My mind is saying: How do I get out of the ghetto the right way and soon?

I really need to move out of here…this area! I see the flashing cop lights every night…ok, I know for a fact people sell drugs in the area…ok….BUT when guns and people getting shoot from police to a innocent person not ok!

I feel so bad for the children living here the good ones…not the ones adding to the problem along with other terrible others such as adults. If I had a child here I would be truly suck here. Goverment help only goes so far, but not enough to leave.

A ex coworker drives by my area daily to go to work says how sad my area looks ect….which is annoying because its like saying hey your fat….I know that Im in my body just like I live in this area, but her area no good either thats the kicker, but mines appear worse looking!

My plan was to get my phlebotomy license,but due to the teacher sending me home in front of others I stop going even though she did say sorry, but after work Im tired and on my day off I want to sleep in for once! I woke up at 6am to get to her school on a long bus ride to be there by 8am only to be sent home 30 minutes later…I was angry that day and really upset!

Any who I wanted to get that license, take driving lessons and still go to the school to upkeep my skills here and there, buy a car, find a phlebotomy job after my regular job I have now aka two jobs = two incomes plus I get paid 10.20 a hour now….with that license I can be making 15-18 a hour= Very nice safe area! A area I don’t mind my mom visiting me since I know on my way to work she is safe.

Now Im at the point where I rather struggle with the one job and be broke in a safe area, but I need to calm myself down because I can’t move. I need a car and know how to drive it as well (Got my drivers license though…Texas lol)

I mean all safe areas tend to not be bus friendly and at rare if they have a bus it won’t run early enough where I can catch the bus/train to work and be on time by 6am!!!!

I will lose my job they won’t say ok since you moved to a safe area and can only be here by 8am……yea right!

I need to relax and learn how to drive and get my license for a better paying second job that won’t have me on my feet all day and pays well.

I keep to myself in this area, before my mom got sick we lived in a safer area with her lvn nursing license. I could say hi to my neighbors not fearing they could be the ones in the future to rob me, people would come to me and say have you seen my cat or other pricey toy dog pet and I could go to them as well…here oh no!! Don’t want no one feeling this is a friendship invite!

Some people in this area notice I ignore them passing me…I do get dirty looks like who do I think I am?! I have crossed a street because it was getting late and I didn’t want to pass the guy in the hoodie (any race of guy in a hoodie when its getting dark or dark out makes me nervous in certain ghettoish areas) he crosses the street right where I was look at me with a huge smile. I hurried off as he chuckled to himself. Happen with two teens in the past(about 3years ago) one white and one black buddies I guess…..both cross over to me to be funny, and scare me not understanding that Tyrone and John were this close to getting peppered spray….real serious. This reminds me I need a new one since this pepper spray expired.

I just want to feel safe where I can go outdoors with a smile on my face and see happy kids and adults living life. Not my area of lost souls.

I been wanting out, but due to two past roommates I had to quit and live on my own.

My first roommate was a African man who wouldn’t share his age he gave hints that he was in his early 30’s when he looked in his mid 30’s. He said he don’t like to date fat girls…so I felt safe and moved in with him hey Im fat. Long story short when your a under weight ugly man, who been in English grammar school and how to form English words for 5 years and never passed and still in it today, plus you want a woman with breast of wendy williams, but real. The body of a size 8 curvy goddess, and who don’t mind you won’t take her out because your that cheap….yea a fat girl starts looking pretty good after being single for 10 plus years.  Even told me he didn’t mind me walking around nude since were roomates now :/

Tried to um…rub his thingy on me…

And hoped someday I gave him sex.

I put up with him because where else would I go I thought?

What got me out and full of anger was to find out he over charged me in rent meaning I could pay 100 dollars more and have my own place! He was saving money with me big time I was clueless!!! He then tried to stop me from moving and agreed that he would have us pay equal amounts not me 70 and him 30 percent for example. 50/50…but all these months I was so upset.

I then moved in with a crazy coworker at my nurse assistant job at the time I knew she was crazy, but I learned she was more so after I moved in.

She was black like me, but felt she had the same hair as Miss Monroe the icon….our hair texture is not like that…..she told me she cut off her exs ear after he fussed with her, she said her ex bf who is still in jail (for drug related) took her miscarriage baby she had in the toilet and put it in the garbage disposal oh yea she woke me up 2am in the morning to confess to me, she heard voices in her head, when mad at me she would have me and the other lady who lived with her and the ghost….yes really and ask the air..I mean Abree the ghost did he drink her juice then ask me and the other lady…she had sex and go yelling loudly as if it was the greatest  and ask me the next day did I hear her…she walked around nude and say I see you looking at my booty (I wasn’t) Ok I can go on and on and how controlling she was and yelled at me and the other lady…made the other lady use her clothes to mop up the floor…terrible…so terrible. With just a month and a half savings and a lie to her I moved away and never talked to her ever again for a year now and she knew I was mad at her and she missed me ect.

