My confessions as a black woman…..on race and dating and what thin women taught me.

I was on the bus reading the new copy of Ebony magazine….its rare I even buy it! I don’t really like black magazines since they are kinda twisted such as putting Reggie Bush in front of Essence magazine as every black woman’s fantasy…when he only dates the Kim K’s and other non black women…what can we or other black women fantasize? Seeing him buy her a 50 grand pair of diamond studded shoes….is that suppose to be super sexy for us?

In Ebony’s magazine Oct 2012 issue they did a interview with a group of black men page 132. The men started out lying, but then…



Perry: I enjoy a woman of natural beauty…

Walter: Thats what we all want

Shawn: I typically like slender light skinned women with long hair (likely good extensions she has)

If you continue reading each mans reply its really light skin women with fake long hair or real.

And this is in a black magazine for both genders and what black men want. Reminds me when KING a black magazine thats like play boy announced with pride of using the first non-black woman on its cover when it was hardly old and still not as old as other magazines…me and my friend laughed like we were shocked they didn’t use a non-black on their first issue.

I can google now where dark skinned men sound like a kkk member against black women. This taught me at a early age that racists can be others or even your own.

My mother is a light skinned woman with a small nose in length and width such a strange nose indeed. She had the dark men admires big time! My mom is also plus size too, but Im bigger (how sad right?), but her being light skinned didn’t stop the men from abusing her, mistreating her, cheating on her, and stealing and lies, and even held a gun to her face.

I think all skin tones are beautiful from mines, to white, to asian, to Latin they are all beautiful, but I use to deal with my self worth. In the mirror my skin tone was fine and other races thought so too. Im only light in the winter and my skin tone now is brown since the sun, but it use to hurt when I had my own race thinking Im Latino and would follow me for months and when I say Im black it was like the end? I never had interest in him in the first place :/

My mother cooked, believe in us waiting until the man of the house was home before we could eat, she cleaned, and was a nurse too instead she got nothing in return was blows to her body and attacks and called black bitch and f you’s.

So to the point it annoys me when I hear so and so give his reason why he would never date a black woman some reasons can be true others for the main part are false. Even right next to me twice I had black men give high fives when they find out the other is dating a white woman Im like what if I did the same and gave a high five that im dating non black?

Me I give off friendly vibes Im guessing, sometimes I can be caught slightly smiling to myself because….Im day dreaming, Im playful and love joking around, I cry when Im hurt, I will keep how I feel about you to myself never tell you to your face, Im shy, quite, and someday hope to be a great mother and wife. Like my mom I want to cook, be there for my guy, wash his clothes, and hear about his day and everything that comes with it.

I feel I do have flaws like my feelings can be hurt to the point I will try to talk it out, but if you don’t talk it out…then I shut down and ignore you…for days.  I see the humor in some things that are not  funny to you, but to me it is such as you got a warning at work because you helped a customer who spent 4000 dollars worth of stuff put the and carry the things to the car only for them to call back to report they felt you wanted a tip when you say you didn’t….yes I will laugh…it was funny come on!

What Im saying is Im pretty decent, not loud as the media claims I am, Im shy, and looking for love as I drop this weight.

I feel I can stay out of the sun so much and become light naturally, stay fat, and date lil daddy have his kids and complain why he did me like that when he showed me all these tasteless signs before meeting him, but honestly since young my preference were always cultures with less wedlock rates and high marriage rates and less songs putting down their women. When I say this some do get mad….I find it more interesting that you know what cultureS I speak of.

I have seen a light skin black woman with no arms and legs, but with a black man.

I seen obese white women in wheel chairs tell me of their black men woes (dead serious)

I had seen and others seen white women who looked lesbian only to see her with a black man.

I seen Latin women three times the size of me with black men

I seen other races chubby to a little weight with black men.

What Im saying is sometimes they say they don’t want a black woman because she is not womanly, or not in shape, or uneducated only to get a different race with all the things he didn’t want in a black woman.

I had at work(my former job) a white coworker take her phone out to show me a pic of her black man’s penis saying look how large it is….to me it looked average and I careless about a mans size :/(I just want a man I mean he could have a one inch really) I said wow yea look at it (looks around where to leave her) she told me about him and how her their child went to get his hair cut and requested a black man’s hair style (she laughs, I fake laugh) he just got out of jail again she said and told me you know how (racist N word not the ga ending the er, both are bad really) I said um yea sure.

Some of these relationships do work out really nicely and have a happy ending? But I can’t help to notice the size of the woman and how really she supports him (black women do it too.

Thats another that that sucks me being a black woman sometimes white women kinda look at me like they won a prize :/ Black men are men and I can get one too if I wanted one…just I need to be thin and attract men who have a future and goals such as me.

