I binged last night….267 pounds :(- Men in their 40’s

It was a light binge compared to my real binges I saw a binge of 1000 and something.

So Im no longer 266, but 267…I didn’t want to weigh today or even admit my failing, but Im far from perfect anyway. I got my shaving cream on my legs and my neck yes I grow a few hairs there due to my weight I read and heard so from other former obese women.

I am still heading to Dennys, but no dessert just a meal from there which is 1030 calories yes I found the calories of the side fries. I will get a apple pie from mc donalds maybe two, but its less in calories then say denny’s calories which are 500 and up per sweet item! Two apple pies would be almost the same, but I couldn’t believe 800 for a banana split, or 700 for a slice of pie are they dumping sugar at will when they make these? I want to make my own pro splenda dessert which would cut the calories in half!

Im still highly upset….I ate. I shouldn’t have answered the phone at 8pm something my ex coworker called and she tends to when shes only in the car driving to work or driving from work meaning Im the buddy to call when you feel bored on the road. She called and was on her way to pick up a pizza from papa Johns……………..I almost died inside here I am battling , laying in bed as if Im withdrawing from drugs with serious thoughts and desires of food….I can’t get my mind off Denny’s it was so intense it was unnatural…yet she calls with that! As she was on the phone on speaker I got up and my binge begans… I ate and none of the food I wanted everything so dull and tasteless wasted calories at the end. A day I could of been 265 nope 267 instead.

Wish it was easy…

 

Also I noticed men in their 40’s sometimes look like the 30’s range. Some look 40’s, but still look good.

Me being fat I got the most jacked up looking 40 plus men I swear when thin women get the good looking ones after them. I mean the oldest man who ever wanted me was 80 years old who cleaned the college grounds.He said a woman like me deserves a good man…I agreed…a woman like me needs a man to hold her hand and not focus on sex all the time….I agreed….I would be perfect for you…my self worth took a huge nose dive!  I seen a thin woman holding hands with a guy old enough to be her grandpa, BUT he was rich! Its like donald trump young or old he may not been the best looking guy, but his wealth spoke for him. Like if I was a fat rich woman I would have my choice of men…yes he would marry me and divorce me and take half my wealth and get a thin woman who will maybe do the same to him, but least I can say I was married right?  But I think I would date a guy in his 40’s if he looked like what thin women get in the looks department.

At work this guy is broke, tries his best, but look so cute, looks make up for alot and I hope when I get thin I hope to have the same effect.

Its sad when you walk on the bus and pass a homeless man and he looks at you up and down…..you sit, then a skinny chick right behind you walks by him and he gives her thumbs up and congrats for looking hot. I was like wtf Im thinking how dare you be homeless and picky!

Another bus trip a blind man with his stick, dark glasses said he wants a thin woman and talking to the bus driver about this….Im like I thought your blind? No matter what men both blind or not, homeless or not, broke and cute want the thin woman….makes no sense.

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