pounds? It’s not worth it.

  2. dietriotgirl Says:

    Oh and i know I’m new to working retail, but my store is the same way. For black friday they wanted this dress code and to wear holiday colors all weekend. Everyone was like wtf. But, i found it stupid that every single employee had to abide by it. LIke if your doing boxes or working in the stock room or doing stock on the shelves in the store… your already working hard and doing labor work and uncomfortable because of the manual labor… now you want us to do that in NICE but not always comfortable clothing too? It’s stupid. The store I work they want their employees to be all inclusive so we do light stock, but not the hard heavy stuff, we stock racks and shelves and do displays, and we do recovery( put backs of all the rejects or stuff people dump around the store) and of course just fixing the stuff people toss around or throw about or drop on the floor. At the register it’s mostly clothing. But they have a business casual dress code with a “presentable and personable” look. So, people in my position we have to dress nice but not dress up and its stupid. They have employees that are soley stock that do the hard manual labor stuff and unloading trucks and all of that.. and they imposed the holiday dress code on them too. Like really? Customers dont care how i look to ring up their purchases. Stocking a display, i doubt the stand cares what i look like. Eyeroll.

  3. ebonnie Says:

    Your cousins sound very well off to do reject clothes like that! A size 7 is slim!!!!! If I was a 7 now I may quit my job and work for tips as a waitress may make way more! Thats truly amazing to not know you were a 7! Hard to believe, but I had to put my size 20 on again to be sure it still fits. Good idea of comparing pictures that helps. Your right it isn’t worth it at the end to buy spanx to look ten pounds slimmer pretty much a waste of money.

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