When I worked at walmart a older white woman and very fat like me, but a few inches bigger in width looked at me and held his hand. I just smiled like um ok. She took out her food stamp card….yea.

Another time on the bus  this morbidly obese white woman leaned next to me in tears and asked why are black men such dogs? I was 15 and got off the bus fast. I was shocked and kinda creeped out. All races of men can be dogs really, but some cultures have higher rates of neg things?

I also notice the thin white and Latin and asian women have decent men who work like them or the women don’t work, he holds her hand and I don’t see a food stamp card being pulled out. Yes all races use food stamp cards, but …..

I feel guilty sometimes that I view all races of women who are thin as ideal. I hate the look of thick and obese such as myself. Its like why did I allow myself to get so large? Too much slacking for too long. I do try and see the beauty of the thick size…but its hard. When  I have kids they won’t be on a diet, but be very active so instead of feeling down and eating about it we will have the funds so they can run it out, bowl it out, ski it out, anything that will have the heart pumping.

Back on topic the men of my race and thin women of all races taught me when a man wants you he wants you. It maybe over the most craziest reasons or good reasons. Like a size zero black girl who gets stalked over and begged for attention just because she is thin meaning to me he likes rail thin women all the men after her. I can be fat and caring, loving, and sent from God, but it won’t matter to the him’s after her.

Like its ok to have a preference for any race of men or women. Like my latin coworker in Florida loved black men and she was young and super large that I even out walked her (thats bad) she told me that she loved their skin tone, the way they walked, but never dissed her own race of men to the point you think she was from the 1800’s racist.

But if you say you don’t want a loud black woman (yet your very hood) and that we do this and that wrong, I feel its just as bad that you date a loud non black woman who has everything you didn’t want in a black woman.

Its like me I hate gold teeth, the sagging pants, the slang, and the give and get nothing of the relationship yet I get that in non black guy and feel its ok….then I feel Im pretty racist myself if I did that.

Me being black has its cons from people judging what Im suppose to be based on the media and yes some black women act it as if thats normal.

Another bad thing in my opinion is being super fat date a culture that feels being obese is curvy and thick almost anorextic and being loved and cherished by him….lose the weight and run back to your own race of men….yes really happened and made me wonder what if we didn’t have a obese and weight issue in America….would these type of couples be so high?

As Im losing weight very slow too slow and looking in the mirror as my body forms from a blob to some form of ladyhood.I feel Im not that bad off yes I feel Im ugly, but Im not my skin tone, Im not my race, Im not the media, Im me just me.


Last note before rushing off to massage 😀

Last year I was heading to the race trac a gas station. A fat black dude with CD’s in hand trying to become the next biggie smalls or whatever rapper he wanted to be.

He called me out and said I like what I see! He told me he is going to be famous someday and making big money (many don’t… be a rapper is a turn of luck and great beats and shout whatever you want on your song) I said wow good for you (I rather date a dentist then a rapper, or better a police officer serving the publics safety then a rapper) He said can I have your number? I said no, but thank you. He was shocked and asked why not?! I said well once Im thin like a thin white woman I will come in your life once you make it…not now. (I feel thin white, asian,Latin women are smart they know their size is valuable)

Plus I watch the media I see how all rappers had a child with a dark or brown skin black woman. Once rich and have it all those women are out of sight and mind.

Being thin means you deserve the best.

Being thin means you can date a starving artist or a famous artist (artist to me means in painting really)

Being thin I can have what I want….even the cute broke guy.

Im learning to love me better slowly at one time I did care about my skin tone, but I see too many thin women my shade darker and lighter to other races to care anymore. My skin is just a oorgan to protect me and I want a guy who will love me now at my darkest to my lightest in the winter. A guy with dreams and goals, and believes in family.



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7 Responses to “My confessions as a black woman…..on race and dating and what thin women taught me.”

  1. tfaswift Says:

    Hi, maybe you won’t like me because I’m white and thin, but I just wanted to say something about the skin colour issue – I’m married to a Pakistani man and when I met him he was just like you said, all crazy for white skin. But that was 6 years ago and I actually told him it was wrong, not just morally or whatever, but actually like a *mistake* because lots of black women are beautiful. He has changed and now his celebrity crush list is mostly black women. They’re completely opposite from me, but that’s ok because he can now appreciate beauty in all colours, sizes and ages. And among the white men I know (or knew in the past) lots of them prefer and imagine being with a black woman, or any woman with dark skin. They prefer it. They like the colour, just like I do, which is one of the things I fancy most about my husband. So I just wanted to tell you that whatever some or most black men may like, there are a lot of white men who really like darker skinned women. It’s like the ultimate beauty to them. And, btw, before I got married, I would sometimes go on a date, and the guy would actually tell me I’m too thin. LOL. It’s like, “Why on earth did you ask me out??” And then they say something lame like, “Well you’re still kind of cute”, or whatever. My mum is almost 70 and she’s very, very big and (yes I know she’s white) but really she’s an old lady and she’s big, and men still fancy her. So I just thought I’d tell you my experience. Take care. ~ Tilda.

