4:04pm- Im bored want to eat

Been listening to music, washed my clothes….been watching random youtube videos and felt like I wanted to eat…boredom for me equals snack time. Yes I can read, clean, whatever yawn, but nothing beats boredom then maybe four homemade pizzas and a large mountain dew. I ate about 1200-1300 today…I just know. Been counting calories for years to the point you just pretty much know.

The worst thing a large person can do is look for pro bbw videos I thought. I said well I need to see the postiive side of my size…equals me thinking hey Im fine…going to eat….shocking I typed bbw and saw videos like these


And Im shocked that the desire to want to eat has vanished, I can see the beauty in her and what she is trying to do, but I can’t help to feel I like this better for me:


This what really shut me down…temp of course I know my urge of food will return and pro bbw videos such as these will be like watching the sunset …no effect what so ever.

Other vids that just helped stop my binge in its tracks:



Notice the clothes…men and women have better clothes choices when in shape:

I do agree with the below though the more the media goes anti fat the more people feel its ok to put overweight people like me down in public….weight loss is a mental battle, some decide to live with it others try to deal with it for years causing yo yo dieting.


Both white and Black south Africans suffer…Africa is not starving like the media has us believe. We have the hungry here too not just Africa


At one point I was going to join the large moment meaning I got tired of trying. Im fat for a reason, being chubby or a little overweight…ok, but Im morbidly obese and went through alot growing up. I ate to deal with things it was easy to eat it was free and easy to get. The only way I knew how to cope. Im trying my hardest to figure out what makes me happy other then eating? What if Im thin, get a boyfriend, but cheats on me? Do I eat and gain it all back? Thats my only way of coping when as a thin woman you can find someone better asap, being bigger you turn everyone away.





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