African guy-Nice area of plano

Her- Ghetto area of East Plano

Now Im in ghetto of Dallas.

I try not to get angry at my mom if only she had taught me how to drive and didn’t make up excuses of insurance ect….I wouldn’t be living over here. There are good jobs out there, but bus doesn’t go out there! She knows Im upset by this everyone else knows how to drive from the geeky young nerd, to the crazy people I have known in the past!

I wish to get a roommate,but its best I don’t.

The friend/not my friend (at the same time yes) wants me to move in with her.

Were too different, she curses all the time as a joke and when upset, she has a controling trait with nice people like me. I know I won’t be able to stand her if I move in. I want my family to someday visit me not with her around. Everyone I know I would never invite to my wedding, or want to live with them because they have a trait Im not a fan of. I learned my lesson about crazy people. Only one is decent, but she lives in a different state….go figure.

Such as my former ride today saw me for the first time in 4 days. She says oh your hair is different and says is that your real hair and busts out laughing…..she done that in the past before and touched my hair too!!!! I wouldn’t mind if she was a guy Im dating, but I told her semi, It is my real hair with added pieces and deep down I know if she asks me again Im going to ask if her chest is real…yup part two in the office. I don’t mind being asked about my hair, but not in such a tacky matter. And she knows Im kind because lets me honest if she went to any other black woman and ask that question loud and so bad like that she wouldn’t get a kind reply such as mines and she knows that.

In a nutshell I can’t have a roommate. I tried and each one felt it was odd I would pay my rent yet not talk to them because I have my own life. My former roommates were both like that and the girl was worse because she called my phone, wanted my contacts in my phone, my wear abouts, ect. to the point people thought we were lesbian partners and I was straying from her. I have such bad luck I mean others I have heard can tell their roommates hi and bye or have a small chit chat and go, but I always get the ones who want to be part of my life 😦    I don’t want forced friendship, and if Im paying thats all that should matter.

So here I am in the ghetto, I refuse to have a roommate…

So I get off at work I see a ambulance and a firetruck 10 minutes away by car (20 minutes away by foot) a man stops me to tell me whats going on. Now I would ignore him and hurry off, but something inside of me said listen to him.

He said a man was lying on the ground over there and he looked dead.

I said really!!! From what? He said he don’t know (maybe over dose of drugs, too much to drink, or a stroke?) He said this area is going down hill and will get worse. I said whats going on here? (I go to work and home I see the area, but today I really see it!)

He then carried on about last week a man not far from where we were a place where fridays use to be and a robbery happened and a customer got killed there during it.

He said satan is taking over …….my first is no people who are sad with their own lives don’t want others to be happy either.

I continued my walk with pizza a medium pizza in hand from pizza hut I had two slices after talking to him… I have zero as of now. My mind raced and shock when really I shouldn’t be the area is tacky and the apartments in the area no good themselves!

I was going to do my ususal of ignoring this lady waiting on the bus holding her cane. I felt her look at me, but oddly something inside said ask her about the man laying on the ground. I stop and looked at her and she saw my pizza slice in hand and said that shool look good (shool in a southern deep south balck accent like she could of played in the movie the color purple) I told her it is! And asked how was she doing, she said im fine and yourself? I said Im doing pretty good ( a total lie) I then asked her about the man. She said she passed him by and saw him just lying on the ground, I asked her what happened to him she said I don’t know.

She then went on about how a man tried to force her teen age grandson in his car likely to rape him. Went on about the really nice mall I work at that two years ago a woman buying gifts for her two children close to x-mas time was in her car about to leave a man bang on her car window so he could steal from her, she wouldn’t roll it down and he shoot her (makes me want to cry), then went on about how at night near my apt maybe 10 minutes away by car a officer on duty saw a man spying on someone at night. The officer got out to tell him to go home the man saw him and shoot the officer!!!!!! Good news is they caught him and when you harm a honest working man who is serving the public to protect you and others such as a officer you deserve to be in jail for life!

My inner voice told me to not leave the African guy….I ignore…and then look got with a crazy girl roommate, my inner voice said don’t work extra days the woman is crazy even though our resident her father was wonderful…took the extra days and then got fired.