  2. ebonnie Says:

    No I don’t hate whites lol that would be odd listening to Britney spears and hating at the same time. Lucky you that your thin though! I never hear of Pakistani men and white women dating before. Your post was beautiful and you seem like a very highly openminded person. May I ask are you from the UK? This all sound not anything from America (no offense to those who live in America like me) I hear of guys telling women that they are too thin yet date them anyway….I think deep down they are happy that you may be thin, but don’t want to admit. Your experience as a whole sounds so different from what Im use to. Also your the one who doesn’t agree based off skin tone alone that your better then that person based on them having a darker or maybe paler skin tone then you is very much refreshing. Yes I do believe someone can be better then another based off traits. Like I know many who are better then me because yes they are thin, yes they have a boyfriend, yes they are too outgoing ect.
    Also have you ever had a culture clash before? The pairing is rare and seems interesting.
    Last I agree all races are beautiful 🙂

  3. tfaswift Says:

    Thanks for your lovely reply ebonnie 🙂 Yes I am from the UK, but I’ve lived in other countries most of my life (I’m 38) and just moved back to England in 2010. I lived in the States for a few years too – NC. Grew up in Hong Kong. So I’m really open-minded, multicultural and everything. Very relaxed about everything and non-judgmental. With regards to a culture clash, the first year of dating was a bit bumpy because I’d had loads of Indian friends in HK, but never knew anyone Pakistani, let alone a man. But I was almost 33 and had already had one rat-bad relationship with a terrible man, so I was just hoping to find someone hard-working and kind. The last man was lazy and mean, plus he took drugs. So when I met my husband (who is 7 years younger than I am) I had big doubts – age gap, Pakistani, Muslim! But I thought I was being too narrow-minded, and I should at least give him a chance because he seemed gentle and spiritual and said that he just wanted one woman to be faithful to each other and he wasn’t earning much, but he was ambitious. I had to guide him quite a lot in the beginning due to age gap (he was so young) and cultural differences, but I didn’t give up, (and neither did he!) and he is now 31 and the nicest man I’ve ever known. Plus it wasn’t all one-sided. I also made an effort to know what was really important to him culturally and made some compromises to meet him halfway. We found our own balance and it works for us. The first year of trying to figure out how to make it work was totally worth it. I’d say the two most important things that made it work were really good communication of talking and listening to each other; and understanding the other person’s point of view so you can strike a balance. Plus we both agreed that we would never try to convert the other one’s religion and would respect each other’s spiritual views. 🙂

  4. ebonnie Says:

    Your welcome! Curious why all the traveling? And how was it like growing up in Hong Kong? I wish more Americans traveled to experience things outside of America. It seems to have benefited you greatly. I think because you seen so many cultures it made you open minded enough to give him a chance.

  5. tfaswift Says:

    I travelled due to my dad’s job as a civil engineer. We’d go and live wherever they were building something big like a highway, bridge, underground train tunnels, airports, etc. Plus my parents bought a house in Spain many years ago so I spent some time there. Yes, travel does make people more open-minded. Growing up in HK was something I am really thankful for. It was a great city back then, but ruined now by pollution due to China. But when I was there, it was amazing. We lived out in the country with all the wildlife and trees and beaches. But then I’d go into the city as well and all the glass towers, blue skies, nice shops etc. It was a fun time. Things are different now. I live a simpler life, but I like that too. Life is full of changes and I’m sure it will change again sometime. I’m grateful for what I have – health, home, food, heating in the winter, mobile (cell) phone, TV, etc. There are people with nothing; they sleep outside or in shelters. They are always cold or hungry. Here I am at my PC drinking tea. I think I’m lucky. 🙂

  6. Jack Says:

    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three
    e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service?

  7. Kushite Prince Says:

    “I seen obese white women in wheel chairs tell me of their black men woes (dead serious)

    I had seen and others seen white women who looked lesbian only to see her with a black man.

    I seen Latin women three times the size of me with black men

    I seen other races chubby to a little weight with black men.

    What Im saying is sometimes they say they don’t want a black woman because she is not womanly, or not in shape, or uneducated only to get a different race with all the things he didn’t want in a black woman.”
    Self hatred is a painful thing to witness. I work with black men like this. Many of them wont even look at a black woman. I don’t understand this mentality. This is pure anti-blackness. It must STOP! Black men should uplift the beauty of our women. I have never dated a white women in my whole life. Nothing compares to the beauty of my sistas.

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