At my size having a crush means nothing,but a random feeling you hide until it fades away…..

In the thin world having a crush on a guy means he may have a crush on you since forever. You two talk and next minute you two are dating end of story or the first page to it. Me I had many crushes I lost count remember I’m 25 of age. In the past,future and now I will forever have a crush on a guy and if he finds out he shall stay far far faaaaar away from me in hopes I get it. It just comes out of nowhere, he looks cute,sounds decent and next moment you have a crush you get the drill just ignore it and someday soon the feelings fade away more so when he shows everyone a pic of his new hot body butter face girlfriend 😦    when your obese for years of your life you need to understand how your life is now,who your married to now, who hired you, what luck you got in jobs and friendship and love ect has been altered due to your weight. You may had kids with Tony and not Greg, you may have been dating susan not Roxanna, you may had been a model not still on entry level training just got hired thin men and women for the sought out position you wanted for years. When thin you can ruin things,but have better chances then us large ones. Me I would of had a loving husband, two kids by now,living in my state of sunny Florida by now not in Tx working in stock, obese, trying to stop eating and drinking sodas and juices and trying to stop chewing my nails and thumb….yes really..I can chew gum until my jaws hurt and the gum is like water no longer chewable. Today I drink 5 cups of fanta soda, 6 cookies, 2 cups of Hi-C, I ate and ate and and just had tatter tots. Today I tried water fasting,but was so sleepy at work from lack of proper rest and being stressed that I ate and drink all I can until I got a temp. energy boost until I had to eat more sugar for another temp boost. Cycle continued and water fast ruined. See it took me DAYS To weigh 265 today I now weigh 272 and will be larger by tomorrow morning. It took me having two days off to ruin my results. It can take me 3 days to return back if I water fast or the so called right way of 6-8 days of eating lower calories such as 1500 and not binging. I’m just so tired of this I missed out on a lot of living and a possible future due to my size. I will try again tomorrow to water fast even though my job is serving everyone pancakes why? I don’t know. The thought of warm flap jakes is too much to handle! Its hard,but I been ready to live long time ago. Tomorrow I won’t fail I will water fast…..I will try. I’m laying in bed as I blogged and I see from my window flashing red and blue lights I see these lights maybe 3 times a week and my guess someone tried to sell drugs. I can’t wait to someday afford out of this area. I heard that hooter girls make 400 a night here in Tx and in Florida way more. I make 600 and something biweekly when a girl just serves hot greasy chicken wings making way more for a few days its like being thin you have a way out too. I can barely move and got work early in the morning and yea been getting rides again my feet hurt so much more when I gain. Going to the bathroom is such a chore. Good night for now.

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