My inner voice comes natural if I listen and not over be confused with what Im saying to myself though fears ect.

I never stop and listen to these people in my area they talk to themselves, or the men look like they can rape and rob you, the women look like fighters… I never stop. My inner voice spoke for a reason Im guessing to warn me that this area will only get worse over time. The near by whole foods double decker is fancy, but they have police in there! The mall I work at is fancy ect.,but we have our own on duty police, plus our own mall cops that have their own weapon…yea not the fat fluffy friendly mall cop you think of, but the real deal. They are protecting the value of the mall and its reputation who will shop at somewhere where its unsafe and once labeled the hood mall we lose customers then our jobs and then slowly it becomes unpopular and bye bye business of the mall in general.

If I pay for driving lessons now and get a cheap car……the current job Im at is not always promised and when business is slow I can’t afford cut hours in a nicer apartment….in the hood sure. My rent is 385 plus light ect is 85-90 a month.

I use to laugh when my coworker talked about how in the 60’s my place was the best place to live, thats why I have nice whole foods near by, and the upscale mall because the area was highly desirable. Once the apartments got older they charged cheaper…and cheaper met bringing all the wrong types of people. So she got a fulltime job with us, a part time job and two on call jobs and took her son out of the area once she saw what type of people were moving in. She said she saw these families with 2 plus kids some with five moving in, then special looking people….she only gets two hours of sleep, but her son is safe and so is she.

My other coworker told me he was a bus boy and I recall him looking at me thinking I was going to laugh…I didn’t…why would I? He is in his 50’s and I guess he felt I would look down on him?, He wanted a nice area too so he works with us and as a bus boy on the side to afford his area.

My logical side says to hold tight, focus, get that license then break the lease here don’t move out struggling as well.

My heart says get a 99 dollar down payment of a car it may break down and cost you more then its worth, but its a start, break lease and with only 10.20 a month move out.

Will I be ok? I don’t want to be shoot down just by going to work or going home.

I don’t want to die so many unfulfilled wishes …….

My mind is everywhere…..

Only thing I can think of is to try to pay off that school slowly and focus on getting my license. I may not get a job asap after, but its comforting to know that someday I will land one with better pay.

Logical or the heart?

This is insane how do I do this to myself?

My area is mainly black and Latinos the people of India descent  with a dash of whites and a few scoops of asians.

In my area you see guys with fancy sports cars to luxury cars to junk cars to the basic decent car such as a Honda for example. Its like people rather drive a fancy nice car and live somewhere horrible. Me I am at the point I would drive a ice cream truck to and from work with no shame least im in a better area!

30 minutes away from us the lady at the bus stop told me today that some weeks ago a lady left her daughter in the apartment and because she was coming right back didn’t lock the door and had  a grown man rape her….yet right now its 7:47pm and little kids are out running and playing outside in the dark. I have seen kids that are toddlers walking about looking at me and around with NO PARENT. One family even leaves their door open nice and wide as their big screen tv beams and shines and nice sofa set ect I feel they are crazy and so are these kids parents!! The officer on duty here had to send them back inside because they were all under 18 playing near the apartment pool not one adult was out to watch them (I just went to get my mail).

The pool is not a baby sitter.

These days its not safe for kids or adults really too, but kids come on!

I would never have my child out alone with out me or another trusted adult.

Going to look at future possible apartments to set as my ideal place to live until I move back to Florida….here uh uh. Need to see my goal, but how to get there is the issue.


4 Responses to “My mind is saying: How do I get out of the ghetto the right way and soon?”

  1. dietriotgirl Says:

    i saY save up for a car. Once you have a car you have options of getting to school, taking a second job etc. Save what you can now. Invest in a used car. as long as you start planning and working for it, it can be doNE

  2. ebonnie Says:

    Been thinking all day….if I get the car first a used car since its cheaper. How much is insurance and any repairs? The gas too. I hear people complain about the costs of cars alot. Is it that bad?

  3. dietriotgirl Says:

    Depends what state you live in. I live in NY so it’s insane ridiculous. But, other states insurance is fairly cheap. Gas is bad everywhere. almost 4 bucks a gallon i think. But, if you drive just as needed it can stretch far. Like my brother drives to and from work and thats it. He spends 30 bucks a week to fill the tank, sometimes he’ll have to use an extra 20 but rarely.

  4. ebonnie Says:

    True if Im just going to work a 4-5min drive for me I may just need 30 dollars for the two weeks

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