I wanna binge so bad-275.4

So slowly im back to losing weight only since eating that once a  day…same day I failed my water fast. I did the same today and my guess the calorie intake was 1100-1300. I really wanted a large pizza, a non-diet soda and just binge on a large drink likely a mountain dew half a two litter.

Before failing that fast I was exactly 280 pounds….didn’t mention it.

Water fast fail was on the 13th of sept. and made me 278.2

Today 275 pounds. Im I happy? No been this weight many of times, also been in my 260s for many months before too. What would make me happy is being 250 something since I don’t recall how old I was at 250 something I mean it was years ago! Being 250 something means im really on my way!

Tomorrow again I will eat once a day. Tomorrow will mark day three of it.

All this reminds me of a girl who loves going to bars, she was thin most of her life then gained weight. She notice in her drunken state men loved her being loud next to them, touching them, acting silly next to them, once fat they gave her that wtf look like back off! Reason why she then began eating once a day.

Another woman who been greatly overweight like me later in life became a proud size 6 went on a date and a guy was like I never dated a woman of your size before mainly size 4 and under….he considered her plus size and she dropped him! My other future new fear not being thin enough and missing out on wonderful foods and flavors. I want a guy who is not watching my size, diet ect. im doing that alone just fine.

Anyway today was my day off gone bad, went to the tiny school to learn how to draw blood. Fridays are a rare day off for me only because I worked other days they agreed to have me off today. To make a long story short the teacher embarrasses me in front of like 6 students in a small room which makes it feel like many. Sends me home after riding the bus waaaay out to her school, she said she didn’t want me to hurt anyone, but how im I going to learn?! On the side the other student felt I was doing fine, but learning like the rest of us plus I wasn’t able to go to class five days a week like the other students, so they are a little better then me. I showed up maybe once a month or once every two months im tired after work 6am-2pm plus days off are becoming one day off a week its take it or miss out on the slight pay increase.

After being sent home and the teacher said she sent two others in the past, she gave me a needle to practice holding it and told me to buy a apple or orange to practice sticking. So I texted her I will come to your school, but learn my sticks elsewhere where I can learn and be taught over and over ….in a nutshell I did diss her school saying maybe its best I find another teacher who won’t send me home, but show me Im thinking why not allow me to bring that orange in to learn? She called me asap because she got the hint and started sounding like she doesn’t want to lose a student because im that close to dropping her and looking for another school.

Also this diet this diet!!! Just want to be thin! I want a normal guy. If I had someone then I could of had someone comfort me. Yes female friends can help, but guys and girls are very different.

I feel so empty now…I know a thing of oreos would make it all better topped with ice cream…do I have this…no, do I have pizza from pizza hut…no…but many of times when I needed a serious binge and none of what I wanted to binge on was here a long walk or bus ride to walmart cured this issue as I ate walking in the store to get my binge items. Our walmart has a subway, not a mc donalds so a footlong meat ball does the trick really good with cookies and red drink!!

Going to prepare for bed tomorrow going to walk won’t be hoping in the car with mizz late, going to walk…40minutes to work.. 😦

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One Response to “I wanna binge so bad-275.4”

  1. Turbo Jam Says:

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